This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-09-19 15:48:13 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Time Ends My dreams
Filled with many bits
Of blue emotion mirrors
You with me in solitude till
Time ends |
|
Copyright © September 2005 marilyn terwilleger
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-10-02 10:00:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, I am very fond of that place. Some have spoken that I should give it up, bespeak something more productive, grant allowances that the presentable isn’t the graven, and they are all wrong. They do not understand!!
Time Ends – time of all consequence is the first and foremost topic on my mind. I look into time travel, time reconnaissance, time for love/loss/events, and even time from beginning to end. I understand the title “time ends”, at least for me. I know time was eternally past, and is eternally forward. The only place time is static is “now”. When time comes to a temporal end, it is within the mind who attaches the temporal properties. One must ensure that the “end” of time is for a “good and monumental” reasoning.
My dreams
Filled with many bits
Of blue emotion mirrors – I see in these lines, “dreams” first and foremost. Some we match, some remain desire, but within are the bits of who we are, the mosaic of what is’s and what might be’s. Experience and love. The traumatic and the ecstatic. Those mirrors measure the extent and quality of our character and also our remaining “dreams”. I never begrudge the coming of a reflection, I always admire the power. excellent lines, excellent.
You with me in solitude till – I just critiqued a piece about “scents” and fairytales. This line, is the many times I stop, when nobody knows what is happening inside, and I care for those memories that are precious. I visit the love, remember the child, bring a smile or weeping, occasionally laugh, but always, I, and she/they, are in solitude within my mind and soul. How beautifully you speak of such. Thank you.
Time Ends – and we are back, and the temporal will give way to the eternal, either way, as long as one prompts the other, it all endures.
Wonderful verse Marilyn, simply wonderful, form and all.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-10-01 16:14:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90323
Marilyn,
You love someone so much you become one.
And in solitude you are one.
I feel your anguish in your every word.
If only it could be relieved.
I miss my loved ones and know not what to do.
Having dreams of them bring them close momentarily
but then they go. So sorry
Well written Marilyn,
dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-09-24 12:19:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.95238
Hi Marilyn,
I can't wait for the poems to come swimming up to 4 points on my list..so I'm goign to go ahead and respond. This cinquain is full of emotion and these dreams seem to be ripe with a sense of nostalgia. Again, you have done a commendable job at fixing in a world of emotion into this limited format. 'Blue emotion mirrors' is good and a nice way to allude to the way sorrow and pensievenss relflects back...it seems so cyclic and encompassing...and rarely lets us run free.
Now, based on my understanding a cinquain is in a 2-4-6-8-2 format but this is 2-5-7-6-2. I like the way this piece begins with (title) and ends with 'time ends'.
Take care,
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-09-21 19:55:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
My dreams
Filled with many bits
Of blue emotion mirrors
You with me in solitude till
Time ends
MT,
You keep perfecting the art of this form that I can't spell. I just call it "poetry". LOL!
This line is as great! "Filled with many bits of blue emotion mirrors" It is so sad. I see
this person in shadow built out of a mosaic of mirrored glass. When she moves we see the
reflection of her emotional state rather than ourselves. The mirror working in reverse, so
to speak. The mirror showing her dreams and the solitude of her thoughts and memories.
And she's true to them until time ends. How profound.
Like the casting of clouds and waves together
perfecting the picture of a natural fulfillment
that extends beyond time
eternal
For me this is one of the best poems of yours I've read. =) Even though there is not a lot
of lines, it fills pages. I think that you've succeeded here.
Take care,
T
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-09-20 22:10:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn:
This exquisitely mournful cinquain contains great beauty. I am caught in the image of
shattered bits of mirror reflecting blue emotion. Dreams filled with fragments which
seem to endlessly replay memories. A longing for the past that cannot be fulfilled.
With the surreal sense that the dreams are all that remains is a sense of despair
as we cannot fully recall our dreams when waking but can only experience them
while sleeping. A contradiction in consciousness as dreams are so illusive. I have
the sense that the writer longs for sleep and reunion with the beloved. In the final
line "time ends" with the couple still united. I feel that this line vividly reflects
a sense of time ending when your beloved husband died. What you telegraph in your
title is that "Time Ends." I think the repetition of the title and the final line
serves to emphasize the hopeless, endless feelings of despair that are a part of
mourning. If it can only be bled out a little ... as in a poem or tears ... one
can rest more easily for a while. I wish I could offer consolation, but sometimes
the only consolation is recognition of what another is experiencing. I sense your
suffering in the moment, and wish I could relieve it in some way. At times all we
have that remains of the missing loved one are our dreams and emotions. Thank you
for sharing this evocative poem here. It is heart-rending. You are in my warmest
thoughts and prayers.
Peace,
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-09-20 19:09:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.40000
Ah gee, what can I say about this remarkable cinquain? Well, it's wonderful, and speaks to me
even if it is blue. When will time end?
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-09-19 18:12:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85294
Marilyn,
Spoken words the count it right on however, sylable break down does put off the count. I've been told that the count can very if the word needed would effect the message/intent that it is alright. I find that I also tend to write the cinquian by the way they sound rather than actual grammatical sylable breaks.....so---bravo, well done, your message is clear and well understood from this reader.
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-09-19 16:46:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90476
Marilyn--Another heartfelt cinquain. This appears to be referencing
the spouse/significant other that has "past on;" The "...dreams..."
inferenced in this piece are not just about nocturnal emissions, but
"dreams" in every sense of the word (dreams/life interrupted). A mel-
ancholic/bittersweet pledge of love and fidelity for eternity. The
imagery/emotions presented by this terse poetical statement/post is
awesome! You're fast becoming for TPL cinquains what "E" is for Japan-
ese Verses (smile). Keep writing these--Please!! TLW
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