This Poem was Submitted By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2005-11-21 09:32:53 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Oasis

There is sand, so sore, out there too abundant, out there, where the rain is wasted ‘til the day it greets us, under these palms... ...over here is the deep oasis, come berth your ship, and step inside.  We’ve watered the earth’s poorest souls  since nineteen forty five. That's the beauty of this oasis, all the things you can see, and clear: the desert, under the desert moon, is finally beautiful here... ...still, I nightly call to my brother with the camel that clouds his eye: ‘Come in to the deep oasis, come. Come in, and you’ll be fine.’

Copyright © November 2005 Mark Andrew Hislop

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-11-30 16:12:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
Before I forget - I don't think you were around at the time I wrote "dinky-di". Look for it. I think you will enjoy it. Okay, back to your poem. There is ever the mystery surrounding this. Water, is the staff of life (next comes bread). Without water we die in 10 days or so. The sand is sore, it's hot and the oasis provides nourishment. And hopefully the palms bear dates. They mystery of 1945 leaps out. The end of WW2? The N.African campaign was fought in the desert. Did your brother die there? This is kinda haunting my friend. Wish I had more info.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2005-11-24 21:33:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25000
Prolix: I'm taking your keyboard away. And the chalk. Next the knives. PS: Send more money. We've got ants. And they've got cellular. tew
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-11-22 00:04:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.54545
Hi Mark, Hmmm, I am wondering what to make of this theme or the direction it points in. The Oasis is Israel....of course...and the desert under its roof did bloom ever since it came into existence. My wonder begins with whether you are a proponent of the nation of Israel at the expense of a palestinian state or peaceful co-existence of both. You seem to be inviting the arab in - ‘Come in to the deep oasis, come. Come in, and you’ll be fine.’ Now that could be an invitiation to peace or a denial of giving him his own independent country. Interesting. I like the rhyme in this (being my favorite form). Take care, Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2005-11-21 11:42:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Is a camel in the eye worse than a beam (sorry; it strikes me as being kind of funny)? If the brother can't see, he will have a hard time finding the place, although I understand that some desert people can literally smell water. Or the cloud-camel can smell it for him. The speaker definitely wants this friend (I'm taking "brother" to be a bit metaphorical) to join him, share his perspective, maybe gain something from these deep waters (of poetry, perhaps? of imagination? of inspiration? of faith?) There is sand, so sore, out there - nice cadence, like a mantra or chant too abundant, out there, where the rain is wasted ‘til the day - we can be offered, but if we don't take the gift it's useless it greets us, under these palms... ...over here is the deep oasis, come berth your ship, and step inside. - "ship" is unexpected; then again, camels are ships of the desert and ships are often metaphors for ways of exploring our own souls We’ve watered the earth’s poorest souls - the year is significant: end of WWII and, perhaps, a birthdate? since nineteen forty(-)five. That's the beauty of this oasis, all the things you can see, and clear: - the artistic vision, methinks. Those without it are barren. the desert, under the desert moon, - why repeat "desert' in the same line? is finally beautiful here... ...still, I nightly call to my brother - those who have been enlightened wish to share it with the camel that clouds his eye: ‘Come in to the deep oasis, come.- "deep" implies that good writing, too, needs depth Come in, and you’ll be fine.’ - Is this true? Or is the speaker merely offering a false invitation to lure the brother? I'll take it as sincere. This is a poem with more than one level. If the desert is representative of writer's block, or lack of inspiration, then the oasis is clearly the opposite. But can we motivate others? I'd say that mutual critiques can do this. The desert is a familiar place for most of us at some point. Thought-provoking read! Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2005-11-21 10:49:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.69565
MAH, A political poem on Israel. With no doubt a pesonal dimension that is as layered as an ogre, an onion. I am lacking in insightful comment today. Which prevents me from falling off the usual limbs. It is a day of safety consciousness. MSS
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