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This Poem was Submitted By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-07-27 00:56:29 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Healing the Breach

long range missiles disarmed biological weapons destroyed Iraqi egos nailed to a cross doctrine and patriotism lost evil men evil times evil thinking evil minds White House video games giving life, taking life . . . it's all the same brand new wars in the name of peace where verbal lies are healing the breach

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2005-08-03 09:57:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Latorial, In times such as these, it gets difficult to separate friend from foe. The evil that men do is easily detectable on both sides, I think. "Giving life, taking life" ... yes, to some these are merely maneuvers of game pieces, the outcome irrelevant as long as the larger game continues. You open with the hopefulness of "disarmed" and "destryoed" but by spacing these two words to call our attention to them, there's an implied cynicism, and we ask ourselves "Ar they really gone?" The couplet re: Iraqi egos applies equally to the leaders and the citizens; if one is destroyed, the others are likewise affected. Ego isn't inherently a bad thing unless it's perverted -- as here -- for the purpose of controlling and abusing people. With the loss of Saddam's heinous "doctrine", so too we see the country's central core removed. As in the poem "Dover Beach", now the "ignorant armies clash by night" and the casualties are as likely to be their own people as the occupying forces. You close with the paradoxical "war in the name of peace", which our leaders assert is the truth and which has always sounded like a crock to me. "Verbal lies" offer false healing, scabs only, beneath which the wounds fester and prepare to erupt in poison. Your diction is straightforward here, the incisive and unclouded observations of the average Westerner who can see and understand what's happening, condemn it, yet know that what we try to say really won't matter to the boys in charge. You write with anger-tinged commentary which IMO works well to communicate frustration at the status quo. Nicely done! Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joyce P. Hale On Date: 2005-08-02 09:53:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.53488
Latorial, I commend you on a unique, excellent write!! The lines are short and terse, and certainly get your thought across most of the time. The rat-a-tat-tat of the four and four lines (first four and lines nine through ten) emphasize the thoughts you wish to get across, of weapons and evil. The interceding lines emphasize the ridiculousness of other events as a result or as an impetus, who knows! And the final lines of wars in the name of peace, and lies healing the breach. I hail your writing, cadence, points.... I must merely withhold my understanding a bit. )-: Good write.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-07-29 15:14:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96296
Hi Latorial, This was a powerful piece with a deep political shade that draws the readers into your perceptions of double standards in the current u.s dispensation in washington d.c and the embarassment slapped on the iraqi people of having a foreign power, re-write its political future. To begin with, there were no weapons of mass destruction...or stocks of biological weapons and while I do feel strongly against the Saddam Hussein tyranny, there is a feeling within many that the charge to battle versus Iraq had ulterior motives. Today, the U.S is still ever present and one often wonders if it will remain that way forever. In the bargain, innocent lives are lost on both sides which is a strong cause for frustration. I like the meter in your first four missiles and the sarcasm within them. They read as if presing a detonation button. And the sarcasm lies in the fact that there were no long range missiles of catostrophic proportions or even biological weapons. Your allusion to white house video games highlights your perception of how casual wars seem. It is very easy for people to declare wars and invasions but the cost to the lives of the brave soldiers and their families is immense and often tragic. This was a well-packaged poem that looks at the issue from very poignant angles...from the lies to the broken egos of the iraqi's. Looking forward to reading more!! Take care, Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-07-29 08:51:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81481
Latorial–The title almost lulled me into thinking you had planned on using a new approach with your same dogmatism-smile. This layout, the poetics, admonishments, inculpatory evidence and exculpatory proof is a sequenced roadmap for“A Glaring-Lack Of-Casus Belli.” IMO, this is no Gloom and Doom piece, but a factual, laconic and well documented running tab of incumbents’ egocentricity, revenge tainted, cupidity (petroleum motivated) and grossly inhumane TRIP! Keep writing. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-07-28 11:28:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.65714
Poet.......very powerful piece you have presented here........good structure, word flow, emotionally packed and images appearing as one travels on..........I often wonder where this is all going to end.....my mama was ninety two years old when she passed away and she often thought of all the wars she has lived through in her ninety two years including this last one and it broke her heart to see her grandson leaving to serve his country even though she knew he had to..........I often wonder who can you believe is telling the truth and I hate to repeat myself but even within our own country the lies are repeated over and over again..........did we find any weapons of mass destruction before we destroyed a country, killing innocent people, having our own lives taken once more in the name of peace........okay, I best be quiet for when I get on a roll like this I have no idea where my mouth will lead me. I know my prayers are with the men and women serving both abroad and within our own borders and I pray for the safe return and the end of this sooner then not......thanks for posting and sharing, be safe, I pray your own is home with you as I type......God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-07-27 07:05:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86667
Hi, Latorial, good strong statement. Yes, if we could only end this invasion which is doing much to build terror thoughout the world. If the last line is ironic it is not strong enough to make its point, at least to me. It stopped me to wonder how lies can heal a breach. Always good to see your work Rach

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