This Poem was Submitted By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2006-03-09 14:40:33 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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In Passing...

The season of our parting, comes too soon  As deaths dark cloak, drapes heavy overall With reason, nor with empathy's cocoon Shall leave it's bearer, perished from the fall.    

Copyright © March 2006 Nancy Ann Hemsworth


This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2006-04-05 08:15:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Nancy a very poignant piece that mimics much of what has been on my mind lately. I particularly appreciated the “drapes heavy overall”, as the looming of what must be is without recourse. In Passing... – Your title carries a terrific duality, of one watching the passing, and one who will one day pass. I think the title in this case carries the verse, for it is our approach to the inevitable that provides the eternity that remains behind. The season of our parting, comes too soon – How aware the poets, (always the poets), know of this obtuse “passing”. For we watch it overtake others and know- it comes to soon, and will come too soon for us as well. As deaths dark cloak, drapes heavy overall – I wonder if the “cloak” that is “dark” is a presumption on our part- most see the passing as a bright time of hope- I see it as a bright integration with the quantum of the universe- but the dark- most would rather not leave- and that looms before us. With reason, nor with empathy's cocoon – “empathy”, indeed, is insular- and there is “reason” as the emotions and loss is at times overbearing. You have made the stand so well “empathy’s cocoon”- insular and prophetic. Shall leave it's bearer, perished from the fall. – The “bearer”- the “passing” and you end this with the duality of “fall”, that of losing the grip on this existence, as well as the “autumn” of our days. The “bearer” a duality in this word, that of one who must endure the “passing”, but also one (if given hope or demise) carries the voucher for whatever is next. An excellent piece. I am glad I did not miss it.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2006-04-02 12:19:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nancy, This is marvelous! The Iambic Pentameter is perfect, giving it an even smooth flow all the way through. "The season of our parting, comes too soon" Yes, a refreshing way to elaborate the coming of death. Love the use of the word 'parting.' Perfect! "...As deaths dark cloak, drapes heavy overall..." Love the alliteration, and you chose to go with the 'd' sounds which give a very dramatic impact to each of the words. Like an impending slowing heartbeat. Well said..."death's dark cloak..." I like that combination of words. "...With reason, nor with empathy's cocoon Shall leave it's bearer, perished from the fall..." Yep, no one gets out alive! It comes without mercy, and sometimes without warning. It's inevitability is well spoken here. "...empathy's cocoon..." Outstanding! Love it! Great word choices all thru this. I am amazed at how much you packed into these four lines! Imagery, feeling, emotion... it's all there. Seems we both wrote about 'Death' this month. as well, and both in Iambic Pentameter!! Eerie coincidence, eh? Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this, In fact I have read it numerous times, before I critiqued! You use good figurative language, and the technique throughout is sound. Timing and meter perfect! But, it's execution is what I enjoyed the most. Nothing overstated, yet everything is there. Short and succinct. Brava, Nancy! Thanks so much for sharing! Warm Regards, Mary
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-03-19 18:31:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Nancy, Yup...none can escape the grim reaper no matter what we do. I like this....even though we care deeply we can do nada. This makes the case for appreciating our todays and living fully through tomorrow. Nice job. Dellena in passing.....
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2006-03-15 08:30:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
What a strong and in-depth piece. You have kept a structure intack while reader ponders on the thought. Death's dark cloak is excellent with the use of drapes heavy. I see the body perished but not the mind for I hope that was your intent. How quickly it arrives without us completing what we set out to do and accomplish; leaving others behind to carry on the journey is our hope. Whether it is a spouse, child, parent or friend this poem fits all; they try to protect showing warmth and compassion. When one leaves this world we do feel cutoff by their leaving as if some part of us has gone with them. Well done Nancy wouldn't change anything for you have given this reader depth and thought. Thanks, Thomas.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-03-10 12:13:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nancy, I have read this several times, and each time I choke up. The lose of someone very close, very loved, very dear is one of those events that make each moment we try to put it into words stop for just that moment, caught somewhere in a nether land, in between sorrow, loss and knowing that they continue in spirit, but it feels so hollow. It is always too soon the season of death when it comes to someone we share so much with, regardless of our outlooks on life/the celestial, the loss just flat out hurts and the pain can't be rationalized. This is so welled penned and heart rending, it touchs so deeply that private inner space that we all reserve for ourselves. Thank you for sharing this intimate part of you with us, you do us great honor. Warmest always, Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2006-03-10 12:12:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
The heaviness of the "d's" on line 2 makes this very somber. Quadrain is very effective here, as well as the title. I always thought parting was such sweet sorrow...(ugh).
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