Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

This Poem was Submitted By: James C. Horak On Date: 2006-01-28 06:52:40 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

A Tattered Poem (Somewhat more than usual)

I think I know what built Stone Henge: Time tokens, mystic monuments, maybe just Gandhi Cool-Aid. Ever know anyone with a plan?...not to get rich, famous, bridling fury with some bit to the teeth? But a real plan...something opening minds, Opening them wide, perilously wide? Did I mention Gandhi Cool-Aid? Henry Troper, had it down to an art, Collecting so meticulously. 28,373 jars, coffee cans, tubs, worth. You couldn't stay in his car...not even Near, on hot summer days. Unless diaper hampers had you customized. Storage buildings, closets full...don't Open any doors too quickly. Henry knew Science and God weren't counting Well...that he could do better. But he knew They knew, Collectively knew, When the oceans were all pissed, The world would end. I think I know what built Stone Henge.

Additional Notes:
Back in your teeth. Lovingly, JCH

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2008-02-14 23:34:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
James, I don't know what your other critiques were but I like it!! I am just now experiementing with free verse and I can only hope my words flow as yours! Thanks for leading me to this piece, I read it twice! Your ending was superb!! Perfect! Always, Rene'

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2006-02-07 06:05:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57143
Stone Henge build to buffer the pissed oceans what a concept. Not getting to close to the collector another interesting point. I like the hidden passage about the stench and the spilling out of ones life. But he knew, They knew, Collectively new life would end. Thanks for sharing.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2006-01-31 19:50:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Drop the Gandhi Cool Aid and you're on your way. It detracts from the seriousness of your message. I'm serious. tew

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2006-01-30 07:01:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.53846
JCH One whiz around the google world persuades me that Henry Troper was a myopic idiot. But maybe there is another Henry Troper who deserves not my wrath. You have, as usual, allusions aplenty. But if I had to guess at what it all is getting at, it would be that Stone Henge (and whatever it also stands for here) was not built by collecting rabbits' feet or other superstitious rites, but by sheer work coupled with deliberate foresight, the kind of hard fact that will always chagrin the lazy-making believers in magic bullets. Again (why you never listen to me I'll never know!) there's a distracting deviation into didacticism, or what comes very close to it, in "something opening minds,/Opening them wide, perilously wide?" Sure, effective interlinking of open/wide, but it seems to push the point too hard. But then, there is a sense of fit to the conversatoinal tone that carries the whole poem. There is a good collection of images here. But in sum, what you need here is more tightness. On the one hand, it hangs together. But on the other, it doesn't, in the end, gel to a oneness. For me, that is. Woe betide those who forget the subjective. MAH

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2006-01-28 12:56:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.78571
Tattered ya, but interesting. Perhaps if Tvsi used one more bottle he could have climbed to heaven! And the Ghandi Kool Aid? Remember that guy who killed all his followers. with Kool Aid? How duped some people are! And perhaps the people that built Stone Henge were also duped. And ya, I had a plan once which was to be a millionaire by age 40...could have made except I got divorced and then you know what happened!!!

Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!