This Poem was Submitted By: stephen g skipper On Date: 2005-10-28 10:53:44 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Crossroads
What colours shall be cast across twilight
as my Awen is set free.
Last breath sharp yet shallow,
carrying with it all that was me.
A vestige seeking shelter,
spiritual repository
Laying dormant,
'till my mothers need re-awakens me.
I’m sworn to a covenant of protection
bound to “The Proud Land”.
Cursed with the gift of remembrance,
pasts all to clearly seen.
Sanctuary now found,
cairn nestled within natures folds.
High above a tarn, which briefly,
mirrors my celestial rise and fall.
I’ll quietly wait for her call.
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Copyright © October 2005 stephen g skipper
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-11-06 00:34:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96875
stephen–Through title and 1st strophe verbiage scribe/protagonist infer contemplating life altering decisions after passing of matri-
arch;
“What colours shall be cast across twilight
as my Awen is set free.”
Of death bed watch, scribe depicts how much matriarch/parental loss
affected him;
“Last breath sharp yet shallow,
carrying with it all that was me.”
At the end of a respective mourning period with apt veneration given,
protagonist recalls earlier teachings/lessons which allowed an emergence
from doldrums and gained redemption/solace as shown through remaining/ ending couplets/lines;
“Cursed with the gift of remembrance,
pasts all to clearly seen.
Sanctuary now found,
cairn nestled within natures folds.
High above a tarn, which briefly,
mirrors my celestial rise and fall.
I’ll quietly wait for her call.”
IMO, this poignant quasi-elegy is a cathartic write for a devoted and loving son. Thanks
for sharing this well limned private/personal poem with fellow TPLers. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-11-02 16:19:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.73913
Oh my..i will not go quietly into the night...i shall put up one hell of a fight. at my stage of life (70 years)...I have done a lot but will not, will not set up my cairn. Oh bury me not on the lone prairie the cowboy wailed...are you really at crossroads? You're not that old for gosh sakes!Any way Stephen, you made your point...now get on with living.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-11-01 14:12:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.97619
Steven,
This is such a perfect piece, excellently structured with a well flow to enable and take your reader on this journey. The verbiage is fresh and colorful, a hint of the highlands if I’m not mistaken. Yes, I believe we transcend and also have often had to await for a return call—-- not forgetting what we saw that went on previously. Perfect place for a memorial, high above a tarn, and what better mirror is there than a high mountain lake to reflect our celestial travels. This simply awesome, a clear winner. Kudos my friend.
As always,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-10-29 14:19:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88462
Hi Steve,
Your writing is progressing so fast I can hardly keep up! This poem is so lovely it almost brings a tear to my eye. Reading between the lines I think it is about your mother who has passed away...I could be all wrong but it strikes me that way. If so I am sorry. Your word choices are delicious with some having an
old world connotation that makes this piece stand out as one of your finest.
Last breath sharp yet shallow,............these two lines affect me the most...reminds me of my own mothers
carrying with it all that was me..........passing. So few words yet they are powerful and reflect the sorrow
of loss.
Cursed with the gift of remembrance,.......how many times this same curse has haunted me...not only my mother
pasts all to clearly seen..................but my father and my husband...I can all too clearly remember.
Your ending is truely remarkable...you will softly and quietly wait for her call....wonderful!
Beautiful poem in every way and I am sorry if I have completely missed your intent. On my list for sure!
Peace....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Marsha Steed On Date: 2005-10-28 14:01:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
Rich and succulant is this piece with a decidely European flair. Your word choices are copisetic and complimentary to the feel of mysticism begun with the Awen transluscence. The only word that I might suggest doesn't quite measure up to the rest of your delicious offerings is the very last, 'quietly'. Somehow it seems just too ordinary and is almost like letting the air out of a balloon. Others may think differently, but that is the richness of many critiques, getting the feel and imput of differing experiences.
I do believe my favourite lines are your second: "Last breath sharp yet shallow,
carrying with it all that was me" - The paradox was moving, and the emotion suggested was allowed to be, rather than extracted. Lovely that.
M
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