This Poem was Submitted By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-08-13 14:52:47 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Our Time

When my life nears the eternal pause, When an hour’s meaning  Grows deeper and more desperate  Than my words will ever translate When I face reflection’s demands To review my motions  Breaths and intentions, And face the spaces in-between  My longings past and desires consumed I pray my journey will be as sweet a reward As any destination reached, That my heart will lead me Carry me and keep me Without detour Down integrity’s path. Yet lying here Wrapped in your tenderness  And devoted embrace My contemplation slowly dissipates, As I look up towards the heavens Smiling inside, Knowing in this moment You are my life’s completion.

Copyright © August 2005 Audrey R Donegan


This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-09-07 21:03:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96552
The end was a sudden change Audrey, but I liked it. All of the things that you have contemplated in this poem are very real, and readers can surely agree with the poetic words that you say. There are so many things to wonder about, and your poem illustrates the sense of an individual wanting to live life freely, but full of integrity and goodwill. Within these lines are words from which we can gather much wisdom. Love is a beautiful sentiment, and I like how you bring everything back to love, and you show us the beauty and contentment of feeling that love in the last stanza. It can mean everything, and it can certainly make us feel complete. This last line could be a twist in that it speaks of a physical embrace by another human lover; however, on a more spiritual note and in keeping with the rest of the poem, the last stanza could be you wrapped in the sweet and safe arms of God. Very well done. Thanks for sharing. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com


This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-08-27 13:41:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90625
Audrey–You’ve impressively penned a dual positioned piece: (1) title encompasses a significant other while the first three stanzas meta- phorically/poignantly inferences scribe (only one) being acutely aware of prophesied inklings and future date with pious destiny. (2) Not so subtle twist/turn of last strophe ties protagonist, title and reader to present/real world, where significant other is center stage in admirable/enivable/secular/passionate relationship (...a bird in the hand is worth more than two in the bush...). IMO, this is a parallax of ‘free will’ prioritizing (if purposely done a stroke of genius, any other reason is fortuitous). Whatever the case, this post makes for a very interesting read. Sorry if I missed your point(s). TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: michaela z sefler On Date: 2005-08-24 19:50:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
very beautiful, life's completion is a nice way to end a poem, especially if you are good enough to know that integrity is what you want, michaela sefler
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-08-23 22:50:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
Audrey, Well structured and your thoughts flow one to the next easily. I seems that we all are on a path of contemplation of our final days here. Your emotions have given us another view of this subject. Thank you for the sharing of this piece.....it's on my list. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul R Lindenmeyer On Date: 2005-08-20 12:35:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Audrey, soft sharing of heartfelt amore. It is difficult to open up and verbalize tenderness and all its trappings, but you do a fine job with "longings past and desires consumed" "Smiling inside" ending in true "completion." Well written and appreciated by it's recepient I'm sure. My best to you, Peace, Paul
This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2005-08-18 12:36:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Dear Audrey; A wonderful, reflective, analysis of your current state of "love"....not as a wide eyed stricken young girl, but as a thoughtful discerning woman capable of making and assessing rational decisions...my favorite line..."knowing in this moment You are my life's completion"... Audrey...I think it sounds like you've met your soul mate....congratulations!....life is grand!!! Thanks for this positive upbeat and thoughtful love poem. Your friend, Gerard
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-08-17 15:23:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Audrey, I must first compliment you on some excellent poetry this month. You have composed these pieces with flair and have stitched your words together beautifuly. Like the three before this, I enjoyed 'Our Time' for its depth and poetic craftsmanship. This was a philosophically tempered piece, full of reflection. The piece leads the reader from a sense of contemplation ('When I face reflection’s demands/To review my motions/Breaths and intentions') to a sense of fulfiment ('My contemplation slowly dissipates, As I look up towards the heavens/Smiling inside/Knowing in this moment/You are my life’s completion.) In interpreting this, I would like to offer two views but will harp more on the first one. This does seem to be personal and beyond the projected philosophy of life...more on the lines of your lover and you and the answers you found within him. The second view is of a very close and personal relationship with a higher power, a divine being. This is equally possible but the title does water this interpretation down. When my life nears the eternal pause,---- a reference to death, eternal pause suggests a final closure When an hour’s meaning Grows deeper and more desperate ---- where the minutes matter more as they are scarce Than my words will ever translate --- nice way to enhance the depth of the fading hours When I face reflection’s demands ---- yes, as the curtains fall, there is a feeling of imposition to look back ---- To review my motions Breaths and intentions,-----love the cadence of these two lines And face the spaces in-between My longings past and desires consumed --- beautfuly stated I pray my journey will be as sweet a reward ---- loved this, the journey equal in its sweetness as the destination > eternal peace/paradise ---- As any destination reached, That my heart will lead me Carry me and keep me Without detour ---- detour (good) Down integrity’s path. Yet lying here Wrapped in your tenderness And devoted embrace ---- personalisation, image of intimacy My contemplation slowly dissipates ---- the answer has you in its arms As I look up towards the heavens Smiling inside, Knowing in this moment You are my life’s completion.--- wonderful way to end the piece, a feeling of immense satisfaction. Very very well written, Audrey. This poem is a package!! Excellent. Take care, Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-08-16 04:51:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78947
Audrey this is so beautiful.......a love poem for the one whose arms you are in and a love of life you have already lived. My mom lived with us here in Tully and I was her caretaker when she passed on a year ago. She was ninety two years then and her life's journey brought her happiness, loneliness when my dad passed over forty years ago (she never remarried for she always said she had the best)......she left a part of her with each of us in grandchildren , she taught us in dying there was no fear for her journey in the end was peaceful, she was here in my home , she was surrounded by family and friends who loved her dearly. Good structure, word flow, images, emotions, thoughts of what is to come.........I've had the journey myself five years ago and I as mama taught us there is nothing to fear in dying..........God is waiting and your angel is there with you holding your hand. Thank you for posting and sharing, I am certain many will take time to reflect upon this reading and it should make many top lists for this month. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-08-14 13:29:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Well once again to face the unknown. Who really knows what's beyond? Nobody can exactly say (and I don't care if it's even the Pope himself). Nobody has really been there and back. Oh sure some have the experience of going through the tunnel, seeing the light, but is that for real. I'm such a blooming sceptic at times especially after reading this about how sure you know what the final journey is. I assume the part about being wrapped in your tenderness means you are speaking of G-d? It must be nice to know that you have these thoughts and surety about the beyond. Me? I'm scared. I've watched a lot of my patients die, and thank goodness most of them not in pain. I want to believe but there are so many unanswered questions. You have laid out your premise well from beginning to end making it easy to follow.I was just wondering if you might change your title to "My Time". Thanks so much for this. Got me to thinking again about the inevitable.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2005-08-13 19:39:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Audrey, Your name rings a bell but I cannot recall when or where. I was drawn to the poem for its theme or what I interpreted as theme... death. "Eternal pause" is an attractive descriptor and I particularly like "an hour's meaning grows deeper and more desperate than my words will ever translate." I sit here reading each word singularly then dually and I am struck anew that you, sweet child, pulled these words from the sport pages (?) I am also struck again with intricacies of the demon and how he tries to interfere with even small events. (Which are so important to you and to me.} Third stanza...perfection...a confection but this a lovely piece of writing. I will keep it next to my heart. And wish with you a sweet journey without detour down integrity's path. Your meditation drifts and in that almost-almost sleeping, looking towards heavens, we both are smiling inside. Listen to your friends, to the voice of God, most certainly. Discovering your husband is your life's completion***Sweet moment. Best wishes with your poem...I give it top marks. FYI, I, too, stand near the eternal pause, Mell Morris
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