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The End Is Near Driving down a slow country highway tall grass swaying and waving my way, breaking long wisps of spider web silk held together with weldings of milk, clouds racing with undercarriage pain rumbling a warning of coming rain. Bible music pouring from the dash "Come join him before the final crash," "Jesus saves us all," the preacher sings "Cleanse your dirty soul and all it brings," at noon shadows narrow on sun dials and one sign says road ends in five miles. Dusty winds indicate a dry day leaving white caps dancing on the bay, trees standing tall collecting a fee a guiding map lays across my knee, long turns changing genders on the trail a sea breeze pushing boats with a sail. Reaching my hideaway just past noon storing life's treasures in each kept room, fresh bread and strawberry jams won't last there was a supply store near I passed, Escaping steams let pot vapors loose herbs and sauces start stirring my juice. Feasting on broth from my one pot meal "Love and death and life with an ideal," Tanya is pouring chords across my room rap says it best, "death and coming doom," generations are failing in song Preachers say, "Believe, it won't belong." |
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-12-31 17:24:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86667
Arvin,
I like this as a whole. I think the 'story' is good.
It feels like a small farming community, by the waters edge, summer afternoon with thunder
happening as you ride along heading home, music blaring. And your soaking it all in.
breaking long wisps of spider web silk
held together with weldings of milk,[the transition isn't smooth from flora/to clouds/maybe end the sentence.]]
clouds racing with undercarriage pain
rumbling a warning of coming rain.
"Jesus saves us all," the preacher sings
"Cleanse your dirty soul and all it brings,"[transition......sentence end?]
at noon shadows narrow on sun dials [The noon shad....etc..]
and one sign says road ends in five miles.
fresh bread and strawberry jams won't last
there was a supply store near I passed,[store I drove past]
Escaping steams let pot vapors loose
Just my ideas...enjoyed your bible thumping music jumping poem.
Happy ny
Dellena