This Poem was Submitted By: stephen g skipper On Date: 2005-08-03 16:14:40 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Paula's Paris

Happy to be back in Paris again, because you are already my lover. I was looking through a window pane, now I am standing on the hands of Buddha, Today I am master of all I survey Parisian cobblestones pave my way. I lie back in the hot June sun, between your legs and bare feet. I know how lucky a man I am! With your breasts as my pillow, surrounded by a fine mist of your hair. Sweating with the still of the air. After this day I should say goodbye to you no more, of that I am sure. By the Seine I am hopelessly in love, and there is no pain! Kiss me one more time and, tell me that you will be mine. Things will go our way, we will have many a sweet summers day!

Copyright © August 2005 stephen g skipper


This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-08-31 09:19:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Lovely poem, stephen Paula's Paris [good inviting title] Happy to be back in Paris again, because you are already my lover. In its very ambiguity - is it Paris who is the narrator's lover or a human subject - this draws us in. I was looking through a window pane, now I am standing on the hands of Buddha, Amazing! How the poem [and life] changes in a moment in the most magical ways Today I am [master of all I survey] a little ordinary a phrase for this extraordinary poem Parisian cobblestones pave my way. [I remember them well!} I lie back in the hot June sun, between your legs and bare feet. [good sensual touch] I know how lucky a man I am! With your breasts as my pillow, surrounded by a fine mist of your hair. lovely! Sweating [in?] the still of the air. After this day I [will?] say goodbye to you no more, of that I am sure. By the Seine I am hopelessly in love, and there is no pain! Kiss me one more time and, tell me that you will be mine. Things will go our way, we will have many a sweet [summer's] day! Good ending but is it possible to get more mysticism in this poem - something to jar us - like the standing in the Buddha's hand - especially at the end? Really fine poem - May there will always be a Paris and young people in love. Rach


This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-08-29 12:12:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96667
This is a great way to memorialize the occasion as well as capture the moment Stephen, in a poem. I like the simplicity of this poem because the beauty of it lies in the actual moment that you have captured. It's so honest, and it paints a very real picture for the readers. The words, although not overdone or heavily written, are very illustrative, and as each line rolls on by I get a glimpse of lovers relaxing in the Parisian breeze. I can see the two of you sitting there and a speaker just basking in the glow of his lover's love. Whether you're in Paris or not, Paula's Paris is where you plan to stay forever, and the joy that you feel is evident in every word. What a lovely poem to write and to share with one you hold so dear. This is what poetry is for, and it must be why God gave it to us, to capture these wonderful moments, but to also give hope to so many readers who will catch a glimpse of the lives we live just by reading. Paula seems to be quite a woman, and I hope that every one in the world can feel the love that you portray in this poem at least once in life. It's worth living for and waiting for. Great poem. I enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-08-24 08:43:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Stephen: First of all, you know I am a fan of your writing. Secondly, I love romantic poems. Third, this has a delightful effect on me as a reader. There's nothing more wonderful than the feeling of "all for love and the world well lost." (Don't know who wrote that.) I was looking through a window pane, now I am standing on the hands of Buddha, Some humor here and a sense that life is grander than can be contained for the speaker, so in love. Today I am master of all I survey Parisian cobblestones pave my way. The world seems to reflect the joyousness and light-heart of the lover. I lie back in the hot June sun, between your legs and bare feet. Very sensuous and appreciative of what is, of living now in the presence of the beloved. Keep writing! Best always, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2005-08-19 23:22:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Stephen, Ah, you made me envious of your Paris and your being in love there. But then again, I return to my present circumstance and the five beautiful, healthy children sleeping above me, and I am very glad to be where I am. But it is nice to read of Paris from one who has been there. As to the poem, the line "I know how lucky a man I am" is surplus and should be thrown into the Seine. Damn, man, that's obvious. Don't ruin a nice poem with such a trite line. Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-08-14 11:21:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Stephen, It's a priviledge to have stumbled upon one of your poems and it's even more thrilling to find that you have more than one submission this month. What you did with 'shoes' in a previous poem of yours has left a very deep impression in my mind and I am confident that this 'Paula's Paris' will meet the expectations :-) Well, you certainly do a very good job at creating romance in words... 'I lie back in the hot June sun, between your legs and bare feet. I know how lucky a man I am! With your breasts as my pillow, surrounded by a fine mist of your hair.' Paula seems to have set your spirit free and this is often what love does to all of us. I gathered this from your allusion to the image of you looking through the window pane and the following imagery of you standing on the palm of the Buddha. This is a very innovative contrast. Well done here. Now, you've given us a very fine opening with a very descriptive body of the piece but the ending might just call for a closer look if you ever consider revising this or adding to the richness of the start. 'Kiss me one more time and, tell me that you will be mine. Things will go our way, we will have many a sweet summers day! ---this might seem a little cliche at this stage. Nevertheless, the meter is fine and I enjoyed the delicate rhyme scheme adopted. It gives this piece a happy, musical feel in keeping with the emotions you seek to convey. Take care, Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2005-08-10 12:41:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Hi Stephen, I have critiqued your poem "The Marsh Cat" and I recalled about your poem for Paula. Now, it is again a piece of inspiration for her. I like the scene that you are portraying here, so romantic. Paris is always associated with romance. I was looking through a window pane, now I am standing on the hands of Buddha, --- [I can relate to this as I can remember the days that I only keep on glancing to the one I admire at school but cannot get nearer to her. I like the use of Buddha. For me, it denotes that to have her said "YES" is more than having a treasure. With your breasts as my pillow, surrounded by a fine mist of your hair. --- [Yes, the closeness makes you feel the love. I am just smiling when you described "breasts as my pillow". Although there is no rhyme applied to the poem, I found this an enjoyable to read. Thanks for sharing this with us. Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-08-09 09:19:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Well certainly I hope you do (have a sweet summers day). Obviously you are a romantic and hopelessly in love. Good on ya mate as we say here. I am not quite sure of Buddha and Paris in the context you give it. But this is a lovely sensuous poem. I trust that Paula told you what you wanted to hear. Ah, I loved Paris on the left bank sipping wine, eating cheese, and revelling in the sights. Sigh... thanks for this post. Sweet title...the balance of the poem a bit rhythmically challenged but lovely none-the-less.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-08-08 15:30:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Stephen, What a lovely poem for your beloved Paula....I know in my heart that she can read this and smile and if she could reach down and touch your hand she would. My husband has been gone a long time now but when I remember him I only remember the good times. In every marriage there are hard times and sad times but all that has gone away from my memory cells and what remains are the sweet times and the good times....'with your breasts as my pillow, surrounded by a fine mist of your hair'...is so lovely it brings a lump to my throat. I have come to believe that grieving never really goes away...even tho some say that it does. It lessens and gets less hurtful but it is always there....'I'm hopelessly in love, and there is no pain!'..this is a positive line and one that lends hope to this reader that the grief is beginning to ease up for you. This entire poem is beautiful from the first line to the last..it is full of emotion and written with your heart and not your mind. My best to you and I am glad to see you are writing again. Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-08-04 06:45:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Good morning Poet.........sounds like a wonderful place to be in Paula's Paris.......indeed good structure within the lines of this one along with word flow, emotionally filled with your love and passion for Paula and the feelings of love returned to you........at times its like you do not believe you are there with Paula in this place of beauty that will be held dearly in both memories for years to come........nice images you create with the flow of your pen as well.......thank you for posting and sharing with us and I am certain Paula has enjoyed this one too. God Bless, Claire
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