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This Poem was Submitted By: michaela z sefler On Date: 2005-08-22 14:16:30 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Give Me Shelter

Give me shelter sustain me what is appropriate? for my soul. Give me relief; give me an answer; what can I tolerate? for my body. Give me help look my way; what is appropriate? for my stature. The love that was forever instilled; my heart’s desires that exist within when will you recognize? my right. Give me shelter the one you can afford, what can you tolerate? for my times. Be generous; with my humble stance; what is mine? you tell me. Give me shelter; what you deem fit, what can you spare? for my wanting soul.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-09-01 22:44:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96875
Michaela, I'm not sure if you wrote this before or after KATRINA, but it is very appropriate for right now and what victims are experiencing in all of the disaster areas in the US. Actually, I see more than that in this poem. I see the hurt of those suffering international crises. The title line rings loud and clear, and it was a gret idea to repeat that line throughout the poem. Give me shelter. Give me relief and give me help are words that often seem to bounce of many ears. I'm praying that in the most recent case, eyes will be opened and all things delivered. Great, touching, heartbreaking, but very real poem. On a more personal level, I recognize that this could be a relationship poem about a soul in need of something more from someone close. Great job. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com

This Poem was Critiqued By: Philip M Pope On Date: 2005-08-29 17:01:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Very nice but then again I am a sucker for a -straight from the heart- piece so eloquently written. Your use of the form is seemingly simple Yet the Q&A machine gun forces the answers to be at least touched upon in the readers mind. This poem demands that everyone examine their reasons for -...1)what is appropriate? ...2)what can I tolerate? ...3)what is appropriate? ...4)when will you recognize? ...5)what can you tolerate? ...6)what is mine? ...7)what can you spare? - I think the form is lovely ballet.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2005-08-26 08:01:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Michaela, this piece has the most wonderful, psalm-like cadence. The brevity of the lines suits it well because the reader is forced to pause in exactly the right places to maintain rhythm. Then, at midpoint, those three longer lines form a sort of pivotal tercet, around which the poem is built. "When will you recognize?" speaks volumes about the speaker's feelings toward the other person's apparent indifference. "Give me an answer"; "look my way" have led up to this plea. I sense imbalance -- which may be irreconcilable, for the poet does not tell us or even hint at answers. In the second half, the speaker focuses on what the other person might wish. "The one you can afford;/what can you tolerate?" She has switched from her perspective to this second indivdual ... a neglectful spouse or hoped-for lover. The journey from "I" to "you" can be rewarding, but here it seems fraught with longing and pain. I feel sorry for the speaker; yet at the same time, I want to shake her and tell her "Look, there's humility and then there's abasement!! Don't fall into the latter trap; you're worth way more than that." I've been there, you see. "You tell me" is both ironic (I suspect) and, at another level, self-negating. When shelter turns into totality of control - rather like standing in the shadow of an eclipse - it can be smothering. So the poem elicits my gut reaction, which is fantastic because it has to do this, in order to work. And work it does. With chilling effectiveness, in fact. My Best, Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-08-25 11:24:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Hello Michaela. I believe this is the first poem of yours I've seen. Some of us on this site (us oldtimers) are now trying to shorten our critiques in order to get more in (just for your information). What I've just written is probably longer than most critiques! hahaha... Okay, for starters, you may or may not agree, but I don't like to use a title that's already in the body of the poem. Something I learned in a workshop a long time ago...but that's your choice. As for the rest of this piece, it's well structured and laid out. You ask "What can you spare?" It seems like you are questioning yourself (or a diety), and perhaps it's an answer that will never be answered! Have you thought of that? Thanks for posting this provocative piece.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-08-25 02:03:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77273
This one reads like a prayer poet.........seeking out and reaching out to find shelter from your Lord....at least that is what I feel when I read this. A soul searching for some relief from the pain it is presently in, knowing one is never given more then one can handle.........still, it is nice to know from within that He is always with us.......good structure, word flow and images....indeed filled with emotions and images only the reader brings forth from your pen. I know each reader will most likely go in a different direction but this one certainly likes the road she has taken. Thank you for posting and sharing, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-08-24 08:31:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Michaela: Your title is appealing - a direct request, possibly addressed to a parent, guardian or to other significant persons in the speaker's life. It could be a prayer, as well, for it has a reverent tone, a direct appeal for generosity. I especially love the way you have formatted this poem to cascade down the page, taking the reader's eye along with it. Your sounds add much poignancy with many 'm' and 's' sounds, adding to an almost psalm like lyricism. Wonderful! I want to read more of your work. Thanks for this. Best always, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2005-08-23 14:23:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Michaela, I just remarked to a gentleman about the value of repetition, and told him he needed to be more subtle. YOu were quite ingenious in your handling of repetition here. Nice effect. Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2005-08-23 00:21:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi, This poem did inspire a lot of thoughts on my part. I see someone who is unhappy, and not being treated the way they want to in life. There is a hidden anger, and a sarcastic search in questions - as to what they think someone else should offer them. We can expect someone to give us respect, but sometimes the expectations are not met, thus emotions are built, stored then vented. I enjoyed you poem, not sure of all the punctuation being necessary, it may read smoother without. Remember, we "allow" people to treat us the way they do, by tolerating it - Great write. DeniMari

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