This Poem was Submitted By: Sean Donaghy On Date: 2005-11-16 11:41:19 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!


The Vision Vanessa

May God bless you, Vanessa, and all your caustic prose. Bless your feathered boa, bless your fish-net hose. We haven't seen a painted face since the last ill-wind blew in. You're a fresh new voice in this staid place with your strange concept of sin. Vanessa, all the days before you showed up on the scene were blandly repetitious. gruel gray, low and lean. You've brought some color to this town, no easy task, 'tis true. You've shown the mirror to the clown though he thinks he looks at you. Vanessa, you're a puzzling lass with all your twists and turns. Sometimes you offer soothing balm, sometimes your touch just burns. Through all the poses that you've worn, in the visions that you've chose, most saw you as a painful thorn but you truly were a rose.

Copyright © November 2005 Sean Donaghy


This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2005-11-26 12:25:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.82353
Sean- A load of irony ore we could use more of around hear. tom


This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-11-24 07:12:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi Sean, Simply brilliant and one of the best pieces I have read here. Your light on this lady is enigmatic, captivating, innovative and beautiful. The poem is a perfect example of surface simplicity with underlying oceans of depth. I can't pick a single favorite line or word as this is a package of craftsmanship that must be seen as a whole. You've used rhyme (which is my favorite form of verse) and given this a soothing cadence, gradually unravelling the mysteries of this women. Excellent, Excellent!! Take care, Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2005-11-17 03:17:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Well well, Mr Donaghy, (May I call you Mr Donaghy, since we've not been introduced?) You simply turn up here unannounced and wave Vanessa in my face as if she might mean something to me personally... don't laugh, I used to be exactly that vain. But I guess that's how one achieves universality. I'll consider Vanessa to be conducting a tidy tutorial. Now Vanessa walks in as only those with loudly painted faces in a nunnery can: extracting everyone's attention almost against their will. And all those pious souls flip to their nearest-fitting bibilical representation and assume she's up to no good. I almost want to rescue her, but she'd probably end up having to rescue me. Mr Donaghy, you know all too well what you've written here and I'll neither demean Vanessa nor risk further revealing my ignorance by saying anything more about it. But this Vanessa ... man. What a woman. I'd like to see more of her. And I'd like to see more of her. MAH.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-11-16 19:55:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Sean: Great to see another of your poems! As before, this one makes music. I hear it as sung, can't seem to avoid that, though I tried. I got a picture of Vanessa as one who has "shown the mirror to the clown" as I think we do for one another in all relationships. There is a depth to this piece that is belied by its rather casual style and musical charm. Your rhythm and rhyming are superb, but the quality of the piece that is most striking, at least to me, is the portrayal of one who is so easily judged and dismissed by society. And yet she is universally each one of us as well, if not openly in our nature, Vanessa lives in the realm of our unconscious motivations. She is part projection, part unowned self, part unfulfilled need. Someone may say "visions that you've chose" should be 'chosen' but I think that the whole of the poem supports the language, as it would be spoken by the narrator. Excellent! Thank you for this one! My best to you as always, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2005-11-16 16:43:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
You know, I've often thought that poets should get together and design a new set of greeting cards, ones that are witty, fun and smart. Maybe, limited additions, so that the market doesn't suck the originality out of them. Now, what is most interesting about this poem, is that you peer beneath veneers, and then beneath more veneers; all the while making your concise observations appear light hearted. Tells us something, and very well told, that seeing ANYONE unidimensionally is a mistake. And you achieve this by a superb use of contrasting images. The poem has a sing-song quality, which makes it a breeze to read; this quality almost always guarantees that it won't be taken seriously. No bite, and sometimes, that sure is nice. Terry
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!