This Poem was Submitted By: arvin r. reder On Date: 2005-12-07 14:17:39 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The End Is Near

Driving down a slow country highway tall grass swaying and waving my way,  breaking long wisps of spider web silk held together with weldings of milk, clouds racing with undercarriage pain rumbling a warning of coming rain. Bible music pouring from the dash "Come join him before the final crash," "Jesus saves us all," the preacher sings "Cleanse your dirty soul and all it brings," at noon shadows narrow on sun dials and one sign says road ends in five miles. Dusty winds indicate a dry day leaving white caps dancing on the bay, trees standing tall collecting a fee a guiding map lays across my knee, long turns changing genders on the trail a sea breeze pushing boats with a sail. Reaching my hideaway just past noon storing life's treasures in each kept room, fresh bread and strawberry jams won't last there was a supply store near I passed, Escaping steams let pot vapors loose herbs and sauces start stirring my juice. Feasting on broth from my one pot meal "Love and death and life with an ideal," Tanya is pouring chords across my room rap says it best, "death and coming doom," generations are failing in song Preachers say, "Believe, it won't belong."

Copyright © December 2005 arvin r. reder


This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-12-31 17:24:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86667
Arvin, I like this as a whole. I think the 'story' is good. It feels like a small farming community, by the waters edge, summer afternoon with thunder happening as you ride along heading home, music blaring. And your soaking it all in. breaking long wisps of spider web silk held together with weldings of milk,[the transition isn't smooth from flora/to clouds/maybe end the sentence.]] clouds racing with undercarriage pain rumbling a warning of coming rain. "Jesus saves us all," the preacher sings "Cleanse your dirty soul and all it brings,"[transition......sentence end?] at noon shadows narrow on sun dials [The noon shad....etc..] and one sign says road ends in five miles. fresh bread and strawberry jams won't last there was a supply store near I passed,[store I drove past] Escaping steams let pot vapors loose Just my ideas...enjoyed your bible thumping music jumping poem. Happy ny Dellena


This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-12-25 21:19:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Aevin, This is an enjoyable read and flows along quite nicely. However, there were a few spots where it seemed you went a bit of course for the sake of rhyme: trees standing tall collecting a fee a guiding map lays across my knee, long turns changing genders on the trail a sea breeze pushing boats with a sail it appears as if toward the end of your poem your are rambling, jumping from one thought to the next. IMHO, you need to tighten it up a bit...even though I did enjoy the read. Best always. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-12-15 17:56:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.61538
It won't be long huh? Oh well guess I'll go down with the rest. Arvin, your poetry is getting better each time I read them.Your descriptive passage in the first stanza is wonderful. I'm glad at least you had Tanya to listen to to help with the lonliness and the one pot meal (sometimes the best kind). long turns changing genders on the trail....this is the one line I don't quite get but it seems apropos. Thanks for posting. An interesting piece.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2005-12-07 15:56:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Like the thought and presentation in this. Felt at times there was some rough edges but only from this readers eyes probably not by others. Examples: Dusty winds, indicate a (very) dry day there was a supply store, near, (where) I passed, Preachers say, "Believe, it won't, be( )long Just some thoughts. Enjoyed reading and seeing your thoughts about a travel along life's road in today's world.
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