This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2005-10-01 14:42:49 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Afterglow (an Etheree)

~ Wafts of rose scented dreams; Imaginings. Blue moonlit breezes sigh soft, subtle hints of intemperate phantasy. Apparitions of vestal nymphs  dance Terpsichore’s nocturnal ballet. Implicit repose, in passion’s embrace. ~

Copyright © October 2005 Mary J Coffman


This Poem was Critiqued By: Marsha Steed On Date: 2005-11-06 20:02:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70588
Hello Mary. What is an Etheree? I'm completely curious. You begin sweetly, succincly, but with a traditional image that still proves able to pull the thoughts inward. Who doesn't wish to imagine wonderful things? Dream of all that their heart can conjur? The continuing lines only build on that image with sweet soft words of 'sigh' and 'subtle'. "Intemperate phantasy" - moves beyond that to a new place. I actually liked the spelling of 'phantasy', others may think differently. Next you go from 'subtle' to the more fantastic images with 'apparition' and 'Terpsichore's nocturnal ballet'. Since I have medals in the Terpsichore Ballroom Dance society, that image definately hit home with this reader. "Implicit repose" However, was, I think, my best duet. Sweet reflection on a universal experience. M


This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2005-10-28 08:11:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mary, This is a delicious Etheree! Thank you for introducing me to this form. I've never seen an Etheree before and upon seeing yours , I fell in love with the form and especially with "Afterglow", first because of the "wafting" flow of it. Next because of the beautiful images and scent of it. Your use of language is spectacular. I especially love "blue moonlit breezes" and the alliteration of "S" in sigh/soft/subtle. The assonance of "terpsichore's/nocturnal" and others is breathtaking. And I absolutely adore all the "P" sounds! After a little research I find this offering has exactly 55 syllables and is completely true to the form. I really couldn't possibly make any suggestions for revisions, as it is perfect to me. BRAVA for a really spectacular offering!!! Blessings, Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-10-20 14:43:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mary, First I must confess that I don't know what 'Etheree' is and hope you will forgive me for that! However, your word choices here are just supberb and I can't let this piece slip by without telling you that. They are soft, sensual, and lovely, and get better each time I read them. I like to pick out some of my favorite lines so I can tell the poet which ones I like the best and why...but for the life of me I can't do that in this case. You captured my attention with...'wafts of rose scented dreams' and didn't let me go until the last word...'embrace.' This piece is amazing in every way and even though it is terse it is very compelling. Will be on my list this month...bravo! Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-10-09 16:40:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Sensual, delicate love. It's all very mystical wrapped in a shroud...the smells are pungent and' reach my senses. So says this piece to me. Ah the muse of dancing. Dance on lithe one.
This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2005-10-08 05:56:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
i dont know exactly what it means, but the words you string here are poetry in themselves. though the images this piece aroused were impossible to identify, they were beautiful and subtle nonetheless. more like pleasant feelings you could almost see. i like.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jillian K Sorenson On Date: 2005-10-07 00:18:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Eek, I have no idea what an etheree is and here you've written two of them! Well, I've been avoiding critiquing them but they are the last two left on my small list this month so far. I like the alliteration here and I also like the rose and blue colors. Any particular reason for the phonetic spelling of "phantasy"? Technically, it should be fantasy. The meaning of this poem is clear from the title to the substance. Nice work.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2005-10-06 21:20:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
That Terpischore. I've told her a thousand times... No plucking those strings after dark. And you - dressed like that! Apparite
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-10-04 05:18:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Mary--This one's imagery plus: something for every sense. Thanks for introducing TPLers to another poetical fixed form: the Etheree. A modern form named for its inventor/ poet Etheree Taylor Armstrong. Your offering follows the format and its requirements perfectly: ten lines of free verse, the first line ha one syllable, with each following line increasing by one syllable. It has always been my con- tention that the more avenues of expressions used can only help improve one's communication skills. Well done. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-10-03 23:17:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Mary, Well you have me stumped, I know nothing about what an Etheree is. I searched and searched, perhaps not in the right places..... Never the less, I thouroughly enjoyed your poem, good structure, colorful verbiage and a nice flow. It took me to soft dreamy places where things are as one fantasizes.....yummy. Thank you for a delightful and peaceful read. I look forward to seeing more from you pen. As Always, Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-10-02 15:02:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Mary, the experience in what you describe, channels the moment. There can be little doubt of the surrealism of such. The “Afterglow” may not contain the intensity of the experience, but in many factors contains a power that is greater in intent. Wafts of rose scented dreams; - roses in modern times have a universal symbolism of love. That does not carry from earlier times, but “scented dreams” no matter the flower, resounds in the aspects of love. Your use of “Wafts” contains the implication of “non-tactual” awareness. It goes much farther than just scents, to unspoken communication. Imaginings. Blue moonlit breezes sigh soft, subtle hints of intemperate phantasy – I assume you purposefully chose the alternate spelling for “fantasy”, and I like the image in brings, that of Phantasm/fantasy, for it takes sensual experience into the “moonlit breezes” and subtle hints, into the metaphysical/dreamlike experience that grants “afterglow” its energy. You also chose the contradiction of intemperate/subtle, and this mix brings a greater feel of sensation. Apparitions of vestal nymphs – The image of “vestal” consecrated nymphs, who by quality have always been considered capricious and “unholy” brings that edge to the moment. There is a quality within the nice/wicked instep which attracts both men and women. This is not exactly that play, but it does play out similar. dance Terpsichore’s nocturnal ballet. – The muse of the sirens and nymphs, of stringed instruments and sensuality, a good choice for “afterglow”. Sings of the sensuality of love, dance and music. Implicit repose, in passion’s embrace. – One can only “repose” there and redeem that moment. To do anything else, too quickly is to lose half the experience of intimacy. Mary, an excellent verse. It was worth the wait.
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