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This Poem was Submitted By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-05-27 08:31:48 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Crow Haiku

Crow in the twilight Perched on an old church steeple Praising Creation

Additional Notes:
5-7-5......My first attempt at Haiku. Joanne, Nancy and Marilyn...I told u guys I'd give it a try :-)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2005-06-07 13:31:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90385
Duane, Very well done especially for the first attempt, if only I could do as well I promised someone next month I would try. You give us a crow after a long day overlooking and appreciating the surroundings. You kept the pattern intacked and visual. Like the use of the old church steeple establishing the setting. Well done. Thanks for sharing as always. Thomas

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-06-04 22:21:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88571
Duane, You did it (smile)! I liked it too. Crow in the twilight . . . this first line is very vivid and illustrative. I immediately painted a picture of a crow and tried to envision it at twilight. The words are poetic, and great for the first line, Haiku are best when the right words are used in brevity and beauty. Perched on an old church steeple . . . the fact that you used a church steeple here painted another pictures for me and made the haiku more real, more poetic and even more beautiful. The second line carries a lot of weight. Praising Creating . . . and you end with a profound act and/or statement which leaves the reader in deep thought and pondering this crow. In fact, I think you could title this THE CROW. You did a great job. Thanks for sharing it. Perhaps we'll see more. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-05-30 18:03:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Well it works and it's enjoyable. The crow is a voracious talker and squawaker (?sp). I've got plenty around here but the Jays I think top the crows. I liked the church steeple bit and tying it in with praising creation (which doesn't need to have a capital "C"). Good one Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2005-05-30 18:01:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Wow Duane, I'm, not Joanne, Nancy or Marilyn, but I sure can appreciate this first attempt at Haiku. This is one of my favorite forms to read and I'm quite sure you not only did it correctly, but with flair. Not only do you use good imagry, you also give the credit of this magnificent creature where it should go. To the creator Himself. I very much like this Haiku and would not change anything, except maybe to get rid of the spaces, but even that is unnecesary change. Thank you for a rewarding read. I hope you're not going to let it go at one, because I think you may have some skill at this art form. Can't wait to see what else you can come up with! Bravo and My Best, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2005-05-27 20:17:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Duane, I like the simplicity yet profound underlying meaning of your piece here. I can feel the powerful yet subtle images of the whole haiku. I like how you intertwine the images and words of: - twilight - old church - praising creation These are elements that complete the whole thought! Vibrant and loud! As always, Erzahl :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-05-27 15:22:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90909
Duane, I'm no Haiku expert like the 'others'. but I think this is smart.. I am not a crow lover as such, they're so aggressive and overpowering, but I do think animals praise creation. A book called 'Kinship With All Life' by Boone, shows it. The animals actually have much more integrity than the human. Enjoyed the twilight session, twilights a wonderful time of day. GOOD JOB, I'd say My best, Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-05-27 12:27:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Wonderfully done Poet.....indeed, 5-7-5.....visuals of the crow are superb, I can hear him now and see him perched high above.......Big Jake, my Rooster would be proud to know him of course......though Jake could not fly so high.......Thanks for sharing and I hope you do post more of this kind......God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-05-27 08:49:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Duane: I'm so happy you plunged in! You show the sometimes unappreciated, raucous crow, simplest of nature's messengers, worthy of singing praise! How you have dressed him in his elegant finery, twilight. He picks a high perch, holding back nothing in his appreciation of Creation. Let his voice, and yours, be heard! Very well done! Now I am going to be anticipating more. Thank you for your comment in the additional notes. We three and more are joyous that you've begun with this one. Bravo! Hugs, and best always, Joanne

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