This Poem was Submitted By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2005-08-19 23:37:06 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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The Dirt Farmer
Early morn, he ambled to the grange
Equipped with farming tools
His mind directed merely to a sole purpose
To till the soil for his family to survive.
His arms are stalwart enough
To scythe the grasses along the paddies
His eyes are keen enough
To watch the pesky rats
Protecting the rice
As if it is his dear child.
Even how much heat is given off by the noonday sun
His back never retires,
Though his skin is tanned with sunburns
Still proud to cuddle his beloved sons.
In the farmhouse he never long for music
Yet bluebirds glide in liquid notes
Serving melody in the paddies,
The trees dance gaily
Witnessing him from a distance
Through the mountain in its mantle of green.
My father is a dirt farmer
He has uplifted the dignity of labor
Through his untiring hands
That cultivate the farm to be rife with good harvest
Making our place a breadbasket.
I love my father
More than I love farming.
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Copyright © August 2005 Jordan Brendez Bandojo
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2005-09-07 20:40:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Hi Jordan,
This is a wonderful tribute to your father.
I wish I had more time to tell you all the things I like about this.
I'm sure it's no surprise that this is my favorite stanza (being a nature nut myself):
"In the farmhouse he never long for music-------long[s]
Yet bluebirds glide in liquid notes
Serving melody in the paddies,
The trees dance gaily
Witnessing him from a distance
Through the mountain in its mantle of green."
I'm so glad to see you back at TPL writing and sharing.
Your preswence here is to the good of TPL.
Blessings,
Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-09-06 07:25:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.97059
Hi Jason! Good to see your work again.,
I adore this tale of love for a father.
early morn, he ambled to the grange
The word "morn" sound a little archaic here and is the only
sound in the poem that feels a little out of place
Equipped with farming tools
His mind directed merely to a sole purpose
To till the soil for his family to survive.\
[We can already see him - determined and strong]
His arms are stalwart enough
To scythe the grasses along the paddies
His eyes are keen enough
To watch the pesky rats[,]
[to proect] the rice [otherwise it is the rats protecting he rice]
As if it is his dear child.
as indeed such sustance becomes for a loving parent
[No matter] how much heat is given off by the noonday sun
His back never retires,
Though his skin is tanned with sunburns
Still proud to cuddle his beloved sons.
the pleasure of holding them outweighing the pain of the sunburns-
wonderful testimony to his love.
In the farmhouse he never [longs?] for music
Yet bluebirds glide in liquid notes [lovely scene!}
Serving melody in the paddies,
The trees dance gaily
Witnessing him from a distance {I adore the way this poem suddenly becomes mystical]
Through the mountain in its mantle of green.
My father is a dirt farmer
He has uplifted the dignity of labor [or has been uplifted in the dignity of labor?}
Through his untiring hands
That cultivate the farm to be rife with good harvest
Making our place a breadbasket. [wonderful!}
I love my father
More than I love farming.
Yes, that is evident in this loving tribute.
Thak you for this lovely piece
best,
Rachel-
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-08-24 10:41:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88462
Jordan--IMO, a dual tribute: to farming and patriarch (giving a
majority tilt to the father-smile). I can personally attest to
the backbreaking hard work involved, since I was a sharecropper
in Georgia during my formative years. And, true the satisfaction
derived therein;
"Early morn, he ambled to the grange
Equipped with farming tools
His mind directed merely to a sole purpose
To till the soil for his family to survive."
Your vivid imagery throughtout aptly honor the much unappreciated
"...Dirt Farmer/your father, esp.;"
"My father is a dirt farmer
He has uplifted the dignity of labor
Through his untiring hands
That cultivate the farm to be rife with good harvest
Making our place a breadbasket.
I love my father
More than I love farming."
Thanks for sharing this personal/heartfelt narrative. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-08-23 22:48:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
Jordan,
You have crafted your tribute to your father well in this well structure easy flowing poem. Your words have imprinted on the mind a life style which is foreign to alot of people. Thanks for the great read.
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joyce P. Hale On Date: 2005-08-23 05:42:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.69231
What a stirring write, Jordan!! It portrays the backbreaking work and always-careful watchfulness of a person tilling their livelihood, his strength and his love; the poetry and music of his movements and thoughts; and the love and care he has for his family. The title is two-fold; it brings to mind the worldliness of those who toil so theirs and others might have sustenance, and the earthiness of their daily chores. But the last two lines are the most beautiful:
*I love my father
More than I love farming.*
Excellent write!! Joyce
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-08-21 00:35:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Jordan,
What a wonderful tribute! Have you read this to your dad yet?
'He has uplifted the dignity of labor' ---- I am glad I found this poem at the top of my list. It highlights the depth of parental love and the lengths our parents go through to ensure that our lives are as comfortable as possible. It is the same with my parents and my parents tell me stories of their parents having made similar sacrifices. Parental love is universal indeed.
Early morn, he ambled to the grange
Equipped with farming tools
His mind directed merely to a sole purpose
To till the soil for his family to survive.------ this verse reveals the mindset of a determined individual; straight to the grange to till the soil.
His arms are stalwart enough
To scythe the grasses along the paddies ---- i like your choice of words thus far (ambled, stalwart, scythe)
His eyes are keen enough
To watch the pesky rats ---- pesky rats (like the delicate sound of this)
Protecting the rice
As if it is his dear child. ---- great line to highlight how protective your dad is.
Even how much heat is given off by the noonday sun
His back never retires,
Though his skin is tanned with sunburns
Still proud to cuddle his beloved sons ---- the epitome of a family man.
In the farmhouse he never long for music
Yet bluebirds glide in liquid notes ----- beautiful line, my favorite
Serving melody in the paddies,
The trees dance gaily
Witnessing him from a distance
Through the mountain in its mantle of green ---- love the imagery here --- a very strong verse, good poetics
My father is a dirt farmer
He has uplifted the dignity of labor
Through his untiring hands
That cultivate the farm to be rife with good harvest
Making our place a breadbasket. ---- to sum it all up..parental sacrifice at its best.
I love my father
More than I love farming --- you could not have chosen a better ending, Jordan. You talk a lot about farming in this piece but it is your dad who means more...afterall, he farms for you and your family.
This piece was brimming with delicate sounds and delicate touches in keeping with its theme. Well- written!
A small correction - In the farmhouse he never long for music ---- longs for music
Looking forward to reading more of your work. It was interesting to note that you are 25 years old. I'm 25 years too and have been on the link since 2001. I'm from India.
Take care,
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-08-20 16:34:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Hi Poet...super lovely tribute to your dad....Sad to say often we do not stop to think how important all these farmers are and what they do for us in this life.....
We forget how they often put their own life on hold so we might not go without.
You have written beautiful , meaningful words poet...My in-laws were farmers in their lifetime, from morning to night they worked the land to feed many. not just his immediate family..survival in many times of harsh weather, storms which might ruin an entire crop and leave the farmer pocket empty.
Often we take Sunday afternoon drives in the countryside and through the farmers land.......love to take in all the beauty there is just waiting to see. Amazing are the animals, the rivers that run through the property to make certain the crops are watered and the animals as well.
I am far from a farmer of large portion but I do plant a garden each spring and I just love to play in the soil, emmerse those first seeds, covering them just enough and then waiting, counting the days till they will burst forth through the soil reaching for the sky above....
I have never seen a rice paddy except perhaps in a movie,
...his eyes are keen enough the pesky rats....I have a sense that the rats in your country are very large.., with wetlands across from our home here in the country we have what is called, water rats and they might grow to the size of a house cat which is way to big for me.....
his back never retires...dad certainly worked hard and long hours
toiling in the soil, under the hot sun...he certainly had spirit and a will to survive.
..the trees dance gaily..certainly a lovely image created along with many others....
The fruits of your dad's labor are with good fine harvest making your place and his life so worthwhile in so far as being a breadbasket place......
I love my father more than I love farming...beautiful ending poet, touching to the soul.
Thank you for taking the time to post this wonderful tribute to your dad.....for allowing us the journey in time with you into the kind of man he grew to be. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2005-08-20 15:02:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Dear Jordan;
A wonderful tribute to the
lifetime of love and labor exposed through the
daily actions of your father as the
provider for his family from his loving
son.....a thoughtful loving tribute for a
lifetime of untiring effort....simply
wonderful Jordan, your father should be
proud ....thanks for sharing this heartfelt
piece.
Your friend,
Gerard
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-08-20 12:48:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Jordan,
What a lovely tribute to your father! This is funny...I also wrote a poem about a farmer this month..titled 'The Farmer!' We must be on the same wave length...whatever that means! We so often forget what farmers do for us...we would be foraging like animals without them. You have written some beautiful phrases through out this piece...I will point out the ones I like best but probably won't get them all...sole purpose to till the soil for his family to survive...his arms are stalwart enough to scythe the grasses along the paddies...I have only seen rice paddies in pictures and they always look serene to me...his eyes are keen enough the pesky rats....I have a sense that the rats in your country are very large..chilling thought...his back never retires...I can only imagine how hard your father toils in the hot sun everyday, he must be very strong of mind and body..the trees dance gaily (love this line)...through the mountain in its mantle of green (love the notion of green mountain being covered by a mantle!)..he has uplifted the dignity of labor through his untiring hands, that cultivate the farm to be rife (good word usage) with good harvest making our place a breadbasket...very good...then the last lines I am sure would make your father weep...
I love my father more than I love farming...beautiful ending to an outstanding poem! I am happy that this poem was on my list today!
Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-08-20 11:47:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jordan:
This poem of love for you father is very moving. These are the
lines which really sing to me:
Yet bluebirds glide in liquid notes
Serving melody in the paddies,
The trees dance gaily
Witnessing him from a distance
Through the mountain in its mantle of green.
Exquisite!
It's wonderful to see another of your creations.
Best always,
Joanne
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