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This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-07-02 10:22:38 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Smile

You smile Gold sun glitters Giving day light to dark You beckon, winds whisper to me I smile

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2005-08-07 18:34:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Lovely cinquain, Marilyn! The smile widens into delightful natural imagery; the sun and light suggest how warm and powerful love is -- as represented by a grin that we can't resist returning. It need not be romantic love; it can be the bond between siblings, friends, parents and children. "You" can be anyone whom we cherish. This poem also proves that to receive friendship and affection, we must give them, and vice versa. The winds that blow from one to another are also spiritual energies flowing back and forth, joining us together. Nice use of alliteration, BTW, especially "g" and "w", the strong and the soft. I really like this one. It's gentle, unpretentious and heartwarming. Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-07-16 12:14:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.73333
Gosh - when I read this I had a complete image of a bright, animated children's book with swirls of clouds and then a child bathed in sunlight. Spectacular shiny poem. Thanks

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-07-13 19:13:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn--Romantic love is written all over and through this terse ditty; a clean erotic piece (oxymoronic, but true for this old man). A proponent of sparsity, yours truly is in awe of protagnist and the object. These eighteen simple words are arranged exquisitely poetically. Anyone to whom this is directed is very fortunate indeed. Thanks for letting me fawn on this-smile. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rebecca B. Whited On Date: 2005-07-12 08:15:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Marilyn, I sense that the smile you receive comes from someone beyond this earthly realm...the spirit of someone dear to you, as you remember his/her spirit. OR, it could possibly be that you write of God's smile, reflected in the sun [son] giving light to darkness, beckoning to you through the wind, causing you to pause, smile back in gratefulness. OR, it could be the smile of someone living, someone whom you regard with special meaning in your life, whose smile reminds you of anothers, and you are lost in memories. So many possibilities...the mark of a good poet, as it allows each reader to draw from it meaning, put it in proper perspective for their souls. Nice alliteration gold/glitters; winds /whisper; smile/sun/smile and nice assonance as well, as your words seem to whisper a sense of contentment for this reader. A refreshing read,well done; I enjoyed; drew much from so few words! Thanks for posting, Beck

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joyce P. Hale On Date: 2005-07-09 06:58:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
What a delightful short read, Marilyn!! You take a person from the smile which you see, through the sun and light that it enhances, to the whispery winds, to where the smile is transferred to you, in 18 words.... Bravo! There is naught I can say to improve upon your journey of a smile from one face to another.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-07-08 18:43:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, The sun is a smile. And also a loving, life giving, soul filling, loving touch. Lighting the darkness so you can see........ The universal love that you feel, encompasses all the love that is, especially the love of 'his' I'm so glad you know it, and experience it. And share it. I'm smiling too. Very nice job. Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-07-08 09:52:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
HI Marilyn, I love the magnetism in this glittering cinquain offering. In all of God's creation, is there anything more magnetic than a smile? Smiles have moved mountains, made ends meet, fluffed hearts...broken them, impressed and encouraged. Smiles are powerful. Aptly titled 'Smiles', the poem brings out and highlights the reassuring, encouraging and warming influence of a smile...its ability to turn darkness to light and creating a chain reaction of positivity whereby the recipient of a smile almost always returns it in kind. I especially notice the reactive flow to this piece and the amazing influence a smile can have on another. The poem begins with 'you smile' and interestingly ends with 'I smile'. This is very realistic. I don't know how many people actually resist paying a smile back with a smile. Very few. The smile is likened to the glitter of the 'gold sun'. Yes, smiles do have the potential of lighting up entire worlds. There is a strong sense of giving in this piece. The harmony shines through. Looking forward to reading more!! Take care, Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-07-03 16:49:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Poet this is wonderful.....all from a Smile.......the sun to brighten a darkened day, and in return I so enjoyed the way you have the winds whispering in return...........first thing that came to mind poet is the poem you posted about Bob......your smile brightened his darkened day and he in turn touched your heart. Thanks for posting, good structure, word flow, great images created and emotions filled within. God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-07-03 16:09:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ah Marilyn, This put such a smile on my face and warmed my heart to a glow. You smile Gold sun glitters a smile brightens everything especially when it's the smile of a loved one Giving day light to dark You beckon, winds whisper to me no matter where that special love is we always can hear them, they whisper to us in the wind, even caress with the wind, and yes they definitely call to us I smile and all is a comfort bringing that smile of comfort, knowing to our face, a temprorary content lost in that moment... those few quiet golden moments are true treasures... The simplicity of this poem is a testimony to "simplicity is elegance" you have achieved a most elegant statement here. OK, now I'm going to start to ramble because of how ethereal you have made me feel. *Big Smile* Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-07-03 14:29:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
And I too am smiling at the neat piece you ventured with here. Some people can smile and light up the room. The G sounds here gold, glitters, like a clicking sound turning on a smile, a light switch. Seems this person has captured your heart. Go while he/she still beckons. Do not wait until the wind dies down. Go. And smile~!

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