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This Poem was Submitted By: Medard Louis Lefevre Jr. On Date: 2006-01-17 06:03:12 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Which World Is Yours

You see the crack baby Desperately clinging to life You see the child enraptured By his gaming device You see the son endangered In a foreign land The daughter pregnant No father around You open your eyes Then close them again You go through life wondering Which world is yours You see the man with AIDS The husband in his Mercedes The woman on the streets The wife in her warm home You see the man working To feed his children The woman spending thousands On jewelry for her toes You close your eyes Then open them again You go through life wondering Which world is yours You see the black man struggling To defend his race You see the rich and powerful Looking for a cause You see the hopeless praying For freedom from their thoughts You see the divine nature Of dreams realized You open your eyes Then close them again You go through life wondering Which world is yours You see the Lamb's blood Sacrificed for all You see some refuse it While others accept grace You see people turn away From life's precious gift You see people living To continue the faith You close your eyes Then open them again You go through life wondering Which world is yours

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2006-02-03 01:53:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.61905
Medard Eloquent social commentary, depicting the frustration many people come to in trying to understand it all, the world and their place in it, and the relevance of faith, chequered though its path may be. Regards Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2006-01-20 07:49:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
Yes, don't we. Each opening the dawn of the day We left behind in fear, in hope, Which opens like a flower, Which dies in the night, And like the Phoenix, rises, Like Christ from that mental death, Only to be played again, again.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2006-01-18 19:06:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Medard, You bring some good ideas to bear upon the poem; but I think you might do it more effectively by making it more personal. The "you" is who? Though there is a commonality of experience that assumes understanding, your ideas lose effectiveness by pointing them straight at a uncertained individual. Even "we" is a bit precarious; sometimes I read "we" in a poem and think, where's/who's the "we"?. It presumes too much upon the reader. What you do succeed at doing is showing the intense complexity of a world where reality is formulated by what people draw out of it, and what they give their attention to. Asking the question several times, Which world is yours?. And it is a good question to ask. I do not think this poem would suffer by using punctuation, it might enhance it. The poem also takes no judgemental stance; and that lends it an innocence that allows open discussion. Terry

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2006-01-17 08:12:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.26667
Lots of thought behind this poem or should I say lyrical piece. I like how you use the refrain to make the reader think about each segment you present. Which world is theirs, how do you live your life, is it by ones own direction or a direction presented to each by someone above. Like how you mix the common life with that of the rich, like how you show illness and poverty, like how you show wealth and contentment, like how you show faith or one lacking. Well done for each group presented itself well. No suggestions because you kept this reader within the poem throughout and after each refrain I pondered on the thought and that I think is what you intended to do or at least in this readers eyes. Thanks again for sharing a thought provoking poem.

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