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This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-08-15 16:11:47 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Shadow's Last Sigh

Upon the wake of dawn and dark is gone impetuous shadows cloak the yawning land Across the meadows and o'er the plain, ocean sands, and fields of tawny grain Moutain shadows give life to a blanket of smoky gray and enclose the velvet lea Deep purple mist of winter's noon cradles seas of shadows in shivering trees Slithering night folds its shade, wily winds wave adieu to shadow's last sigh

Additional Notes:
I posted this a long time ago and ran across it again today...for whatever reason decided to re-post it.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-09-05 12:03:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.95122
Marilyn, this was a very poetic and filling read. It flowed very well. I always like to see writers bring out the best of nature in poetry. Nature is very poetic, and putting it in words leaves something to cherish. I like the couplet form of the stanzas, and what gives this poem an added flair is the word usage, the aliiteration and the play on sounds and rhythm. It's not a planned rhythm. It just happens at the right moment and at the right time. You have lead us into a poem that gives us a few moments of peace and tranguility, and a quick glimpse of nature. Very good. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-09-04 14:02:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, I am glad I found one of yours here. There always remains a manner of redemption when reading your work. Shadow's Last Sigh (I will wait till the end to address this) - Upon the wake of dawn and dark is gone impetuous shadows cloak the yawning land – Your opening stanza clings like those shadows. I look at you with a little more clarity for you have described the “shadows” as impetuous. I can see the rising sun, and the sudden shadows... which as the sun rises, are shortened till nearly gone, till the afternoon, they grow and become impetuous again, knowing the darkness is their death. Across the meadows and o'er the plain, ocean sands, and fields of tawny grain – Tawny is a great and powerful word with multiple meanings that meet the need of this verse. “meadows/sands/grain” all speak to the sun granting a rebirth. Moutain (sp) shadows give life to a blanket of smoky gray and enclose the velvet lea – “The velvet lea – there is a poetic line I shall strive not to steal (excellent), and the mountains covered in fog/gray/ as the rising god makes it look up for warmth. Well said. Deep purple mist of winter's noon cradles seas of shadows in shivering trees – Wonderful again, “seas of shadows” your piece is a smorgasbord for the lover of verse. Shadow/Shivering trees... The SSSS make the shivering in a real sense, reinforcing the cold. Slithering night folds its shade, wily winds wave adieu to shadow's last sigh – Slithering Night/Wily Winds – bringing personality to the night, and day, and seasons, and life here... whether we watch or live it. Waving adieu, a fitting departure for the shadows... impetuousness!! I enjoyed this immensely. Thanks for sharing it.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-08-29 16:20:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78947
Hi Marilyn, It's funny when the light of day goes it's gone...it's nowhere to found, but the night darkness is still in our day. In the closet/under the bed/in a drawer/as shadows. Waiting to pounce at the appointed hour. Shadows slip into blackness. I like this about shadows. You use good descriptive words. Ocean sands/tawny grain, cloaking is good too. . good internal rhymes: gray/lea trees/seas Lots of good alliterations also. Slithering/shade/shadows/sigh, wily winds wave adieu [a-dew] Good Marilyn..... Enjoyable Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: cheryl a kelley On Date: 2005-08-23 13:20:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn A beautiful piece, nice word choices create a real picture of that transitioning time of day. type-o missing n in mountain threw me for a second... all the ws in the last stanza sing off your tongue. a great ending to a beautifully written piece thanks for re-posting, as I missed it the first time!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-08-23 00:32:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Marilyn, This was a lovely piece of writing and aptly titled 'Shadows last Sigh'. From the crack of dawn to the cover of night you have given us some vivid imagery - Upon the wake of dawn and dark is gone --- nice rhyming sounds of dawn/gone; very musical impetuous shadows cloak the yawning land --- yawning land is nice; again nice rhyme yawn/dawn/gone Across the meadows and o'er the plain, ocean sands, and fields of tawny grain --- tawny is a nice word; i notice a lot of the AWN sounds. Moutain shadows give life to a blanket of smoky gray and enclose the velvet lea --- good imagery, velvet lea sounds good Deep purple mist of winter's noon cradles seas of shadows in shivering trees --- wow! beautifuly stated great lines. Slithering night folds its shade, wily -- night slithering like a serpent winds wave adieu to shadow's last sigh --- nice alliterative sound in 'wily winds wave', nice ending I liked what you've done with shadows, Marilyn. Well written! Looking forward to reading more. Take care, Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-08-20 16:01:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
MT: I rememeber this. It contains lovely sounds and images, for example the sounds in "upon the wake of dawn and dark is gone/impetuous shadows cloak the yawning land." "on/awn/gone" and the k's in "wake/dark/cloak" give it a rich texture, and that resonance in the bones when it is spoken. Across the meadows and o'er the plain, ocean sands, and fields of tawny grain -- and here, your rhymes sing out Moutain shadows give life to a blanket -- this could be a double-entendre or not? of smoky gray and enclose the velvet lea (here I might say "enclosing velvet lea" for the meter, but I really don't want to suggest changes Deep purple mist of winter's noon cradles seas of shadows in shivering trees --- the 'i' sounds are brilliant notes Slithering night folds its shade, wily winds wave adieu to shadow's last sigh And closing with humor and tongue in cheek, the poem's melancholy changes slighty in tone. You did a good thing by posting this one again, and thank you for letting us enjoy it once more. You do nature really, really well, with spooky undertones. I love that!!! Best always, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-08-17 11:49:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
marilyn--I didn't hesitate to look for the initial post. After HEARING this title, I dove in! This enjambing personified rhyming (shadows/meadows; land/ sands; plain/grain; lea/seas/trees; shade/wave) terse piece reeks of subtle poetics: every word caresses the tongue, but especially; "Slithering night folds its shade, wily (Oxymoronic/personification/paradox/ winds wave adieu to shadow's last sigh" tongue twisting'Ws'/everything-wow!) Verbiage not only present vivid imagery, but also produce sonorous rhythm. Five pieces packing a nature punch-smile. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-08-17 02:05:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Thank you for reposting this one poet, I do not recall having read it before and it certainly is well worth the read. Love the journey from morning wakening and the sun bursting forth bringing out your shadow or mine as the case may be.......a journey through the daylight hours into nightfall when the shadow will once more sleep. I had a yard sale once here in Tully, well more then once but this particular day I had my camera and was snapping pictures of the items I was going to sell. I was being silly and raised my hand as though I was going to wave to someone and snapped and when I looked at it I immediately came in and put the picture into my computer, sent out emails to everyone listed at that time indicating I was waving from Tully as my shadow was there for everyone to see. Thanks for posting and for the memories you brought forth with this one. My best to you in the contest for this one is certainly a winner. A beauty with all the colors you have added and the nature scenes as well........God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-08-16 09:44:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77778
Marilyn, I was going to go line by line but then decided not.......this is just so delicious with all these earthy discriptions, a day in the life of a shadow, how clever you are. Your poem is well structure, flows easily and the cadance is right on for me. I can not pick any one line that I like the best for I like them all. You taken your reader on a great excursion from sun up to sun down all the places a shadow travels and the imprint it leaves on where it has been. This left me with a contented peaceful feeling, and I too sighed at the end. Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-08-15 17:49:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Still really words well! Shadow's lass Sigh Upon the wake of dawn and dark is gone impetuous shadows cloak the yawning land nice Across the meadows and o'er the plain, ocean sands, and fields of tawny grain ...this couplet is not as fresh as the others- sounds a little God Bless America that is the unertone you are going for it will need more in the other stanza to make that connection clear. Moutain shadows give life to a blanket of smoky gray and enclose the velvet lea [good assonance, splendid! ] Deep purple mist of winter's noon cradles seas of shadows in shivering trees Slithering night folds its shade, wily winds wave adieu to shadow's last sigh good personification here and throughout htis piece best Rach

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