Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-11-12 16:35:34 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

As I Grow Old

Where is it written that just because we age we are bound to have baggy knees and creaking hips? What wise man decided we can't dance or even whistle through our teeth without losing them? Can we not still feel desirable if we have some extra cushions here and there? They serve to make us fluffy and should be a revered attribute. When I get old I shall have a twinkle in my eye so no one will know what I am pondering or plotting. I think I will learn how to hula-hoop and skate board even though it may draw some skepticism or at the very least a conception of my impropriety. If I can't hear too well or don't understand the jargon of today I'll just smile and nod my head, no one ever knows what that means. Even if a walker becomes my tool of conveyance I shall always dance. I will just do it with extra legs. One thing I know for certain I won't give in until HE tells me it's time to hang up my dancing slippers, turn out the lights, and come home.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-11-27 10:37:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96552
Marilyn, I am not sure who decided any of this, it is a matter of conjecture, even in the halls of “pseudo-government”, but I understand the consternation. You place it well, the creaks and groans, yet the life in the mind, the power remaining. You then speak of when you get old, (assuming you have not reached that point by some measure), and then you define what getting old is, and do a fine job- yet in the next stanza, you make void your definition by- Characterizing age as an internal quality, that can be overcome by the “twinkle” in the eye, and learning to be childish all over again- kind of funny, you need diapers again, dribble again, can hardly walk again, and now you are learning hula hoops... just an amusing anecdote, but your point is well taken. You continue on saying that even if you don’t understand all around you, or you can’t walk you shall be happy being oblivious (this is not an inspiration to me, it is a fear), and still dance (this is my attitude towards life), and because you do vital things, you will still be vital. You leave us with your “attitude” which you are always parlaying to us... don’t’ give up, don’t ever give up, you and Jim Valvano, and nevertheless, it is the most endearing part of this piece. I believe in it, if I did not, what’s the use? If I were you, I’d add one more stanza, of the purpose within striving- to those around, who depend on your inspiration for their personal value system. You abound in this. A very nice look... by the way, it is difficult to slow dance in a wheel chair, and you didn’t say a word about sensuality, sex, and femininity- now there are qualities that would absolutely endear life to me.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-11-26 07:08:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi Marilyn, This is one of the best pieces you have written...if not the best. I don't know where to begin in offering a critique that justifies the profound impact of the poem so I guess I'll start at the very top - your title. Poetry is often at its best when it reflects life or the process of living and your title 'as I grow old' gives the reader a hint of what is to come - the musings of a lady who is reflective of the aging process (aren't we all). Through the process of writing this you ensure that there are whiffs of encouragement that float past your reader when he/she takes it all in. Of course, we are all petrified of even a strand of grey hair, let alone a whole head of it, but there is always a spirit that transcends 'physical' growth. This spirit is immortal in its endeavour to remain forever young until HE decides that it is time for a curtain call. You also reveal a desire to live life to the fullest while paying no attention to anyone who is of the narrow minded impression that anyone with grey hair or tons of years behind them ought to sit in a rocking chair. I've often thought of my future as well, Marilyn. The thought of growing old terrifies me. I have a grand-aunt living with us who I have seen grow bent by the day and have also noticed how she is able to less and less each day. Maybe, this would instill a punching spirit in her if she were to read it. Now coming to the technical aspects of the poem and its artistry. It's always a greater challenge to enhance flow in a free verse narrative than it is in rhyme. And this piece flowed really well..smooth as skaters on ice. However, what is outstanding are the lines...simple english but so well laid out...and some of them reeking humor. You definitely bring out this offering in high spirits...even in old age. 'baggy knees and creaking hips' - excellent! 'whistle through our teeth without losing them' 'I think I will learn how to hula-hoop and skate board' 'If I can't hear too well or don't understand the jargon of today I'll just smile and nod my head, no one ever knows what that means.'---- stuff like yo man! chill out! ....love the humor 'Even if a walker becomes my tool of conveyance I shall always dance. I will just do it with extra legs.' ---- brilliant!! 'I won't give in until HE tells me it's time to hang up my dancing slippers, turn out the lights, and come home.' - grand!! This ought to make waves on the standings. An excellent venture that glues the reader till the very end. Hope all is well with you. Take care, Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-11-21 23:52:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57143
Way to go Poet and with a Spirit as lively as yours seems to be you won't be heading home for some time to come. Mama had that twinkle in her blue eyes, you never knew what she was thinking.........she did not always use her walker and she too danced at her granddaughter's wedding, with her son, but she sat in a wheelchair, the pictures said it all and she laughed and had a grand time..........good structure, word flow and images you created are superb. Growing old is not a state of life it is a state of mind........oh, sure we turn a year older at each birthday passing but if you feel sixteen then go for it. Thanks for posting, for sharing these thoughts with us. God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-11-15 23:26:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
As I Grow Old Where is it written that just because we age we are bound to have baggy knees and creaking hips? What wise man decided we can't dance or even whistle through our teeth without losing them? Can we not still feel desirable if we have some extra cushions here and there? They serve to make us fluffy and should be a revered attribute. [here, here, you go girl] When I get old I shall have a twinkle in my eye so no one will know what I am pondering or plotting. I think I will learn how to hula-hoop and skate board even though it may draw some skepticism or at the very least a conception of my impropriety. [now who declared in an impropriety] If I can't hear too well or don't understand the jargon of today I'll just smile and nod my head, no one ever knows what that means. [that might be risky] Even if a walker becomes my tool of conveyance I shall always dance. I will just do it with extra legs. [I’ll applaud you and join in] One thing I know for certain I won't give in until HE tells me it's time to hang up my dancing slippers, turn out the lights, and come home. [Just as it should be, brava!] Marilyn, This is a pure delight. I agree, where is it written that when you grow older you have to hang up life as you know it? Who made the rule that after you reach the mid century mark you have to slow down and act with a certain decorum? Even when it’s at the 60—there is no one to tell you yes or no you can do it, however sometimes they do look at you a bit funny. I’m not going to where Mu-mus, no not mean, and I refuse to give up my jeans. I’m told that older people are suppose to wear proper shoes and no bare feet, now that is just ridiculous, I won’t give up my moccasins nor will I put on a pair of shoes if I don’t have to. I still sit cross legged on a chair, still like open vehicles so I can feel the wind on my face. I can’t ride a skate board for beans but can roller blade and ice skate and your right, the kids have a fit for fear I’ll fall or get hurt. I love your attitude, when we quit living then we have thrown in the towel. The only thing that slows me down is this darn body that doesn’t want to always co-operate…LOL. You have put a smile on my face and sun back into my heart. I thank you for this delicious romp through age redefined and now when I read Maxine I’ll have a smile on my face and be thinking of you, hope you don’t mind. Best always, Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-11-13 18:57:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Marilyn, There is NEVER a time to give in to age. You just adjust..as you've alwaays adjusted to somethingg different. Never do you lose yourself,nor play games with the enemy. And even at death, you sashay your beautiful, confident self through the pearly gates, proudly I say....So very proud and appreciative of the gifts God gave you. And never give in to the darkness...... Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2005-11-13 11:39:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Mazza If you're not going to grow old your own way, i.e. in style, then why bother? May as well cash in your chips now. My wife is 10 years older than me. Two children in her late 30s were, shall we say, not without effect upon her physique... ...it added more for me to love. I'm like you, I want to be dancing around the room on my walker when I'm 80... ...and the children are, hopefully, old enough no longer to be embarrassed but encouraged. Thank you for reminding me of the goal. Mark.

Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!