This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-08-23 13:49:13 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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I Think I Will Where do we go when hearts stop
and souls escape from pools of
blood and flesh?
Do we float unguided and
un-swaddled, shading our
brow from glare but
straining our necks
to see?
I have decided I shall
go undaunted and
undismayed with a
sprinkling of
outlandish grace.
At least I think I will |
|
Copyright © August 2005 marilyn terwilleger
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-09-05 12:12:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.95122
What a thought Marilyn, and we all think about it. Your poem is the rhetorical question to many different instances in life. It can be the end of relationships or the end of what many of our brothers and sisters are experiencing after that hurricane right now.
I love the language of this poem. The words that you have chosen cause the lines to ebb and flow at just the right pace and in just the right fashion.
Where do we go when hearts stop
and souls escape from pools of
blood and flesh?
(What really does happen after a certain kind of death, and I say this because death occurs on various levesl from the smallest right down to the end of our lives, and you've asked a question here that still and will always remain.)
I have decided I shall
go undaunted and
undismayed with a
sprinkling of
outlandish grace.
Many of us want to exit with grace, and that means so many different things for different people.
Thanks for making me think about it, and I'm sure that other readers will do the same. You have pointed to a real question that is entertained daily by people everywhere.
Thanks for sharing. Great job.
Latorial
www.latorialfaison.com
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-09-04 20:44:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, I find a calming in this piece. I can honestly say it is not a subject foreign to my recent thought processes, and I wonder at the grace you display.
I Think I Will – One cannot comment on the title till reading the piece. The “I Think” is a powerful reconnoiter on the probability and possibility of future beyond the body. I Think, is something, I think is right.
Where do we go when hearts stop
and souls escape from pools of
blood and flesh? – I believe quantum mechanics is correct, and that our “soul” is the combination of many quantum interactions, we should, by rote, overcome the “blood and flesh”, but that is just what “I think”.
Do we float unguided and
un-swaddled, shading our
brow from glare but
straining our necks
to see? – Now this I have no answer for, because, I am not sure of the expanse and shape of the cosmos, nor the interactive abilities of a deity. I will be a rubbernecker to the end!!
I have decided I shall
go undaunted and
undismayed with a
sprinkling of
outlandish grace. – Kind of what I see, though I don’t think I will be undismayed... to much of this world I love, I may be dismayed, but I think I will remain undaunted. either there is, or there isn’t, I’ll find out soon enough.
At least I think I will – Excellent reinforcement of your title and them. Excellent, let’s undaunted the next step.. a capella!!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-09-04 15:19:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.52941
Hi Marilyn,
Lots of luck controling your demise.
We can control somthings...but not all things.
Wanting to go gracefully we all desire.
I think sometimes we can surrender to what is and what will be.
Because in actuality, our only choice is our response.
Your poem broaches a subject we all wonder about.
What I no for sure, is it will be outlandish...[I think!]
good job
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-09-03 09:05:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.38235
Well I trust you will. I presume you are talking about your death (hopefully not yet), and or the
deaths of those in New Orleans, etc. I am becoming more and more cynical...like prove to me there
really is a G-d behind all this suffering. Prove to me that there is something after I die. Prove to me that there are ghosts and angels and...I stop. Yeah, I too want to go out with outlandish grace. Perhaps with
a band playing...Gee Marilyn,darn you for making me think this morning.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-08-25 07:03:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80769
Marilyn:
I believe this is your finest poem yet. Where do we go when we die, and how?
What will it feel like? Will we be lost? I love every single word of this poem,
for if I am honest, it captures my deepest curiosity as well. Who reports back,
for certain, on what death is like. I especially love:
Do we float unguided and
un-swaddled, shading our
brow from glare but
straining our necks
to see?
Easy to imagine us floating in the Sun's light, completely vulnerable without
our covering of flesh, in our soul's body, like a newly hatched butterfly.
"straining our necks to see" -- what an apt metaphor! Our metaphorical necks,
stretched taught, looking around at what we have never seen. Like children
on the Fourth of July! How wonderful and original!
I have decided I shall
go undaunted and
undismayed with a
sprinkling of
outlandish grace.
MT, you have caught the wonder if it, and with your insouciance, the attitude
of hope, humor, sparkle and joy that I have come to know in your writings all
over the site, in your poetry and elsewhere. It is so you, and yet, so 'me'
also. "undaunted/undismayed" -- completely yourself, and something more.
At least I think I will
Your humility, honesty, and ability to capture in words the ineffable along
with your wit just shine here! I'm dazzled and bedazzled by this offering.
I think you definitely have a winner here!!
Magnificent in every way, my friend.
Sigh! (I wish I had written this!)
With love,
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Kenneth R. Patton On Date: 2005-08-24 05:37:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Marilyn, This is a nice way to start my day!
I love the last line, for me it makes the whole poem.
I get the feeling of child-like bravado while declaring
your intentions but then looking to a parent while
admitting just a tiny bit of doubt.
Thanks for submitting this gem!
KenP
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-08-24 03:50:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77500
Well Poet food for thought to begin the day, lucky for me I know the answer, at least from what I have seen.
Our body is a vessel, of flesh and blood indeed, yet when the heart stops the soul who resides within leaves and begins a journey of its own, the vessel used to walk this earthly life is no longer needed.
To find yourself as I did in the arms of my Lord, to feel His breath as He kissed my cheek, to know I was being sent back for a reason not yet understood but knowing there is no fear in dying just peace , love and joy in the Light of my God.....
Not sure if we all feel the same way poet but I know I did not stretch my neck to see what I could, I do remember saying somehow outloud if this is what it is like to die, its okay.......there was no fear, no pain, He took it all away. Our souls are free to return from where we had originally come.
Nice feeling to be sure.
I have decided I shall
go undaunted and
undismayed with a
sprinkling of
outlandish grace.
At least I think I will
I am sure you will do what you state in the closing stanza poet, and I thank you for taking the time to post this one for us to read and respond to. As you can see I have rambled on.......Enjoyed the read, the structure, the word flow and the memories it brought forth. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-08-24 02:18:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91667
Marilyn--Absolutely nothing complicated here, but it no doubt will
receive mixed reviews/slants from several factions due to a myriad
of religious belief(s)/differences. However, if one believes in an
afterlife or salvation or purgatory/heaven/hades, the questions posed
in stanzas #1/#2 are bound to arise and can only be answered by The
Almighty. At this late date, I to think I'm not afraid to die, but
would like to leave this "world" as painless and gracefully as pos-
sible. However, I feel we have very little to say about how, when and
under what conditions/circumstances we make our departure. Thanks for
posting this theme as food for thought. Hopefully, the response(s)
will be as sober as the write. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-08-23 19:30:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Fascinating inquiry into the nature of existance
Where do we go when hearts stop
and souls escape from pools of
blood and flesh?
[Yes! Where indeed?]
Do we float unguided and
un-swaddled, shading our
brow from glare but
straining our necks
to see?
great imagery here! The glare of light to which these souls are at
once attracted and at the same time overwhelmed. A journey
of awe.
I have decided I shall
go undaunted and
undismayed with a
sprinkling of
outlandish grace.
I am woman! Yes!
At least I think I will
You will - I know you will!
Great determination poem, Marilyn - alive and carefully constructed
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-08-23 17:51:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80645
hi Marilyn,
Now, I know that the subject of passing on is supposed to be one of serious contemplation but I gotta tell you, this poem put a smile on my face. This is a wonderful way to look at what comes next and I also plan on
going undautnted and undismayed with a sprinkling of outlandish grace, well at least I'd like to think I will and then once on the otherside you and I can discuss the finer attributes of our crossing over. Good structure and the word flow made for an easy enjoyable read. OK, I tried for the shorter critique and for me this is probably as short as it will get unless we go to a number system, LOL. Great Job, this goes on my list.
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-08-23 15:29:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn,
Simply beautiful.......I loved the way you penned this...well chosen words, great structure and flow.....a package.
Coming to your theme, I must add that it is enveloped with mystery - I Think I Will - says a lot in itself about what is to come and how much is actually revealed to us. There is a world of doubt involving matters pertaining to the after-life. 'I Think I Will', was a well chosen title and brings out the human being within you.
Where do we go when hearts stop
and souls escape from pools of
blood and flesh?
The eternal question..eternity...re-birth...where? Not all souls and hearts escape from pools of blood and flesh but I feel that your inclusion of this line in your piece is simply to magnify the human being in light of its supernatural transition into the beyond.
Do we float unguided and
un-swaddled, shading our --- nice alliteration here, nice choice of words.
brow from glare but
straining our necks
to see? --- loved this imagery
Do we float into 'the other side' without anything or anyone to lead us...are we lost sheep? Interesting philosophical questions!
I have decided I shall
go undaunted and
undismayed with a
sprinkling of
outlandish grace.
At least I think I will
Like a polished soldier marching to recieve his/her reward for a life fruitfuly lived. Well said.
I noticed some slant rhyme. Rhyme is and always will be my favorite form and slant rhyme is WAY TO GO. Flesh/glare/necks........undismayed/grace - nice incorporation.
Gem of a poem Marilyn!!
Take care,
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2005-08-23 14:21:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Marilyn,
Love "un-swaddled" and "outlandish grace." The latter I have become immediately fond of, and will take it away with me. :)
I can eminently relate to the indecisive "I think I will." :)
Gee . . . a two smiley poem. Nice.
Mark
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