This Poem was Submitted By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2005-07-17 07:08:34 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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From Down Umbra, Inflecting
For MM
I did.
I peaked beneath your veil.
Saw shadows, little sun. One
Nocturnal, restless, lonesome
Girl who better than most
Pondered painful periphrastics
And wondered: Why not sing to
The dark side? As if one
'She' whirled about inside another.
It’s all about the sun;
Where it does not shine.
That was it.
What I said.
(And as I said “did say.”
other, more important things
drip and drift away.)
Yet not all I could,
Nor only thought
I did think.
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Copyright © July 2005 Thomas Edward Wright
Additional Notes:
('did say' is the periphrastic past tense of 'say' while 'said' is the inflected past tense form)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2005-08-07 13:03:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
OK, Thomas Edward ol' pal, this poem has me baffled and fascinated. I'm probably waaaay out to lunch at the worst greasy spoon in town, but it seems to me it's about a metaphorical communion between artist and audience-cum-critic. And the peek (with two e's) beneath the bridal and/or communion veil reveals a shadow that bodes not entirely well for the woman who wears it. She's probably feeling a bit down, in truth; it's such a commitment, this donning of the mantle of purity. We make certain assumptions about brides, nuns, women in white dresses standing over sidewalk grilles, and maidens just beginning to realize what it means to be female. We can't forget the yin/yang, the black and the white wheel spinning around in there, taunting everyone. Your whirling "she", like electrons around a nucleus. "Why not sing to the dark side?" Good point. Since we already contain it, why not write about it, perform it, wrestle with it or even just recognize it?
This veiled lady/girl may not have grasped everything that the speaker actually meant to say. He did tell her what he could, but kept back a few "other, more important things" that "drip and drift" (wonderful image, that -- like a candle whose flame is about to make an exit). Does he wish he'd expressed them. verbalized them so she'd know? I assume so, since he's talking about this now.
The poem seems about departure from brightness into something else, something more ominous. The many references to shade, from the delightful "down umbra" in the title to the nocturnal idea, to the intermittent absence of inner sunshine, we gather that here is a struggler-against-overwhelming-light, a struggler who may choose instead to walk away from all that brightness. She may have been aware of that inner dark but tried to keep it quiet, hoping nobody would notice. Now she's getting some feedback from somebody who HAS noticed and urges her not only to appeciate it but to embrace and make use of it.
This speaker bites his tongue, and shrugs in the end. He affirms that, yes, he's been thinking more than he's been saying. So is this really a metaphor? Is he her symbolic groom? Literary critic? Fan? MM could mean anyone from Marilyn Monroe to Mell Morris. If I knew her identity, then I'd probably comprehend more of the poem.
But that's not to say I don't like it; that's not to imply that I resist mystery. You've dangled the hook and I've taken it, without bothering to name its bait. It won't let me go, either.
Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-08-05 20:44:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96000
Tom:
This worthy poem is worthy of a more insightful critique than I can ever
give. You lost me in the periphrastics again. But thanks for explaining
and I will add this to my encyclopedic knowledge of nothing-at-all. Umbras
are nice, but umbrellas are better for Bumbershoot in Seattle. In Texas,
where no shade appears, "Yet not all I could/Nor only thought/I did think"
would be as confusing as in Portland, where Powell's City of books would
post it prominently on the outside readerboard, and pay the parking ticket
of anyone who quoted it. I shall keep trying. In the meantime, imagine that
I'm handing you the gold cup for Best Garbled Grammar Award, which I received
one year, with the ecomium, "Noble Effort." Pay no attention to me, I have
been listening to Poseidon again.
Tousen taks,
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-07-25 15:24:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84615
Hi Tom,
I know Mell must love this poem...even though it can be read as a little naughty...it is wonderful. I think there are shadows beneath her veil, and I am sure she is lonesome at this time in her life and she no doubt
ponders painful periphrastics because she is a master at it. The last stanza throws me a bit but then I sometimes have trouble getting inside your head in order to interpret your thoughts...but I'm sure you will forgive me that. I worry about Mell a lot and pray for her everyday and can't help but wonder if anyone is listening to me as she does not seem to improve. I always call her when I go to Texas (I have two kids that live there..one in Ft Worth) and she has always wanted to meet me for coffee so we could set the world straight but she has never been well enough to do that. I was there in May and we talked for a little while but she is weak and needed to go back to bed. She did ask me to write her a poem about an Indian brave and I did that...it is called "Red Feather"...she told me she has it by her bedside. I made Red Feather appear to be rather dashing and she was kidding about preparing herself for his visit and told me not to bother her while he was there...love her sense of humor. Well I digress...your poem is great and written as only you could have written it. I'm so happy you are back with us again and hope you will stay!
Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-07-19 16:15:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Good structure, word flow, emotions, images created along with it all and for one of the nicest ladies we have here on the link......Mell, you are so brave in all your travels, when the road seems tough you find that special place to sit, rest, rekindle your thoughts and your responses to a most difficult journey in life......you have given credit to those that love you, you are never failing in your own actions, your giving to others even when you are so down and out yourself.......this is a well stated piece my friend, one that is gratefully appreciated. The sun is a reflection of the Light you have found and it is this Light and Love that allows you to continue in your walk knowing not the end result and hoping beyond that shadow of a doubt that the Lord is always in control. Thank you poet for posting this for us to find and to allow us to share in its reading. God Bless, Claire
Mell you are always in our prayers.......
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-07-18 15:37:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88235
Thomas--Encomium for Mell Morris (aka, MellO, Mellita and other derivatives) and whole-
heartily endorsed by yours truly). IMO, this is a reciprocal/adoration piece that alludes
to the maladies that this lady has endured and her resilience; bouts of doldrums shaken
off; and the break through to another plane which allows her to continue on in pursuit
of a higher destiny (the lady has the skills to uniquely analyze/verbalize evoked emotions).
The metaphoric inferences of her fortitude is well conceived and inspire this reader.
Thanks also for the mini-syntax lesson-smile. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2005-07-18 11:29:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
H,
You have captured Mell the poet, and even alluded to his recent endeavors. The rhetorical equipment utilized is a little beyond this simple blusterer, who feels like . . .
Your umbrage, nothing more,
N
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2005-07-17 17:01:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
t.
That's a way grand title and is prescient of what's to come,
naughty t. But knowing you, your humor and your sad feelings
covered with Jim Beam, anthology opened to James Wright,
no one is ever sure?
I didn't inflect while on sabbatical the other side of the moon
but I'm glad I got to go while there's time. For someone who
indulges in O.B.E. ....will it be different?
You and MarkSteven always nail everything down as far as import is
concerned. What I want nailed down is how much time? And for Roni
to be mi hermana de nuevo.
But I like to read before bed (which is nearly all day) and on my
list is "Stars" - "The Nobel Ruin and the Magic" - "In Memoriam
of a Teacher" - "Martins" - "Something in the Woods" - "Talking
About it With My Dad" - "At Emily Dickinson's Window" - "This Guy
Walked Into the Dover Beach Starbuck's" - "After Yeats" -----.
I guess I've taken liberties here but it's like when you're old,
you can get away with anything!
Thanks for the postings, the dedication, the hours of enjoyment
with your poetry.
Much love,
MM
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