This Poem was Submitted By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2006-02-09 08:23:53 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Strapped When the eyes were closed I felt sensation
as the wind carried me to new heights
above the deck and in my nest
now Strapped to the Mast...
Lashed to yonder yard arms
lips tipped with thoughts of salt
cheeks singe with the heat of sunlight
adrift on a sea of fury
I venture on
Embraced in a mist from Aphrodite
past the throne of Neptune
into the calming waters
next to the isle of wonders
I journey on
I clench the fist of thunder
sail with the Flying Dutchman
drop into a massive cyclone
engulfed by swirling waters
I continue on
Strapped to this Mast
Thrown, bounded by the abyss
fathoming the sea
I emerge, rise up from the depths
to the surface once more
In search
Will the albatross fly above
find a resting place
upon this shoulder
use it as a nesting sanctuary
In need
Alas the thoughts, drained
except for one
that has bound me
to this yardarm
Love... |
|
Copyright © February 2006 Thomas H. Smihula
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2006-03-07 12:03:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Thomas, I am not sure the Ancient Mariner would have ever found the hope you placed in this piece. It is almost a love story to the sea that will depose the life that itself is strapped to the love.
Loving the sea, there is a draw of this piece to my very soul. I know the dual analogy that springs throughout this piece, and beyond the yardarm, indeed, she waits;
Yet surrounding the tumult, there is an appeasement, and that love, that thought; can one excell beyond the passions which prevail?
I find, to return, and the Albatross lives, and nests, amidst the tumult, so love prepares the soul.
An excellent piece, simply excellent.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2006-03-04 08:38:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Tom,
Well, there's no way I could forget this jewel from the past.
Since sailing and the sea are some of my most favorite topics
this poem and your wording have special meaning for me.
You give us clear wonderful imagary and your ending stanza is superb.
The only suggestion I could make would be the remove the most obvious
"Love" at the very end as it is not needed.
Best,
Jen
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-02-26 15:04:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Thomas,
Your imagery is so vivid that it allowed me to see, feel and be there with you. Your title drew me in but I must admit in the reading of this perhaps there might be a more suitable title. Never the less, is all it's layers, the thrill of nature, the sea, it remains very sensual and riveting. I can not pick on favorite line for I liked them all. I find no nits in this but then technicals are not my strong point. Thank you for a most enjoyable adventure.
Best always,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2006-02-24 11:34:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Thomas
Overall, I like this. One thing that occurred to me to suggest, however, is that the placement of the single word "Love..." at the end somehow takes away from the power the rest of the poem is generating. What I mean is that whether love is the yardarm or what binds you to it, I think the imagery would be made much more effective if somehow the linkage was (by implication or direct linkage) made more explicit earlier on.
The reason I say that is that there is a wistful or perhaps melancholy tone to "bound me/to this yardarm" that gives the poem its true poignance, but which what appears to me as the overstatement "Love..." diminshes. Almost as if you could give more weight to the "love" not drawing such attention to it at the end.
Almost as if love draws it power by not being named.
Just an idea.
Mark
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