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Apprenticeship Steve Fry, in his example, spun my head. I don't debate the wisdom of his method, Hell, it is clear I was a skill-less fool Until I took, Seriously, this Art In which I've faked my way as a 'believer,' Speaking of it as if no mystery Remained that I had not already mastered, While, of course, mastery was the last thing I Possessed. Happy accidents ruled my verse Much as a father doing shift work through The day's too tired, when home, to teach the wayward Son any manners, or proper respect. Now it is clear: this youngster can be taught, or More to the point, he hungers now to learn A rope or two, or all: fact is, whatever There is to learn. First up: humility. |
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2006-01-24 01:34:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
MAH,
A little research showed me that Steve Frey is a guy with a Christian Ministry, one of those inspirational Christian speaker/minister types. Until your poem, the name was meaningless to me. But I'm assuming it only serves as a point of departure for you here: you actually heard him speak, and something he said triggered the poem. Bottom line, I may have the wrong Fry, but it doesn't really matter, does it? And, if it doesn't, they why are you telling us this? If it does matter, you are writing a poem for a very, very select audience, one which will know of Fry and, what, his concept of apprenticeship? Here's my thought on these kinds of references: one can, i think legitimately, demand that a reader be familiar with the foundations of Western thought and art, Shakespeare's Hamlet for example, or the Bible. If one is a poet, I think one can also insist on a knowledge the tradition's masters - as in my Alfoxden poem, where i'm assuming the reader is familiar with Williams' "Queen Anne's Lace." The reference in that instance is a pool which any educated English speaker can be assumed to be familiar. If they are not, the fault is the readers, not the poets. In my view. And I grant their is a bias there, since it is really my manner of allusion which i'm defending. But to reference a guy like Steve Fry, and make knowledge of his ministry essential to the poem - that's a huge fault, since i think a reader can legitimately turn you off, saying "who the hell is Steve Fry?" Our referents and allusions must be geared to an agreed rate of exchange, an agreed coin, or else we're writing private poetry full of referents which are little more than self-referents, and a reader could say, "that's nice, now bugger off."
This is a pattern, a problem I see in your poetry at times: a too personal point of departure and reference, that makes a demand on the reader that he or she become interested in minutia of your daily life, and, like, what reader is really gonna give a damn. Now, you do - often and almost always - try to universalize, so you understand what I'm saying, i gather. But one must ask, in this context, what is the point of the specific reference, the detail of the reference - like Fry here. Couldn't you just generalize and universalize it to the experience of hearing a lecturer who inspired you. Like Whitman in "When I heard the Learned Astronomer":
When I heard the learn'd astronomer;
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me;
When I was shown the charts and the diagrams, to add, divide, and
measure them;
When I, sitting, heard the astronomer, where he lectured with much
applause in the lecture-room,
How soon, unaccountable, I became tired and sick;
Till rising and gliding out, I wander'd off by myself,
In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,
Look'd up in perfect silence at the stars.
We are not given the name of the astronomer, and the astronomer's "theory" - probably unknown to the likely reader - is irrelevant. Again, why give us Fry? And if knowing "Fry" is critical, you've gotta give us some notes and explanation, or else your limiting our involvement with the poem.
I refuse to pick apart poems, or rewrite someone else's work, but rather concentrate on general directions, big picture suggestions. I will say that the "happy accidents" metaphor or simile left me wondering what the "happy accidents" with the father is/was: an inadvertent teaching of manners or respect?
I found this poem a personal statement of a private nature, about something close to you, that you didn't, in my mind, universalize. Universalize, mate, and cut down on some of the private allusions, detail. And, btw, universalize doesn't mean stop contemplating your navel: we all have navels. :)
MSS