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This Poem was Submitted By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2005-08-10 03:21:03 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Middle East

liquid swirling body undulating silk scarves teasing twinkly dangle of golden coins garbed thickly around satin skinned swaying hips naked soft sexual serpent arms hovering through exquisite goddess veils jewel encrusted breasts winding bracelet round swinging cymbals and bells dance the wanton beat of sweat sheen erotic soul driving slave heat

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-09-03 15:48:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.43243
Oh yeah give me a good belly dancer anytime over a stripper around a pole. I must send this to a friend of mine who teaches belly. A very sesual poem, with a good rhythm.I liked the layout to cymbalize (note spelling)the twist of the dance. I like the breasts best! tee hee. Anyway, I can see why it's up on the list and you;re ahead of me...darn! The title? Eh! I could think of more evocative ones...Middle East is sooo generic.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-09-02 07:34:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.74359
Jana: I can see why this poem has placed well in the contest! It has everything going for it, from the title to your formatting, to the sounds and imagery. It is serpent-shaped, as the words flow down the page, giving the reader’s eyes an easy journey. In this poem I think that your great strength is your ability to build a visual and auditory image with intense sensuality and lyricism. The persona of the woman comes alive before our eyes. I really enjoy the way you have left out punctuation. There is nothing to impede sensuous motion of this dancing woman. Enjambment works well- we are entranced and enthralled from first word to last. Poetry-crafting is delightfully well-done above, as our eyes may so easily follow “liquid/swirling/silk/twinkly/thickly/satin/hips” short ‘I’ sounds, suggest motion, building to a feverish finish at the end. Yielding consonants serve this poem exceedingly well, for example ‘w’,‘s’ and ‘y’ in “swirling/silk/scarves/twinkly/satin/ skinned/swaying/soft/sexual/serpent/swinging/cymbals” and throughout the poem. In many instances you have two or more yielding consonants in the same word, as “swirling/swinging” for instance. We hear the coins clinking daintily with the movement of the dancer’s hips, are entranced by their glitter. Males and females are equally drawn to such beauty and grace as this. The beginning of the poem builds in intensity and increases with ”naked soft sexual serpent arms hovering through exquisite goddess veils” and we begin to see this woman as more than a dancer, but as an embodiment of the divine feminine, with “goddess veils.” You show her to us now as a sacred dancer, someone who contains more than attractiveness but is a living, moving temple of the spirit. You also more than hint at the sacredness of sexuality, showing it as personified by this woman as a hallowed expression of the mysterious force that binds all things together in the created universe. The beat picks up, and we can easily hear the music through your words. You bring in strong plosives with “encrusted/breasts/bracelet/cymbals/bells/beat/ driving/dance” for example, with ‘c’, ‘b’ and ‘d’ consonants express the beat. We are caught up in the dance of life. There is a heartbeat in this poem. dance the wanton beat of sweat sheen erotic soul driving slave heat Again, the yielding vowels in “wanton/sweat/sheen” suggest a flowing, uninhibited feeling. The long ‘e’ of “beat/sheen/erotic/heat” suggests intense feeling such as pain or joy or sexual release. The final line asks a question, in my view. Are the dances and the dancer, or those who view her ‘slaves’ to the passion expressed and felt? Or is it our most essential nature, often \unacknowledged in the western world, which keeps us enslaved? Would a more open acknowledgement of our human nature makes for lives of greater joy and creative expression? I think you show quite aptly that all parts of life are sacred, including our passions. Beautifully expressed poem in all respects. I can suggest no changes. I thoroughly enjoyed this delightful piece – a great read! Many thanks for submitting this for comment here. Brava! Kudos, once more. My best always, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-08-31 14:57:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Jana, Everyones dancing this month. Yours is undulating, erotically. I believe you've captured the dancer perfectly. Especially by the swerving words. Dancing, driving, swinging cytmbols and bells, sweating, with the beat of slave heat. Does this mean she's a slave? No caps works too... Good job, fun poem. Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-08-25 02:07:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77273
If I did not know better poet I just enjoyed a belly dancer with all the frills associated with this sensous dance. Nice form/structure, word flow and images, certainly you have created a cascade of beauty within these lines. Middle East is a good title for this one as well.....your form actually moves to the music you might hear as you read on. Thanks for posting and sharing with us, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joyce P. Hale On Date: 2005-08-24 06:23:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
Jana, an excellent write in a unique fashion! The format you chose rivets one's attention on each word of description, painting in one's mind the picture about which you are writing. The erotic feel of the silk scarves, the allure of the gold coins, the hypnotic dance of arms, and the mesmerizing sound of cymbals and bells rivet the eye and mind. It was a delightful read! Peace. Joyce

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-08-21 00:59:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Jana, You bring us this celebration from the Middle East and do so exquistely. You wrote this beautifuly. I am not as familiar as you are with the traditions and customs of that part of the world but this is probably a wedding celebration of sorts....if not, then this probably has to do with belly dancing and I remember you telling me about your fascination of this while you were stationed there. To add innovation to genius you have made this piece dance with its theme. Your formatting is wavy in keeping with the inherent music. liquid swirling body --- hmmm, i've seen them dance and their bodies do move like liquid undulating silk scarves ---- cool alliteration, am enjoying this piece of entertainment (smile) teasing twinkly dangle of golden coins garbed thickly around satin skinned swaying hips ---- beuatiful alliterative sounds here naked soft sexual serpent ---some more alliteration, love the comparison with the serpent and the hints of sensuality. arms hovering through exquisite goddess veils ----- wow, you've done amazingly well to capture these women in words (like a moving photograph... jewel encrusted breasts ---- lavish, rich winding bracelet round swinging cymbals and bells dance the wanton beat of sweat sheen erotic soul driving slave heat ---- well, it must have been hot at the time!! What do I say? This is a rocket heading straight for the stars!! Magnificent, Jana. You've captured the ambience, the lavishness, the royalty of it all......wonderful piece of art. Close attention to sound, imagery, ambience, etc make this one of my all time favorites. Take care, Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2005-08-19 23:31:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Jana, You continue in your "rap" mode. Some nice phrasing throughout, very sensuous. Flesh dazzle, the supernatural breaking through the flesh, wonderful rhythm - did you know that poems don't have to have rhythm (Arnie will tell you all about it) - but, fortunately, you don't belong to that school. This one is definitely on my list. Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-08-13 10:53:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
Jana--You've certaintly captured a genre of this culture. I spent almost five years in this region (1968/70/75/87--Far East/Middle East) and can verify your penning as being right-on and done quite poetically! The imagery and layout of this is enhanced by lack of punctuation, which makes this an eyecatching, pleasant, heart pump- ing quick read. A tastefully and sensual write. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-08-11 15:41:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Jana, You have written such perfect and clear imagery here that I would believe you wrote it while watching these dancing girls. Off setting the last words of each stanza give this piece a cadence and creates such an image that I am not surprised that I can hear the music too....liquid swirling body..is wonderful as is undulating silk scarves...sensuous and appealing...swaying hips naked soft sexual serpent...exquisite goddess veils...jewel encrusted breasts....there are no other words, that I can think of, that would be more descriptive than these. I have often wondered, when I have seen these dancing girls in movies, how they can swivel their bodies in such a way...it is graceful and sensual all at the same time...and they seem to slither without actually moving....swinging cymbals and bells dance the wanton beat of sweat sheen erotic soul driving slave heat...amazing. You have wisely written this piece with no puncuation which IMO would detract from the rhythm you have created. Very well done...bravo!! Blessings....Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-08-10 17:39:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Very nice Jana, One of my friends just attended her cousin's wedding a few months back in California, and your poem reminds me of the story she told when she returned. The bride's father is Pakistani, and the pre-wedding gala was filled with all kinds of Middle Eastern charm and performances. At some point the bride and groom were masqueraded by dancers just like those you describe here. You did a wonderful job with this poem, and I love how the actual structure of the poem seems to sway and flow with the words. That's a very creative effect to add. Sometimes there's nothing like illustration and illustion, combined with the right words they can make a darn good poem. Great job. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-08-10 09:01:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Jana, I was going to take this line by line, but I love each and every line. You've painted such a vision in my mind I suppose now I'll have to get busy digitally and create it in the 3 demential world.....and of course as I read I could hear the music I know would be there so I suppose I'll have to get busy and compose some notes/melody for this also........ This is superb, totally away from your normal style, a new venture which you have crafted so exquisitely. Your word flow is smooth and undulating like your poem totally capturing the moment and taking the reader there to a place where there is nothing else but the moment. This was a delightful easy read, I'd love to see you do more of this type, kudos. Namaste' Lora

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