This Poem was Submitted By: Joyce P. Hale On Date: 2005-07-18 11:26:33 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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My Faults Come a little closer while I whisper just to you,
and please don't tell a single soul. That's surely a taboo!
For I'm about to tell you of some faults that I possess,
some ways I would improve myself to you I now confess.
I fear I'm a perfectionist in everything I do, )-:
which wouldn't be so very bad if I didn't always rue
the discombobulation that my Dear One always leaves
in everything he touches and each room in which he breathes!
I try to keep it to myself and quietly pick up
the clutter that he strews around in paper, clothes and cup;
but it is hard to keep my peace and never say a word
when everything he drops around just makes my inners curd.
But all the other wonderful attributes he has
make up for all my weirdo ways, and make our union last.
So now let's see, what other faults that I may let be known....
Or maybe if I make some up, you'll all leave me alone!!
I know I cry too easily, and sometimes lose my cool;
occasionally I wander in my mind, and seem the fool.
I squeeze a penny 'til it screams and cries for mercy true;
but give the shirt off of my back - I hope they balance out, the two.
OK, I'm done confessing, and if I hear you've told.....
I'll haunt your every movement 'til the both of us are old!
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Copyright © July 2005 Joyce P. Hale
Additional Notes:
Ok, ok.... I enjoy writing humour, so at the bequest of our esteemed member to lighten up a little, here is a litany of some of my faults.....
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-08-07 23:42:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84615
This was a joy to read Joyce. I think it's wonderful that you can bring a little humor to something that's really real and deserving of discussion.
FAULTS is a great title, and I like how this poem is formatted and the story that unfolds. The funny thing is that I can relate to every word of it. My husband often works my last nerve with the little things that he does, but overall, he possesses so many qualities that are of utmost important in a lover and spouse and father. I've learned not to sweat the small things when it comes to him and the household (smile).
This is one of the cutest poems I've read. I have only one suggestion, and it's for the word inners. I think it is supposed to be innards. You can check behind me.
Other than that, this poem works well. It flows, and the rhyme scheme make it a joy to read over and over and over. It's the kind of poem you just want to read to someone else, and I definitely will. Thanks for sharing it.
Latorial
www.latorialfaison.com
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-08-06 07:12:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96154
Joyce:
What a great way to start my day - this light-hearted poem of yours,
which admits faults, but shows a tolerance for self and others. We
can let ourselves off the hook from serious scrutiny, and see our
own failings with compassion, at times like these. Reading your
poem, I identified with some of your 'failings'; IMO, this piece
calls for my own answering one, so, with your kind permission:
I won't tell anyone, but since you've published this, I fear
that there are no secrets hidden from our view, my dear.
I'm listening with interest, in that all you say and do
reflects on me and my faults, it seems, as much as you.
Your membership in Imperfection Club's assured in what you wrote!
What an uphill battle, fighting other's habits--you have my vote!
Discombobulation being what it is, no wonder you feel in a tizzy,
considering all that he does or does not do that makes you dizzy.
Like cottage cheese, your innards curd to find each bit of clutter--
perhaps he even leaves (aghast!) dark toast crumbs on the butter.
Clothes, cup and paper, so easily discarded, then they disappear!
What if a reminder sign were taped on all offenses which appear?
A lasting union speaks of tolerance, balance, loyalty and love.
It seems that when Cupid's arrows (Eros) descended from above,
you each were chosen for each other, with corresponding needs.
May you continue to be blessed by his careless, manly deeds.
For living with a perfect mate, I think, would be more tiring
than one who 'is what he is' is surely no grounds for firing!
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Enjoyed this poem thoroughly, Joyce. I think that when we forget
how to have fun, we forget how to live and how to write poetry.
Thank you for the perfect antidote to both of those conditions!
My best always,
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2005-08-04 10:52:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Dear Joyce;
I nice humurous collection of couplets dealing with
your relationship and the differences among the sexes...
No need to come to a positive conclusion,
as these mismatches have occurredsince time began.
Thanks for the levity ..enjoyed the trip.
Always your friend,
Gerard
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-07-25 15:02:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84615
Hi Joyce,
You know what? I could have written this about my husband! He was such a litter bug...I always said we had a 50-50 marriage...he littered and I picked up. He died in October but if he had lived until December we would have been married 40 years...so his littering habit must not have bothered me too bad! He hung everything on door knobs or hooks he placed every where...looking back I wonder if he even knew where our dirty clothes hamper was! I just love this fun poem. Your rhyming is wonderful and right on track and not forced...it rhymes like "Twas the night before Christmas" and is just delightful. I hope I never meet a perfect person, what a bore that would be. Somtimes a person's faults is why we love them in the first place. Thanks for posting this it made my day!
Blessings....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-07-24 00:16:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.55769
Joyce,
Well at first I was going to try to go through this line by line but once I got into it I decided that there was just too much here for me to do that. Gotta tell you, I laughed, I cried (from laughing) had told empathy for you and then for himself…. I can totally relate, I think most married women can. I can’t how many times I have felt like you have described here, thank you, you have aired it for all of us-now I know I’m not alone and I won’t have to feel guilty anymore for how I feel. Good structure, nice flow and a delightful read. I wouldn't change a thing about this writing.
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-07-19 09:31:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92857
Oh my...did you lighten up? Hmm...seems you laid it all on your male (husband)? Guess he's got
his faults too huh? But you still love him huh? But you don't write about the toothpaste cap left
off or the toilet seat left up...you only complain about clothes strewn about...
Discombobulation indeed ! So, okay...not bad...the rhyme is not perfect, but then I'm no hell at
it either. Maybe you should rename this "Who me?" Thanks so much for your attempt. Keep it up.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-07-18 16:31:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.76087
Faults or to some perhaps virtues.....indeed a humerous read and well worth the stopping by. My daughter was married to a neat freak as she softly put it..........still she never had to clean the house for he always made sure it was in order when he left for work and picked up before he went to bed......glad to know even though I am not a perfectionist and I do cry much to easily and I sometimes forget what has been said or told to me......I try hard to please and that shirt must have gone around more then a dozen times......you sound just fine to me..........thanks for posting and sharing with us a different side of you. God Bless, Claire
Good structure, word flow and of course those images leave a smile on my face and a chuckle in my heart.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-07-18 13:42:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Joyce--And, funny it is! This is a well crafted humorous piece that speaks also
to the Venus and Mars aspects of the genders-smile. The poet has shared an array
of poetics in this litany of self-belittling blitheness. IMO, the listing in "My
Faults" provide a little something for each reader to identify with and laugh at.
Good-on-you. Keep writing and experimenting. TLW
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