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This Poem was Submitted By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-05-24 07:18:32 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Blood Run's Cold

The sun fades over Mount Tully Though it has not been bright These past few months In my mind I see myself Taking a walk deep into the woods Surrounding our home I catch a glimpse of the deer drinking from a nearby brook Knowing the bears live deeper in I tend to turn the other way The birds are chirping their heavenly songs The Lord is most happy This time of day I often think of what it would be like To be free as a bird Yet here I am Alone with my tortured mind I have my trusted gun by my side Just in case I told myself Yet I know when I find the place I will stop and take a rest It is then I will begin to shoot holes perhaps in a foot or two and just sit back Watching my blood run

Additional Notes:
See what putting on ten pounds can do to someone.......... Please do not call the shrink yet............just trying out something new.........

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2005-06-06 19:13:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Wow, Claire, I can't tell you how glad I am that your muse and your imaginatin are flowing bigtime these days. What a grand trick you played on us Claire! I was getting into this and enjoying where you were going with it when all the sudden you do a 180. Well done my friend! Well done! This one has my vote for sure and thanks for posting this little surprize package. Blessings, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-06-03 16:57:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87097
Claire, Excuse me for saying this . . . but this is one of the best darn poems you've ever written. It appeared on my list, and now I see why it's in the winner's list. This poem is everything a poem should be: bold, daring, truthful and in touch with real emotions. "Blood Run's Cold" Right away, you bring skepticism to mind with this kind of title. Most people thing of warm hearted and warm blooded, but with cold blood ... anything goes sometimes (smile). So, this is a great title, and they are topped off by the last stanza of your poem. The poem becomes shocking the more you read, because the reader begins believing that this is going to be a simple nature poem about someone's walk in the woods. But by the middle we see that it's more than just a walk. This is a life walk. This is a ritual. This can be big. It can be the end or the beginning of new life. The sun fades over Mount Tully Though it has not been bright These past few months This first stanza sets the scene well. The sun is supposed to be a bright thing, but you give a subtle hint that things have not been well, or they could have been better. I saw this during my first read, but I kind of ignored it. I said "Nahh, this is Claire . . . it's going to be a happy nature poem" (smile). In my mind I see myself Taking a walk deep into the woods Surrounding our home The keys words here are "In my mind..." For some reason, I read these lines, but I skipped right over their reality and plunged into the idea that you were actually walking in the deep woods. Again, I was tricked. It's always great to change your style and your ideas every once in a while to shock the readers (smile). You do a great job of that here with this poem too. I catch a glimpse of the deer drinking from a nearby brook Knowing the bears live deeper in I tend to turn the other way What is even more interesting is that you speak of guns and perhaps doing bodily harm to one's self here, but there's a clue that this individual really does not want to die and has no intention of taking his or her life. The clue is that the individual turns "the other way" to avoid the bears. Clever, clever, clever of you Claire. This is like a mystery when you look more closely at it. The birds are chirping their heavenly songs The Lord is most happy This time of day Here you speak of singing and of heaven, and this is where the pace changes. You speak of the Lord and happiness, and this stanza gives hope to whatever feelings of uneasiness and gloom or sadness that were previously entertained. A change comes here. I often think of what it would be like To be free as a bird Yet here I am Alone with my tortured mind This stanza is the honest to God's truth, and I am so glad that you could write what so many people are afraid to admit (for many reasons). You reveal the torture, the hurt and the pain. Everyone does, but so many of us are afraid to admit it. We continue the facades, and no lessons are learned. No healing comes. The greatest healing often comes in simply being able to admit something. You reveal those truths in this poem, and you give power to those who have not yet been able to do so. I have my trusted gun by my side Just in case I told myself (just in case what? you saw a bear? or decided to shoot yourself?) This lines is a very nice touch to the poem. I love statements that leave the reader(s) guessing and surmising. Yet I know when I find the place I will stop and take a rest This place that you speak of is symbolic. It could be that place in the woods, or it could be that place in your life when you just know you have arrived. This is another fabulous set of lines. It is then I will begin to shoot holes perhaps in a foot or two and just sit back Watching my blood run This is the most profound, prolific and shocking stanza of the poem. Just sitting back and watching the blood run suggests many things. It's like not wanting to die, but wanting to feel the pain, wanting to someone feel that relief comes through suffering. And it very well may. You have offered some perplexing ideas in this poem, and I simply love it. Again, this is one of the best poems I've read this month. I like the twists and turns it takes. I like the subtle suggestions. I love it. Great job Claire. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-05-27 08:09:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87179
Hi Claire! Blood sometimes does run cold, doesn't it? Especially when one doesn't know what it is that will spring out from nowhere.....even guns don't prove enough sometimes :-) This piece was replete with imagery ('..sun fades, deer drinking from a nearby brook) and audio (the birds are chirping their heavenly songs...). Throughout the poem, you take the reader with you and make him feel a part of this brush with nature, enjoying the chirping birds, the drinking deer, the anticipation of bears deeper in the forest, etc. Ofcourse, my use of the word 'enjoying', might be an over-statement since you go on to mention a 'tortured mind'. Was it the fear of bears? Or was it just a melancholic walk to get away from the real world. You did a good job with the structure and flow making for a comfortable read. I enjoyed this!! Take Care, Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-05-26 15:21:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Hi Claire, What a difference of thought....going along easily into the woods/dears/bears/birds, The lord's happy..... but then you share 'you've a tortured mind....and have a gun to maybe shoot holes in your foot. I think something's gotta get better for you. I don't know what. I wish for you to take that walk, with a wheelchair if need be. You need to be where the Lord was in the forest.....and get happy with nature.Whereever your happy is where you must be. I think you showed an emotion with this poem and that's poetry's purpose. Hugs and forget the gun....think animals Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2005-05-26 10:57:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
OH my goodness Claire, this cries of such depression and solitude. Don't know if this is present feelings for you are even your own plight, but it is well set on paper to give the reader an insite on quite dark thoughts as dark and deep into the woods as the bears where you turn and not go...thank goodness!! (smile). "Knowing the bears live deeper in I tend to turn the other way" and here is where I really feel the loneliness " I often think of what it would be like To be free as a bird Yet here I am Alone with my tortured mind" That last verse, where you state you just want to sit back and watch your blood run??? what is it that you feel? do you need to see the blood flowing to know you are alive? Very powerful piece thought written quite quietly in style.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-05-24 16:06:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Claire: Your title is well-chosen for that is to come. It fills me with dread and I want to reach out to you and simply hold you. I am as stunned as I could possibly be. I hope you will not hide this poem, for it reveals something important about suffering, our human bond, and your willingness to trust us with your deepest anguish. It is an outcry of pain such as I have seldom heard. “The sun fades over Mount Tully Though it has not been bright These past few months” The cadence of walking in the woods. The tone of the poem is established as you show us that the “sun fades” and “it has not been bright.” “In my mind I see myself Taking a walk deep into the woods Surrounding our home” ---I sense the importance of ‘our’ here Your pace is deliberate, almost methodical, as though you see the beauty but are numb inside. “I catch a glimpse of the deer drinking from a nearby brook Knowing the bears live deeper in I tend to turn the other way” That glimpse quickens the heart, nearly as much as the bears’ presence does. Your humor shines through here. But there is a foreshadowing in the words “tend to turn away” as if you hold the possibility in mind to go deeper, knowing the bears are there, full well. The birds are chirping their heavenly songs The Lord is most happy This time of day You give a glimpse of everything as it should be – a kind of perfection rarely seen, exactly this way, except by those whose hearts have been ripped open. I often think of what it would be like To be free as a bird Yet here I am Alone with my tortured mind Now the more than melancholy note, the one I've also heard, so very poignant the midst of such beauty. The contrast the peacefulness, the birds chirping, with your suffering is anguished, so moving. But I was unprepared for the implosive impact the of stanzas to come. My God, Claire, what you show us here with the thoughts of shooting your feet. You show the pain of your bleeding as far less than the pain of your losses. I do understand this, but must reject the actual deed. It is a horrifying thought – but written with such clarity that I know you may have considered it. I will write more to you offline. I have my trusted gun by my side Just in case I told myself Yet I know when I find the place I will stop and take a rest It is then I will begin to shoot holes perhaps in a foot or two and just sit back Watching my blood run Claire – remember all that you have written to me and to others, and know that you are loved by your TPL family. I understand this as metaphor, but also know you hold it as a possibility, at least in thought. Bold and brave to show us how you really hurt, you who give and have given so much to others. You are in my prayers already, but more continuously now, until this passes. More later. Much love, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-05-24 10:37:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88462
Hi Claire, What a pleasure to see a poem from your pen! I must tell you I was completely at ease reading this piece with all of it's wonderful descriptors. Mount Tully must be a beautiful place with the deep woods, deer drinking from a icy brook, complacent, serene, un-afraid, birds that feel free and make lovely sounds as they sing...but in stanza 5 you jerked me out of my elagant walk through Tully with.... ..yet here I am alone with my tortured mind! There was no way I was expecting that and certainly was not prepared for the shock it gave me!...I have my trusty gun by my side just in case...I was thinking, first the gun was for protection or maybe to shoot a animal of some sort...but I was wrong....just in case I told myself. Yet I know when I find the place I will stop and take a rest (O.K. I can deal with that)It is then I will begin to shoot holes perhaps in a foot or two and just sit back watching my blood run. WOW how you have rocked my world with this amazing poem! It is very well written, as it moves along lulling the reader to enjoy the scenery before you blast us with that last line. I am glad you wrote additional notes as I was about to call 911! Also I am glad you put on 10 pounds that tells me you are feelinhg better than before. Claire, this poem is amazing and I know it will high on the winners list for this month, it will certainly be at the top of my list....Bravo!! And for heavens sake keep writing! Blessings....Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2005-05-24 07:42:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Claire, Nicely done from serenity to the thoughts of the restless untamed mind. The flow is very well done. The only suggestion and I really don't know if it is one that is I am unaware of Mt. Tully, what does it stand for. Remember I am only a simple reader. Again well done. Thanks, Thomas

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