This Poem was Submitted By: charles r pitts On Date: 2005-09-10 09:39:37 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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love At first- fits like a pair of well-worn shoes
Familiar and fitting-cares to the wind
Tentative, cautious, the mutual woos
Invisible injuries, scars on the mend
Hesitant, fearful as love’s hope renews
Dropping defenses, engaging again
Fledglings forgetting pained previous blues
Casting new lots with both players all in
Doubt and fear traded in hopes of a dream
Blinded eyes open though everything seen
Skewed not as they are but more as they seem
Not love nor mere friendship-somewhere between
Weighed against fairy-tale childlike ideal
That both truth and trust can only make real.
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Copyright © September 2005 charles r pitts
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jillian K Sorenson On Date: 2005-09-30 23:26:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.41667
I like this one a lot. (Maybe because my poem this month mentioned fairy-tales and so did yours). Perhaps because unlike your others that I've read, this one is not dark at all. It has a nice rhythm, rhyme pattern, and I especially like the alliteration. My favorite phrase is the simile in the first line. Excellent work Charles.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-09-16 22:19:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80952
Charles,
Definitely very deep and very honest. You have captured the essence of failed relationships and the awakening of potential for new relationship in this well structured well crafted offering. The graphic verbiage clearly states what you want said and leads your reader easily through this writing. Thank you for this study in human nature and love-lost and found.
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2005-09-14 08:47:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
DEear Charles;
A fine piece encapsulating the process and concerns of
falling in love...and being in a
meaningful relationship. The last three lines
grandly close and summarize this piece...
with the appropiate final maxim
"that only truth and trust can only make real".
A wothwhile lesson from this worthwhile read.
Thanks for sharing.
Your friend,
Gerard
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-09-12 19:03:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Charles:
I like it! You have such facility with rhythm and rhyme. And you capture the emotions
so readily recognizable to anyone who has lived long enough to experience the 'ins and
outs' of the 'ups and downs' of love, off and on. ;-) But it's not trite. It is fresh, which
IMO is difficult to accomplish about one of the most frequently addressed topics in poetry.
It is as if you summarize volumes in your unique style.
Here are some parts of your poem that I especially enjoyed :
“mutual woos”
“Invisible injuries”
“Fledglings forgetting” and “pained previous blues”
“both players all in” – this poker term seems so very apt! At times we have to be
willing to put in all of our chips, holding back nothing, risking everything.
“Blinded eyes open though everything seen
Skewed not as they are but more as they seem”
How susceptible we are to our wants and projections in any of the stages of
love!
“Not love nor mere friendship-somewhere between” –so difficult to define, but you’ve
caught it in this line
“Weighed against fairy-tale childlike ideal
That both truth and trust can only make real.”
I appreciate the concept that love can only be made ‘real’ as was the Skin Horse
by “truth and trust.” Those are the qualities of endurance in any relationship,
but especially on the often very rocky shoals of romantic love.
Overall I really enjoyed reading this. Very nicely done!
Best to you,
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-09-10 16:07:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Charlie,
Glad to see you writing again...you have been missed!! This poem about love written in sonnet style is just lovely. It tells us the tale of two lovers who became so complacent and almost lost their love because of it.
....hesitant, fearful as love's hope renews...dropping defenses, engaging again...fledglins forgetting pained previous blues....love can be renewed if both people want it bad enough....so many couples in our world today just give up and get a divorce because marriage is work just like life....both are a full time job and one we should never quit....not love nor mere friendship-somewhere between...to stike a happy medium in a relationship is not an easy task.....weighed against fairy-tale childlike ideal that both truth and trust can only make real....very well said. I think truth and trust are two of the most important qualities in any marriage or relationship....without that there is not much left of the glue needed to keep the fabric of two people together. Well done....much food for thought here!
Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-09-10 12:01:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
My goodness, you have the first four poems on my list. Quite the melange. You say that love
itself at first fits like well-worn shoes. For myself I disagree. Love at first, especially when
one is young (teens, etc.)is a flurry of up and down emotions coupled with testosterone and
hormonal challenges. All that changes as one gets on in life when the main thing is companionship.
So, your last lines about fairy tales is in part, true. Nice documentation here. Simple title.
I go on to the next one (if I have time today).
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