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DragonSlayers Voyage Charted a course for the vineyards Sailing for Atlantis The storm`s a ragin Still have my hands on the wheel The sailors star still in sight I know there`s something out there But where only Odin knows Am I not forever cursed to sail these wretched seas And traverse the spoiled lands? No matter how fierce the storm No matter how violent the earth trembles Even now, hundreds of miles from shore I must find what I`ve lost Something that was stolen Something sacred that I`d never loose Aye through and through the raging storm I must cruise Ever seeking ever searching I have seen the whirlpool of death The ocean of fear A giant squid that could swallow a whole fleet of ships Sailed past the cape of death, I have Searching for something that was stolen from my very soul It`s truth only seen by the eyes of the blind Aye the sailors light shines like a holy light Upon these blackest of black waters tonight Sailing onward,without fear Through the fury of the storm For it is DragonSlayers destiny |
Additional Notes:
another of the "DragonSlayer" series
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-02-25 19:50:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Michael
I really enjoyed this and the suggestions I have made are just that, suggestions, so feel free to throw them out the door. As to presentation; take ever seventh line and push it over so it starts half from the beginning of the 6th...drop down an extra line before beginning the next stanza... this will leave you sets of seven with the last pushed, sort of finalizing a thought.
DragonSlayers Voyage [drawing title]
Charted a course for the vineyards
Sailing for Atlantis
The storm`s a ragin
Still have my hands on the wheel
The sailors star still in sight
I know there`s something out there
But where only Odin knows
Am I not forever cursed to sail these wretched seas
And traverse the spoiled lands?
No matter how fierce the storm
No matter how violent the earth trembles
Even now, hundreds of miles from shore
I must find what I`ve lost
Something that was stolen
Something sacred that I`d never loose [replace the “some” with “a”]
Aye through and through the raging storm
I must cruise
Ever seeking ever searching
I have seen the whirlpool of death
The ocean of fear
giant squid that could swallow a whole fleet of ships[loose the”a”]
Sailed past the cape of death, I have
Searching for something that was stolen from my very soul
It`s truth only seen by the eyes of the blind
Aye the sailors light shines like a holy light
Upon these blackest of black waters tonight
Sailing onward,without fear
Through the fury of the storm [loose “the”, and incorporate the final line into this one after dropping the “for”—you are making a statement, by dropping the “for” you make it more assertive]
For it is DragonSlayers destiny.
I’ve always liked this type of poems, I think the very first I ever read was when I was a child, it was called “The Wreck of the Hespreth”. Your writing is inviting, so bold and alive that it invigorates the spirit. Thanks for sharing.
Best always,
Lora