This Poem was Submitted By: Marsha Steed On Date: 2005-11-02 20:56:35 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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An Old Leather Chair

Tenderly in a mother's arms A child suckles without alarm The cradle of that child fair, Maternal breast and an old brown chair. A lullaby is faintly sung With echoes from a familiar tongue. We glance away and witness too clear The danger lurking terribly near. A silent eye peers beyond The window glass, a shattered bond. Fury feeds where once was joy Rage mercilessly rips away the boy. The perfect scene, diminished to naught Kaleidoscope tears in memory sought. A single slash the leather bare, A stain of red, the past is here. A childhood lost in solitary act. A future crumpled by forgotten pact. The chair remains, melody gone A grown-up hums the mother's song. Locked behind bars of steel Three lives condemned, two left to feel.
Copyright © November 2005 Marsha Steed

Additional Notes:
I submitted this very late last month and only received two critiques. Resubmitting for hopefully a little more exposure and imput.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2005-12-01 14:00:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.20000
Marsha, I got the sense of the old brown chair turning into an electric chair. Not sure if you meant that. I came to this poem thinking about sitting back with a beer. And came away with my heart stroked. Good job. Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-11-26 15:06:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80769
Dear Marsha, I didn't see this poem the first time you posted it but I am glsd I found it today. I find it to be a gut wrenching piece written with profound emotion. I can't imagine the loss of a child but to have one ripped from it's mother's arms is unimaginable. I hope this is not written from your own experience...but who it is makes no matter...it is a horric crime. You have written this using a wonderful rhyme which is not easy to do when telling a true story. I wish I could tell how you could improve this poem but to me it would be a sin to change any of the lines. The only thing I would do is in the comments tell us who this story is about. My best to you...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-11-22 22:32:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.64286
Hi Marsha, The tragedy in this is all too clear and touches the reader. Life springs like a monster on the unsuspecting, ripping away his/her happiness, leaving a void. Your poem highlights this aspect through the focal image of an old leather chair that symbolises the various transitions of life. This has a thumping beat to it....thanks to the rhyme. What I woulod suggest here is adopting slant rhyme so that the rhyme does not come across as forced. I'm not saying all of it does...but with a poem as long as this, some slant rhyme will help to make the rhyme a lot less cumbersome. Take care, Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2005-11-10 08:34:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
Marsha, I suggest you place four to five lines per verse since couplet and inversion have a strange characteristic when you don't, and you use less. The iamb or foot count will take on a sing-song effect and detract from the other elements of the poem. Another thing that I think might improve the poem is allowing your reader a little more insight into just what atrocity is being committed here. Either that, or to do more in universalizing the sinister nature of something as insidious as domestic violence...if it is, or a home break-in, if that's the story. See?, we don't know. There is a point in leaving such detail out of a poem, but that is mechanically to emphasize some other meaning a particular work might have. I don't see one here. Again, you turn lines well and have a talent for rhyme. Along with good instincts, you have the equipment to be a poet. Focus more on poetry as a craft (I'm one to talk) and perhaps you can inspire me to do the same. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2005-11-06 17:43:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Tenderly in [HIS] mother's arms A {BOY?} suckles without alarm The cradle of that child fair, Maternal breast [,] an old brown chair. A lullaby['s] faintly sung [E]choes of familiar tongue. We glance away and witness [] clear The danger lurking [much too] near. A silent eye peers beyond The window's [pane], [our] shattered bond. Fury feeds where once was joy Rage mercilessly rips away the boy. The perfect scene, [shrunk?] to naught Kaleidoscope [?] tears in memory sought. A single slash, the leather bare, A stain of red, the past is here. A childhood lost in [one sad] act. A future cr[ushed] by a selfish []act. The chair remains[;] but melody['s] gone A grown-up hums the mother's song. Locked behind bars of steel Three lives condemned; two now [hea]l.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-11-04 12:56:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Marsha–IMO,the rhyming couplets inferences a wanton criminal act by the child everyone was doting on; “A silent eye peers beyond The window glass, a shattered bond. Fury feeds where once was joy Rage mercilessly rips away the boy. The perfect scene, diminished to naught Kaleidoscope tears in memory sought.” This verbiage (metaphorically) speaks of cutting short the life of a nurtured child through no fault of theirs, he was taken from the straight/narrow path; “A single slash the leather bare, A stain of red, the past is here. A childhood lost in solitary act. A future crumpled by forgotten pact.” Moreover, this gruesome act brought grief to those left behind; “The chair remains, melody gone A grown-up hums the mother's song. Locked behind bars of steel Three lives condemned, two left to feel.” Your title makes for a great nursing station, and an even better sanctuary, i.e., when she wasn’t using the chair for these duties, matriarch/parental was dispensing sage advice which according to this post was not adhered to by off-spring. Excellent non-metered narrative lamenting of too oft realistic child rearing. Sorry if I missed your intended purpose. TLW
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