This Poem was Submitted By: Michael Bird On Date: 2006-02-08 21:29:06 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

DragonSlayers Voyage

Charted a course for the vineyards Sailing for Atlantis The storm`s a ragin Still have my hands on the wheel The sailors star still in sight I know there`s something out there But where only Odin knows Am I not forever cursed to sail these wretched seas And traverse the spoiled lands? No matter how fierce the storm No matter how violent the earth trembles Even now, hundreds of miles from shore I must find what I`ve lost Something that was stolen Something sacred that I`d never loose Aye through and through the raging storm I must cruise Ever seeking ever searching I have seen the whirlpool of death The ocean of fear A giant squid that could swallow a whole fleet of ships Sailed past the cape of death, I have Searching for something that was stolen from my very soul It`s truth only seen by the eyes of the blind Aye the sailors light shines like a holy light Upon these blackest of black waters tonight Sailing onward,without fear Through the fury of the storm For it is DragonSlayers destiny

Copyright © February 2006 Michael Bird

Additional Notes:
another of the "DragonSlayer" series

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-02-25 19:50:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Michael I really enjoyed this and the suggestions I have made are just that, suggestions, so feel free to throw them out the door. As to presentation; take ever seventh line and push it over so it starts half from the beginning of the 6th...drop down an extra line before beginning the next stanza... this will leave you sets of seven with the last pushed, sort of finalizing a thought. DragonSlayers Voyage [drawing title] Charted a course for the vineyards Sailing for Atlantis The storm`s a ragin Still have my hands on the wheel The sailors star still in sight I know there`s something out there But where only Odin knows Am I not forever cursed to sail these wretched seas And traverse the spoiled lands? No matter how fierce the storm No matter how violent the earth trembles Even now, hundreds of miles from shore I must find what I`ve lost Something that was stolen Something sacred that I`d never loose [replace the “some” with “a”] Aye through and through the raging storm I must cruise Ever seeking ever searching I have seen the whirlpool of death The ocean of fear giant squid that could swallow a whole fleet of ships[loose the”a”] Sailed past the cape of death, I have Searching for something that was stolen from my very soul It`s truth only seen by the eyes of the blind Aye the sailors light shines like a holy light Upon these blackest of black waters tonight Sailing onward,without fear Through the fury of the storm [loose “the”, and incorporate the final line into this one after dropping the “for”—you are making a statement, by dropping the “for” you make it more assertive] For it is DragonSlayers destiny. I’ve always liked this type of poems, I think the very first I ever read was when I was a child, it was called “The Wreck of the Hespreth”. Your writing is inviting, so bold and alive that it invigorates the spirit. Thanks for sharing. Best always, Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2006-02-09 09:29:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
My kind of poetry where the adventure is mixed with the sea. Reaching for the future yet it already has its direction. The challenges to face before reaching the final destination. Like the wording, like the adventure, like the depth you take me, yet the format is the only area that you might want to consider changing the layout. Otherwise outstanding.
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to Database Page!