This Poem was Submitted By: michaela z sefler On Date: 2005-08-15 08:06:44 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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A VESSEL
A vessel I made
decorated in blue;
with comely stones
and colors that are new.
A precious gem
garbed and decorated;
mined from the ground,
witnesses wonders.
A cup of gold;
made in style;
decorated and stained
in a comely fashion.
Blue like the skies
blue like the oceans;
the seat of the Lord;
in all it’s Glory.
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Copyright © August 2005 michaela z sefler
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-08-20 11:58:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Michaela,
I like your repetition of "blue" and "decorated" very much.
I don't know what the "vessel" is but I would love to know,
guessing that it is your soul. I wonder what the "new colors"
are -- I can only surmise that they are colors yet unseen.
Best wishes,
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2005-08-19 13:27:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Michaela,
Well, well, some Judaic-Christian poetry. The lushness of Joseph's coat of many colors, Noah's rainbow, the grandeur of the Temple and the ark of the covenant . . . you call them to mind with your vessel. The "seat of the Lord" clinched the associations. A poetic vessel made about a vessel made made possible by the Lord's original making - and the string of beautiful creation goes on.
Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-08-17 02:12:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Poet this poem is so soothing to your soul, at least it is to mine. Good structure, word flow, images created with the flare of your pen bringing forth creation......as only the Lord can do. Man comes from the earth and woman from man's rib as they say in the beginning.......like the way you have put it here for all to see......my mom used to say she was just a vessel and she was a tired one at that. Mama lived with me for the last few years of her life, her health failing so and she wanted to pass here at home which the Lord allowed. I must add, for her ninety two years on this earth when mama passed her skin took on a younger, smoother look and her last lesson to her children was there is no fear in dying. Don't know why I shared this with you poet but your poem reminded me of mama and her journey through life.....Thanks for posting and sharing, God Bless, Claire
mama's vessel was decorated somewhat in blue with her beautiful blue eyes that have been passed down for two generations already.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-08-16 07:53:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77778
A VESSEL [unusual title, draws your reader in]
A vessel I made
decorated in blue;
with comely stones
and colors that are new. [earth]
A precious gem
garbed and decorated;
mined from the ground,
witnesses wonders. [man]
A cup of gold;
made in style;
decorated and stained
in a comely fashion. [the sun]
Blue like the skies
blue like the oceans;
the seat of the Lord;
in all it’s Glory. [the Heavens]
Michaela you have good structure and an easy flow. There is one awkward place that brings hesitation and that is in line 8, I think because of the plural of the words, but can make no suggestions with out altering the meaning, which would alter your poem. I may be way off on what you were speaking of however to me this spoke of the creation, of earth, man, the sun and it spoke of the Heavens where God sits in his Glory. Your verbiage paints vivid pictures and lent a sense of awe and peace. Thank you for sharing this with us, good read.
Lora
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