This Poem was Submitted By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2005-09-02 13:38:27 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Unscheduled return

My eyes know you, but not my tongue. My eyes are dry sponges, instantly absorbent. They are not called upon to speak. My tongue, however, licks the floor with my footsteps. And here I am. I don’t know what to say But, being here, perhaps I’ve already said it. What will you demand of me? A flower? I can already taste the dirt.

Copyright © September 2005 Mark Andrew Hislop


This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2005-10-06 19:51:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Wine, whine, wine. Rita.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2005-10-06 08:44:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Oh my, another memorable puece. You're decidedly original in metaphors, diction and theme. So here we are, confronted with a poem about a yearning would-be lover who can only admire but not connect. My eyes are dry sponges, instantly absorbent. They are not called upon to speak. My tongue, however, licks the floor with my footsteps. Tactile and, yes, desolate. He is subservient, following her, salivating hopelessly and crying for a mere taste of her essence. Through the tongue, he conveys his feelings and attempts to receive something in return. What will you demand of me? A flower? I can already taste the dirt. What a great ending!! This is an acidic, darkly humorous twist on the unrequited lover's quest for acknowledgement. Gives a whole new meaning to the concept of "talking dirty"!!! LOL!! What a treat ... Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-09-22 19:20:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mark: You vivify the inner landscape of riven relationships. If reconciliation, you show that it is not experienced without ambivalence. I'm not going to replay your words, as I so often do. Each one seems to stand for so many thoughts and feelings condensed into very small spaces. There is an aching vacuum, a trace of hope, a lingering dread. How embattled we are at times like this, and how little our spoken words can really express of what is felt. To me, this is the great gift of your poetry, as its nuance allows for deep comprehension. "So this is what it is like for him." Then reflection by each reader on what a similar or potential situation is/was like for us. Interior terrain, usually so invisible, you draw in detail as "My tongue, however, licks the floor with my footsteps" and "I can already taste the dirt." Beautifully done. Bravo! My best, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2005-09-18 23:06:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I swear the genre of love poetry is going to improve vastly, if you keep this up. I think Robert Graves would have smiled reading this poem; a slow, knowing smile. Same for Thomas Hardy. Not bad company, eh? Terry
This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2005-09-14 09:26:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Mark I like this work. I like the delivery in the first person. I imagined at first the narrator was a dog... waiting expectantly on its master. This I perceived from "my tongue licks the floor with my footsteps" and after asking if a flower is demanded... "I can already taste the dirt". is something a dog might say if he is busy biting flowers and ripping them out of a garden... But after thinking a bit more, I think you relly like this person...and for "Her" you are happy to be servile, or the faithful dog in this relationship. The matter -of-fact presentation leads me to believe there is no hostility involved, only a slavish sense of loyalty and love/attraction. Thank you for this refreshing look at a relationship. Your friend, Gerard
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-09-12 16:21:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mark, Ummmmmm, me thinks you may be longing for someone who seems unattainable or you think she is. You see her with dry sponged eyes that are asorbent (love this thought) but are not called upon to speak. So you can peruse her from afar without the fuss of speaking to her and perhaps that is enough...your just being there. And then you wonder what she will demand from you...maybe something as simple as a flower...probably not because you can already taste the dirt. I'm thinking a lady who you know through your work (even tho I don't know what kind of work you do...or your ex-wife...maybe?) What an inigma you are, my friend, do you hide so no one can get inside? I say that because I have a bad habit of doing the same thing. Oh well you can give me a zero for a score that is unless I actually hit the bulls eye! Oops did I mention I like this poem and how well written I think it is? Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-09-09 00:05:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This is a very interesting poem Mark, and the words that follow the title reveal a remarkable passion, obsession or longing for someone held dear and in high regard, even if it's just for the moment. I like the distinctions that you draw upon with the eyes and the tongue. There's something about the use of the tongue here that brings out a more sensual nature of the words, and it's appropriate because you're speaking of an attraction in an unusual way. I can already taste the dirt was a fabulous and poetic line to end this poem with. Again, you get sassy with the words, and at the same time you make a connection to with what you began this poem with . . . There's nothing like satisfying that other person, and I think this is what this poem is all about. Great job. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2005-09-08 10:26:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
MAH, Quothe the Bard: ( ) ( ) That's actually the closing couplet in a sonnet as it appears in the Quarto. Don't know why I mentioned that, other than you deserve it. A good one. Not as grand as the other. We can't always stay up in the ether, though, can we? Now I'm buggering off. No need to tell me. Although i would be interested in your thoughts on buggering. MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2005-09-03 13:21:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Mark, I'm going to guess, that this is about a bitter love affair, there is sarcasm within your lines, that tends to make me think, Unscheduled Return is NOT a welcoming event. You have some very cleverly written lines in this: I especially like, My tongue, however, licks the floor with my footsteps. I was going to offer you the use of my mop, but that's the silly side of me. So, I love the ending, sarcasm noted - but what is the dirt? The part of this relationship that you know holds nothing in it for you? I enjoyed this, if I was wrong on content, just let me know. DeniMari
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