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This Poem was Submitted By: stephen g skipper On Date: 2005-08-03 16:08:53 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Marsh Cat

A table for two, with a wind swept promenade view. The rain running sideways across the window, we are served with cold white wine. We talk and talk about separate days, I am happy we are now together again. The starters and the main course flash by, it always happens with our time. The food a treat a real surprise, we'd planned on Chinese. I look into your eyes I know I’ll give you all my love, as nothing else is free! We are the last to leave, I run for the car, heading home to my empty house. On the sofa, talking about poetry and rhyme, then we climb the stairs. Naked now in a tender lovers embrace, until its time to go. Each time I grieve a little more, as you close my car door. It makes me want you all the time, to be able to say that you are mine.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-09-05 12:07:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.95122
Very nice gesture Stephen. Thoughts are so good to have sometimes. I'm left wondering about the title of this poem, and I'm assuming that there's some sort of imagery that lies therein of which I'm totally unaware, but I can speak to the beauty of this poem and what every line entailed. The strongest point was the interest that this poem illuminates. It is a story of lovers, a man and a woman, and we are tossed in and out of time and in and out of the man's conscious mind. What a lovely thought of love making and forever love. You paint a very real picture that readers can actually imagine as we read each word and every line. Great poem. Thanks for sharing it. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-09-03 09:26:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.38235
Just a bit confused here. In one stanza you write that you are headed home alone and then two stanzas later you are with a woman. I also am not quite sure of how the title fits here. I don't know what a marsh cat is. Maybe some poem or fairy tale? Nice love story none the less. BTW, your last stanza, "to be able to say that you are mine"...nobody owns anybody. That is possessive. Perhaps you'll argue with me here, but that's okay. 25 years as a Psychiatric Nurse taught me that. Thanks for posting.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-08-24 20:46:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78261
Stephen: In this poem's instance, it's the title that drew me in. I want to find the "marsh cat" somewhere in the body of the poem, but that, I think, is part of the mystery. It is good to leave much to mystery and keep the reader involved. I especially like "rain running sideways across the window" which matches the temperature of the "cold white wine" and contrasts with the heat of the lovers' embrace. Best wishes, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-08-24 03:41:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77500
Good morning poet, another winner for my list this month. How it shines from the flare of your pen....You certainly handled the sentiment delicately presenting it nicely. Great title as well. Good structure, word flow, emotions and images throughout. Thank you for posting and sharing again with us your talent, this one certainly makes my list. God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2005-08-23 14:35:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.68750
Stephen, This one shined. The sentiment was delicately and wonderfully handled. Great title. Right now, you're in a division with the Pirates, Devil Rays, Royals and the whole National League West. I.e., you are near the top of my list. Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-08-11 21:57:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Stephen, Very well structured and great flow. This reminds me of some songs, the works of Rupert Holmes, very seductive, subtle but sort of in your face at the same time. You have captured the moment well in your well turned phrases, this is one of those pieces that echo's in my mind. I could not pick one line that stood out for they all are exceptional and one would not be the same without the others. Once again, this would make a great song..... Thank you for giving this few moments of joy and sharing this with us. I look forward to seeing more of this style from you. Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-08-10 14:10:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Stephen, You are fast becoming an expert in writing poetry about love. This one is full of wondeful imagery... ...wind swept promenade view...rain running sideways across the window...wonderful....these lines set the scene for two lovers. I feel the pathos in the remaining lines. A sense of longing engulfs me as I read them. The two of you talking and sharing all that lovers do..as you look into her eyes you know the love is true and will never waver....we are the last to leave, I run for the car, heading home to my empty house...here I get a little lost because the next line is..on the sofa, talking about poetry and rhyme, then we climb the stairs..... You go home to an empty house but sit on the sofa with her...after several reads I am thinking that this is the love that still exists between you and Paula and you still live in the fantasy of that all consuming love.....you lie naked in a tender lovers embrace...but then she must leave and you grieve a little more, as she closes the car door...the last two rhyming lines are so full of desire and longing that it is somewhat heartbreaking. The poem almost has the tone of a candlestien (sp?) affair..so please set me straight!! As usual a lovely poem that is well written and compelling. Peace....Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2005-08-09 15:50:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Hi Stephen, A theme of love is always inviting to me. I have read several of your love poems before as I recall. I remember your poem, Paula, which I have critiqued the last time before my long absence from the TPL. Of course, she is the same lady that you are describing in this poem. The two-line format seems to fit the theme. This piece is weaved by describing scenes like in a story and I can see the originality. The ending is so endearing, "It makes me want you all the time, to be able to say that you are mine." Love is all around me, today! Jordan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2005-08-08 12:50:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Stephen; A unique work, discussing the ephemeral aspects of dating...those times you are together,so fleeting, to the memory appear as stolen moments, leaving one longing for the time you can both be together always....not relegated to share only feeding and napping times like a marsh cat. I like your free verse delivery... and hope my comments are close to the mark.. Thank you for sharing this thoughtful piece. Gerard

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joyce P. Hale On Date: 2005-08-04 05:42:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Ah, Stephen, may I mention Imagery here??!! You have painted a such picture of being alone amid the world! I picture just these two people, with the wind, rain and world swirling around just outside of their little space. A table for two, with a wind swept promenade view. The rain running sideways across the window, we are served with cold white wine. Even after dinner they are in a world of their own as they move their little space away, home, and into a room where they are truly just the two of them together. We are the last to leave, I run for the car, heading home to my empty house. On the sofa, talking about poetry and rhyme, then we climb the stairs. Naked now in a tender lovers embrace, until its time to go. Is this a clandestine affair? One-sided?? You give it a sense of isolation from everything else. An excellent read. I enjoyed it very much.

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