This Poem was Submitted By: Karen Cribs On Date: 2005-10-03 13:10:36 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Trust

Trust that there is a tiger, muscular sabre-toothed, and sly, which has never been seen and never will be seen by any human eye. Trust that thirty-thousand sword- fish will never near a ship, that far from cameras or cars elephant herds live long elephant lives. Believe that bees  by the billions find unidentified flowers on unmapped marshes and mountains. Safe in caves of contentment, bears sleep. Through vast canyons, horses run while slowly snakes stretch beyond their skins in the sun. I must trust all this to be true, though the few birds at my feeder watch the window with small flutters of fear, so like my own.

Copyright © October 2005 Karen Cribs


This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-11-06 14:52:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Hello Karen! Lovely in language and profound in its message this is a poem that I will not soon forget. I am the most pedantic person here, yet there are few suggestions that I can make for this arvelous piece. Trust that there is a tiger, muscular sabre-toothed, and sly, which has never/ been [line break for better enjambment} seen and never will be seen by any human eye. Trust that thirty-thousand sword- fish will never near a ship, that far from cameras or cars elephant herds live long elephant lives. Believe that bees by the billions find unidentified flowers [lovely!] on unmapped marshes and mountains. Safe in caves of contentment,[great use of language bears sleep. [Through vast canyons, horses run Why the reversal here - perhaps simply Horses run through vast canyons - which will lead more naturally to the incredible next line: while slowly snakes stretch beyond their skins in the sun. [wow!] I must trust all this to be true, though the few birds at my feeder watch the window with small flutters of fear, so like my own. wonderful rich conclusion and good slant rhyme of though/own This is what poetry can be Rachel


This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-11-06 14:51:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Hello Karen! Lovely in language and profound in its message this is a poem that I will not soon forget. I am the most pedantic person here, yet there are few suggestions that I can make for this arvelous piece. Trust that there is a tiger, muscular sabre-toothed, and sly, which has never/ been [line break for better enjambment} seen and never will be seen by any human eye. Trust that thirty-thousand sword- fish will never near a ship, that far from cameras or cars elephant herds live long elephant lives. Believe that bees by the billions find unidentified flowers [lovely!] on unmapped marshes and mountains. Safe in caves of contentment,[great use of language bears sleep. [Through vast canyons, horses run Why the reversal here - perhaps simply Horses run through vast canyons - which will lead more naturally to the incredible next line: while slowly snakes stretch beyond their skins in the sun. [wow!] I must trust all this to be true, though the few birds at my feeder watch the window with small flutters of fear, so like my own. wonderful rich conclusion and good slant rhyme of though/own This is what poetry can be Rachel
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-10-29 12:13:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90909
Karen, a poem about Trust immediately gets my attention. In the age of the internet, modern jurisprudence, and the deterioration of integral face to face familiarization, much of trust is Pollyannaish. Yet, the concept remains vital. Trust that there is a tiger, muscular sabre-toothed, and sly, which has never been seen and never will be seen by any human eye. – You establish a theorem right out of the box. The theorem is that, since we believe a historical precedent of some kind, we invest some “trust” into the value of that evidence. That you chose a saber-toothed tiger and described it as “sly” establishes a certain “beware” within unsubstantiated trust. Trust that thirty-thousand sword- fish will never near a that far from cameras or cars elephant herds live long elephant lives. Believe that bees by the billions find unidentified flowers on unmapped marshes and mountains. Safe in caves of contentment, bears sleep. Through vast canyons, horses run while slowly snakes stretch beyond their skins in the sun. – Here you set us up for your second theorem, that there are occurrences whether or not we can see and understand them. There are things we trust (a number of swordfish unseen, elephants live away from prying eyes, flowers unseen or bees and bears going about their business), even when we do not think about them. I must trust all this to be true, though the few birds at my feeder watch the window with small flutters of fear, so like my own. – In these three lines you personalize the struggle, the belief, of fears keeping trust at bay. Whereas birds may fear and not trust, even though you feed them, we also keep trust/interaction at bay even when the possibility of beauty may be seen. To coin a phrase we view that interaction as “sly” and the tiger has deep incisors. A very good piece, a thinking piece. Thanks for sharing!!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-10-15 21:30:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Karen: First, welcome. I have not seen your name here before. And I am assured by your first submission that we are in for a treat! OK, so I am known for positive critiques -- c'est la vie! I plead guilty: I enjoyed this poem immensely!! I mean, thinking of the enormity of thirty-thousand swordfish does something to my imagination. If they did near a ship, what might happen? Could they somehow leap onto the deck? If so, what else might happen. Your are some of the imaginative delights I wondered about while perusing your poem. I love the "bee" part, because I am a particular fan of bees. They have a system of communication that rivals our government's best efforts. I loved the sounds of "unmapped marshes and mountains." In particular I enjoyed the feminine 'em' or 'm' sounds. Delightful! The idea of horses who "run while slowly snakes stretch their skin" is delectable and worthy of a place on the winner's list, IMO. That the bears sleep in "caves of contentment" reminds me of the film, "Grizzly Man" about Timothy Treadwell, who was eaten by the bears he had sworn to protect. Are we afraid of bears, really, or of our imaginations of what they might do to us if they obtained us as food? I love the sounds of "safe in caves" for its assonance. And your use of fricative f's in "few/feeder/flutter/fear" for example. A signal to me of excellent poem crafting. I hope we will see more of you creative endeavors. This is simply delicious! Very much enjoyed this! My best to you, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-10-08 15:12:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Karen, Trust is an intriguing title. Your context is good and verbiage clean and descriptive. Easy flow from thought to thought. May a make a suggestion as to presentation/form; try splitting it up into groupings of thought. I know you have used free form here which is fine but IHMO sometimes by breaking it up a bit visually adds to the emphasis. The following is just a suggestion of how you might do this…….it is great just as it is. Trust that there is a tiger muscular sabre-toothed and sly {saber} which has never been seen and never will be seen by any human eye Trust that thirty-thousand swordfish will never near a ship that far from cameras or cars elephant herds live long elephant lives Believe that bees by the billions find unidentified flowers on unmapped marshes and mountains. Safe in caves of contentment, bears sleep. Through vast canyons horses run while slowly, snakes stretch beyond their skins in the sun. I must trust all this to be true, though the few birds at my feeder watch the window with small flutters of fear, so like my own. Yes, we must all trust and believe and hopefully we can protect those things of nature that we have been left to be care takers of. We have fallen short in the ecology department, if only we would stop and just listen—our mother cries out to us for help and still we fall short. Will our prodigy be left to only believe and trust that all they are told came before them. This is offering gives all of us a chance, a choice to make a difference if we will only do so. Thanks for the reminder and great read. Warmest wishes, Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2005-10-06 20:31:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hard to read about the death toll of species after species due to man's rapacious appetite. You, and your birds, have a right to be worried. tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-10-04 04:42:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Karen--Great word title with repetition through out this near tongue twisting (alliterated) naturesque poem. IMO, this write has a subtle gloom and doom theme: an undertone directed toward the loss/preservation of the natural and valued sea/wild life. The "Trust" issues raised herein is almost a sardonic address of man's abuse of the earth and it's inhabitants (including each other).Thanks for reminding us through vivid imagery of things we take for granted and the potential for their decline/demise. Keep writing. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-10-03 14:34:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Karen, Bravo....someone speaks for the beast. The poor birds are getting poisened by insecticides and pollution. Our wild horses into horse meat, our bears as trophies, our dear elephants for ivory and foot tables, our alligators, our poor annihilated salmon. We should stop eating fish so they'd ease up on the killing. And the plants barren without honey bees. Our forest ate up... It not only makes me afraid but sick at heart. Our world is suffering because of all societies mistakes. God didn't give us earth to rule and conquer but to live in with all living things. We will cause generations to come such sorrow. our trust is being squashed. I love this poem please do more. It is so very important. Great job Dellena
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