This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-10-08 14:58:44 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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We walk hand in hand and look familiarly alike. Our style and hair is according to this season's trend.  We eat and drink alike, brand named and grocery chained. We speak and read, the realms tongue, conforming  to social imperatives.  We shop the stores, buying lots  of the same. We travel similar highways, with matched views.  Duplicated music to dance, we groove to the latest rage. We all appear as carbon copies glued fast upon the page. Our homes, yards, cars, pets, and Vets, schools and teachers have codes, oaths, rules, signals, reports to teach the same, inane. To live similar lives as replicated peas in a pod….according to God?

Copyright © October 2005 Dellena Rovito

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-11-05 11:42:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71875
Yay right on! According to whom, and by whose interpretation? I think you should have titled this "Clones on the highway of life". I liked the line "brand named and grocery chained". Very apro -pos.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-11-01 21:57:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Dellena, WOW! "grocery chained" ------------> that's great. Love the message of this poem. Very true, hence, powerful. What will we do when we are all the same? Cloned. Hey, how do you like this one-------------> "name branded" Like animals. Sheep for example. Kind of ties into the "God" thing, in a perverse sort of way. I like how you finish this off, leaving the reader to answer that question. Tonight, I must be brief. Just wanted to drop by and continue to support your writing. Now I'm "grocery chained" and "name branded." That will be bouncing around in my head tomorrow. Tomorrow, I will wear orange, T
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-10-29 12:46:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90909
Dellena, the reading of this for the first time was like reading a novella; and not knowing where the story would take us. Indeed, once we reach the epoch ending of this poem, if a person is not stunned, they missed the twist. Replica – I am speaking to the title after the reading, for my thought formation on the title has changed; I like it. One can already see, in hind sight, the cynical and deferential qualities. Unprepared it was “interesting”; as a post script it is “stunning”. Till the ending, I am only going to speak of the relative considerations of each line; the work of the verse is obvious, but the tension of the “quality” attributable to each line alters. We walk hand in hand and look familiarly alike. – (Hand in Hand is symbolic of relationship- I don’t think this comes in again until it reinforces your last line). Our style and hair is according to this season's trend. – “Style” and “seasons” both feed the same issuance, that for everything there is a “season” (shaded biblical analogy built into your piece) and in that passing, we each adapt as we see fit “style”. We eat and drink alike, brand named and grocery chained. – One would like to package this line into “biologically” in tune, yet the “brand” is dualistic, which is to recognize a similar “owner” – once again you redeem your last line; but also that we have recognizable habits beyond the physical- that are sociological. We speak and read, the realms tongue, conforming to social imperatives. We shop the stores, buying lots of the same. We travel similar highways, with matched views. – I like the way you transmit our lives into “segments” almost as if each segment is its own “highway”, but undoubtedly is its own “matched view”. Your “social imperatives” shows full the indication that although we “travel” like “views” we see each step of the way from independent analysis; or do we? Duplicated music to dance, we groove to the latest rage. – Here is your first cynic/pragmatist realization; for the music is “duplicated” we cannot think on our own, but it is “music” so created; and “rage” is the “going thing”, but also a lifelong property of establishing an identity against the backdrop of “sameness”. Rage, and the passions it contains is; even a sameness- after the fact. We all appear as carbon copies glued fast upon the page. Our homes, yards, cars, pets, and Vets, schools and teachers have codes, oaths, rules, signals, reports to teach the same, inane. – You take it all, and grant us a synopsis of the portrait; and out of the path we see the mold that has imaged us all; or do we? To live similar lives as replicated peas in a pod….according to God? – Now, although I find the tongue in cheek characterization refreshing, I think I find the “peas in a pod” a little too much of a generalization; knowing you, and knowing me, peas in a pod is a “stretched” personification. I like the way you place the reader “there” and some may think you believe “God” has designed, but others will see the dubious manner in which it spoken. Dellena, what I most like about this piece, cynicism/realism aside is that you don’t denigrate those who may or may not see it the way you do; rather you place your theorem before us all, and your light “coloring” and say, I don’t really know the answer, but I think I’m not the only one. Excellent piece.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-10-15 14:10:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello my friend, so much truth to this one, we are all created equal in the eyes of God though we are all separate and apart from each other. We come together through training I guess, schooling plays an important part of whom we are and religion is the toping on the cake. It is funny though how things do change over the years, what was as a little girl no longer is the same now that I am old and gray.....hehehe.......the roads travelled were mine to pick as God gave me that 'free' will to do with as I pleased and most often I did it wrong.....lessons learnt. Now its great to sit back and watch another generation come into play and see how they do it all. Visuals are superb as one reads on and emotions play an important part as well. Thanks for posting and sharing, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-10-13 11:17:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena--Yes, more or less: because we were "created in His image." Thanks for reminding us of this 'idealistic' imagery you've painted. Personally, I think it would be quite boring if we are too like this portrayal: the saying, "spice is the variety of life," comes readily to mind-smile. IMO, your "list poem" left out the most important God given human characteristic: free will. That's the "X" factor! Thanks for sharing. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jillian K Sorenson On Date: 2005-10-08 21:06:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.50000
The interior rhyme and occasional lined rhyme here are good, and the theme is interesting. There are a few minor not quite grammatical errors but not quite perfect English either things I would change. I would hyphen "brand-named" and "grocery-chained" so that those words more obviously go together. Also, I believe "realms tongue" should be "realm's tongue." I might eliminate the comma between pets and Vets so that those appear to go together as you did with schools and teachers. The question ending gives the reader something to think about as well as reflect on how this mirrors their own life. Nice work.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-10-08 15:19:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena, Just saw this one and what a read. How well put. Nice structure and the word flow is great leading the reader from one thought to the next in perfect timing. You have said a mouth full here and as far as I'm concerned your right on target. Why do people always feel they have to fit into a mold. A code of ethics is great as long as one adheres to what one personally believes, not that which has been drummed into their head. Your closing, "accordin to God?", well I found from my studies that Great Spirit loves the differences in each of us.......and how true for he didn't make duplicates, no two flowers alike why does man insist on miscontruing the obivious.......possibly because he is man and arrogant. Great material to ponder, thanks for the encouragin read. If one can see this perhaps there is hope that more will. As Always, Lora
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