This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-08-08 14:58:43 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Green Grass I walked to the forest and saw rugged columns of
wood too tall for sky's lid. Smelled emerald brome
and spied a bull Wapiti with velvet antlers
adorning his head.
Hushed is this woodland
I ran to the sea and saw waves crash
about, undismayed in their zeal. I tasted
salt and felt pointed pellets of water
spill upon my skin. Deep and dark is
This pelagic liquid
I found my way to the desert where
I saw a two-humped camel with funny flat feet,
let sand caress my fingers and toes.
Sun's lambent embers sear the soil in
This wilderness
I went to the city and saw giants made
of brick and steel that jabbed clouds. I
saw flickering lamps of light that pierced
my eyes, heard sounds that screeched. There is
No solitude in this place
I looked where I had been and
tried to see where I was going.
Then I went home... where the
Grass is ever greener |
|
Copyright © August 2005 marilyn terwilleger
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-09-06 21:30:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96154
I love the exploration of forest, sea, desert and city in this poem Marilyn. You give us nature, and you give us the world. In just about every country, a person could relate to the variety in this poem, and you have captured the essense of each natural habitat and setting so well.
The poem becomes so personal as each stanza goes by. As each place has its original and natural beauty, you express the joy in home whatever that may be because HOME is so many things to so many different people. As far as readership is concerned and this poem, HOME could be any one of these stanzas for all of us.
I think I'll go with your last one. I'm not big on the forest, the sea or the desert. Just give me the surrounding that I've created and the grass is truly greener.
I could relate to the wandering spirit of this poem and the love for a place called home, a love for that place where the grass is really greener, home.
Great poem.
Latorial
www.latorialfaison.com
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2005-09-06 09:27:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, this is a lovely poem! The imagery sings and the closing line of each stanza restates the location, so we never forget what's being described and - ultimately - compared. "Sky's lid", "pointed pellets of water", "pelagic liquid", "lambent embers", "flickering lamps" ... these are vivid and easy to picture. They also lend a dreamlike quality, since this is after all a sort of spiritual vision/awakening. The speaker may have literally traveled to these places, but now she is revisitng them in her imagination, I think, and offering thanks for having turned toward home.
We may believe that familiar things yield little by way of inspiration, but it's not uncommon to realize how important these are in the larger scheme of the universe. "Home" by any definition is the most powerful word of all. "Homelss" is the saddest. You've bound up all the connotations of hominess in your closing line, which is an oft-repeated idea, but for good reason. There are always fresh wonders to be found there, even when we think we know every single blade of grass.
This is a rich poem with appealing language and such an honest voice. Well done!
Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-09-03 05:22:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Marilyn,
This poem travels from the woodlands to the sea, from a desert to the city and in the end travels all the way back to the comforts and warmth of home where the 'grass is even greener'.
In taking us on this journey you have helped create vivid ambiences, giving your reader a strong feeling of exactly what it was like away from home. The woodlands were too hushed, the seas were too wet, the deserts were deserted and the city, too noisy for peace and ease. Home is where the balance is and I am sure most of us feel that way when we venture far. So, for those who say the grass is greener on the other side, the retort would be 'Then I went home... where the Grass is ever greener'.
I walked to the forest and saw rugged columns of
wood too tall for sky's lid. Smelled emerald brome
and spied a bull Wapiti with velvet antlers
adorning his head.
Hushed is this woodland
The sense of being overwhelmed as the first stop-over is highlighted here with the sky-pearcing trees being to tall too fathom...there doesn't seem much to offer as it is all very hushed and while the bull Wapitit might have been beautiful, he definitely wasn't someone who could provide a warm hug....unlike your son, perhaps..in the comfort of your home.
I ran to the sea and saw waves crash
about, undismayed in their zeal. I tasted
salt and felt pointed pellets of water
spill upon my skin. Deep and dark is
This pelagic liquid
We are now greeted with the crash of waves. They seem to greet the author with any lack of concenn. 'I tasted salt'...this itself must have been a complete turn-off and highlights the repellant in the level of comfort and life-long satisfaction a place like this could bring. Nice alliterative sound in pointed/pellets. Indeed the ocean is deep...and dark...it can be all consuming...as we have recently seen with the Tsunami in Asia and with Katrina in New Orleans. Surely, the sea cannot replace home sweet home. Pelagic is a nice rich word. I've noticed a lot of your pieces use some very nice, rich words that sound good to the ear.
I found my way to the desert where
I saw a two-humped camel with funny flat feet,
let sand caress my fingers and toes.
Sun's lambent embers sear the soil in
This wilderness
With due respect to camels...they are very sloppy....who would want a pet like that! And the funny flat feet seem to put you off at the outset. I like the fricative 'f' sounds in funny flat feet. The embers of the sun sear through the soil and it seems like the wilderness is part of an oven. Surely, this is too much to ask for when one seeks the warmth and there isn't a better composition of warmth than the kind we find at home.
I went to the city and saw giants made
of brick and steel that jabbed clouds. I
saw flickering lamps of light that pierced
my eyes, heard sounds that screeched. There is
No solitude in this place
I assume you live in a suburb, Marilyn. The fast life and screechy sounds of the city seem to disorient you. Like the trees of the woodlands the buildings seem to pierce the sky and overwhelm us tiny beings. They have no hearts...they are stiff in steel and brick. The crowds surge and solitary escapes.
This piece gives us a very clear picture into the love you feel for your home and of your appreciation for it. Very-well written and I especially liked the way you took us all over and brought us back to the place you love most.
Take care,
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joyce P. Hale On Date: 2005-08-17 06:20:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Ah, Joanne, what succinct and stabbing words proving that old adage. I was a little mislead by the title in my own mind, thinking it would be a write on green grass alone, not the greener grass from which many run from and then to....
*I walked to the forest and saw rugged columns of
wood too tall for sky's lid.* (What a picture this paints in the mind!)
*I ran to the sea and saw waves crash
about, undismayed in their zeal. I tasted
salt and felt pointed pellets of water
spill upon my skin.* (A true picture of the sea, its random fun and play!)
*I found my way to the desert where
I saw a two-humped camel with funny flat feet,
let sand caress my fingers and toes.* (I've never been to a far eastern desert, but can well imagine the vastness and reach, with the ship of the desert traversing it with no problem.)
*I went to the city and saw giants made
of brick and steel that jabbed clouds. I
saw flickering lamps of light that pierced
my eyes, heard sounds that screeched. There is
No solitude in this place* (So so true! The city is also a vast desert in ways.)
And the best line: *Then I went home... where the
Grass is ever greener* (Perfect, Marilyn!!)
I enjoyed it very much! Joyce
This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-08-14 10:40:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
MT,
I, over the past months, have enjoyed your vision for nature and support your expression, this poem being no exception.
Here you take the reader to see these beautiful vistas, excluding the city, then, you take us home, “where the Grass is ever greener”. I like the irony of finding our way back across the “fence” to our home. Nice.
The first stanza takes us into the wood; the trees handshaking the sky with wildlife abundant under their canopy. Your last line settles the beginning of this narrative, tucking us in comfortably, preparing us for the wisdom to come. I really like how “hushed is this woodland,” balances the stanza.
In the second stanza you bring energy to brighten our eyes, awakening our senses to the taste of salt and crash of waves, leaving us to ponder the depths of the “pelagic liquid”. This lends itself well to a myriad of possibilities. Coupled with the energy of this stanza, I’m left thinking, dreaming and looking forward to my uncharted days.
S3 takes us to the desert. A climate who’s harshness you disarm with the humor of the camel’s “funny flat feet”, before you remind us of the “sun’s lambent embers”, taking care to allows us a moment to feel the sand with “fingers and toes.” And reminding us, also, that this is a “wilderness”. At this point in my reading I’ve decided that anywhere away from the home is a “wilderness”. Hmmm.... Just something I’m thinking about.
In the fourth stanza you show a “wilderness” in which you are least adaptable; a “wilderness” that is unnatural. What does this say about how we evolve or if we actually evolve? What are we? Where do we belong? To find balance for one’s self among all of these wildernesses. To do this you take us home. And it only makes sense. A good home has an established balance and gives us a sense of belonging. I travel every chance I get, but there is nothing comparable to the feeling of walking in our front door and surrounding myself with the memories of all I have been and done. Allowing a moment of reflection to pass, before I look into the future of life’s adventures.
MT, you use the language poetically to express your interpretation of your life experience, yet communicate universally to include us in your poetry. I’m honored to participate in your vision. This being said, your writing itself is the highest compliment.
May your grass always be green, your forests hushed, your sun bright upon your desires, your waters deep with thought; may all your paths, trails and roads lead you home.
Take care,
Troy
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-08-11 20:02:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Clever, fresh play of words on an old phrase
I walked to the forest and saw rugged columns of
wood too tall [the] for sky's lid.[interesting opening] Smelled emerald brome
and spied a bull Wapiti with velvet antlers
adorning his head.
Hushed is this woodland [lovely]
I ran to the sea and saw waves crash
about, undismayed in their zeal.[good action] I tasted
salt and felt pointed pellets of water
spill upon my skin. Deep and dark is
This pelagic liquid [indeed]
I found my way to the desert where
I saw a two-humped camel with [-funny]flat feet,
let sand caress my fingers and toes.
Sun's lambent embers sear the soil in
This wilderness
[ah wilderness! great stanza above]
I went to the city and saw giants made
of brick and steel that jabbed clouds. I
saw flickering lamps of light that pierced
my eyes, heard sounds that screeched. There is
No solitude in this place
[nope ]
I looked where I had been and
tried to see where I was going.
Then I went home... where the
Grass is ever greener
splendid ending! Neat poem Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-08-10 23:09:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn,
I found this simply delightful, a great journey of varied tastes, sounds and sensations. You have crafted this piece superbly with an easy flow to your words and vivid discriptions, and in the end have brought it home with realization and contentment. Bravo for this delicious treat.
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2005-08-09 15:32:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn;
A trip around the natural world, with vivid descriptions
of many different types of habitats, yet you return to
the green of home and realized where your true
comfort lies...A reaffirmation that your basic
life and values are precious and should be savored,
without looking for exotic answers to simple questions
about peace and solitude, security and comfort.
Thanks for this introspective and instructive piece..
Always your friend,
Gerard
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-08-09 11:22:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn--Protagnist quite busy in this narrative, but what a journey!
This title/theme/tone, reminds me of the reversal of an adage: "the
grass is always greener on the other side". However, the arduous trek-
king inferenced here dispells that premise. Conversely, some aspects
of travels (forest, sea and desert) limned as doable. It doesn't matter,
the cause of these whimsies, but in the end scribe/wanderer plays her
ace-in-the-hole;
"I looked where I had been and
tried to see where I was going.
Then I went home... where the
Grass is ever greener"
The last stanza initiates and completes a heartfelt redeemption by a
grateful protagnist. Good story line, excellent imagery, great write
and super read. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-08-09 06:38:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Indeed my friend there is nothing better then the green grass of home. Just take a trip, fall sick and have to be hospitalized, be away from what you are used to and love and you will just wonder when you are able to return of how nice it is to be home. Good structure, word flow, images in each stanza that you stop and visit with taking us along on your journey. Brings back memories of my own time away from Tully when I was life flighted and hospitalized, away for over two months that time.........it was fall when I returned to my woods, the trees were in full color of the season and the grass though no longer green was just that to me, welcoming me home. Thanks for posting and sharing, take good care, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-08-08 17:17:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Hi Marilyn: I had to start off with this from your very last stanza...
I looked where I had been and
tried to see where I was going.
This just brought to mind a book on philosophy that I read some years ago and the title was:
"How do I know where I'm going if I don't know where I've been?" If I'm not mistaken it was by a
Rabbi Kushner (I may be wrong). Anyway, just thought you'd find that interesting.
Green Grass is aptly named, however it's not always on the other side as you brought home the point
I liked the line "rugged columns of wood...." and then tied it in with "giants made of brick and
steel...". Great comparison of the opposite.
Seeing the bull Wapiti you must have been North where I was from where a lot of places have names like
Wapiti Lodge, Wapiti College, etc.
I learned a new word - pelagic. Good one. I must study my dictionary a bit more now.
Sun's lambent embers sear the soil in
This wilderness.................I just love this line. Very eloquent.
You made this all flow so well from stanza to stanza that I just had to keep reading til the end
and then I re-read it several times.
Perhaps if you ever do a re-write you could include snow!
Anyway, kudos to you as this is on my list now!
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