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This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-04-13 15:28:55 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Watermark

Swirling the profanity flows with more force than water turned to high. It gushes forth with the pressure of a steamed cooker popping it's top. Accepted as the custom, it's commonplace. It’s the breaching of our social protocol. Rules change as we transform as people. We become less or more by the power of our self-will.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2006-05-04 07:41:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81481
So true and well said Dellena. I like this couplet a well done description of profanity "It gushes forth with the pressure of a steamed cooker popping it's top." and really makes your title stand alone...and we do "become less or more by the power of our self-will." enjoyed!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2006-04-25 08:32:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Dellena, This is powerful and scathing! Intriguing title, fresh metaphor and you make us sit up and take notice without even using any strong language. Imagine that! You start with 'swirling' which can be reminescent of a toilet flushing and when you talk about profanity flowing, well it just goes well together. My favorite is : "It gushes forth with the pressure of a steamed cooker popping it's top" Some of the things they say on the radio and TV make me glad I don't have small children anymore and make we want to quite watching or listening. Yes, it is all about self will! Thanks for this wake up call to the world. I thoroughly agree and appreciate this piece. My Best, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2006-04-18 23:46:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Dellena, Nice to have stumbled at your poetry again although I have not exactly recalled the last time I provided comments to your poetry. This one is brief but it brings up a big matter to discuss on. Watermark, intriguing title and it is artistic on its own. I like the way you present the idea of social awareness, tackling about how humanity behaves in a way that it creates a commonplace although sometimes, if we take a look at the other side, it appears to be negative. We do wish that the transformation of people will be for everybody's advantage, preserving our own rights. Forgive me if I have a shallow idea (I still consider myself as neophyte at poetry). The only small thing I have noticed is the unnecessary use of the apostrophe "'" like in "steamed cooker popping it's top" - no need for the apostrophe I suppose. Jordan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Kenneth R. Patton On Date: 2006-04-14 11:27:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
You said it Dellena. I find when I feel threatened or fearful I sometimes resort to the bluster of profanity. I like the pressure cooker aliteration and the acknowledgment that it is our own self-will. Thanks, this is one I can take a lesson from KenP

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-04-14 11:04:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.14286
Hi D. This poem though terse is evocative and compelling. I have read it several times! It carries a profound message, doesn't beat around the bush but comes right to the point and sadly speaks the truth. Yes unfortunately the rules do change. It is quite difficult to keep up sometimes...you just think you have it and boom..it changes one more time. This seems to happen more often as we age. Well done. Blessings...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-04-13 22:43:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.11111
Dellena, What an astute observation of how our society has changed. You are so correct in what was not acceptable now seems to be commonplace, quality of life sure isn't what is once was. If only people would slow down long enough to see what is around them, to take charge and own their lives rather than plodding full bore onward and flowing with what is concieved as the norm....moral integrity sure has gotten loss, we are what we speak,it is up to us what we put out to the cosmos and what will be returned. Thanks for the refresher in taking charge of our own lives. Well written and thought out, I especially liked your closing line. best always, Lora

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