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This Poem was Submitted By: Ronald D Istivan On Date: 2006-04-20 08:10:46 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Period 6

While we are sitting in our chairs, slowly rotting away with nothing left but our pens. Now sitting on the couch, watching television brainwashing our eyes. Grab the telephone - call the devil ahead of time. Tell him you’ve got a message that needs to be delivered. Rush out of your house – Visit your neighbor and tell them something important. Because I have only this pen, a magic marker, and I am doodling remnants of kindergarten.

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2006-04-25 13:30:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.40000
Hello Ronald and welcome. It's always good to see new poets and have a fresh new perspective. Period 6 I "assume" is a period in a classroom and you were bored to tears to write this little poem. It's structue can use some tightening (see below) however it was quite humorous. I liked the thought and the line about brainwashing the eyes. Never thought of that before. I trust that your neighbour has nothing to do with the devil...do you have a direct line? Thanks for this. While we are sitting in our chairs, slowly rotting away with nothing left but our pens.......................be careful here. You are switching back and forth between singular and plural first person here and the following stanzas. I would suggest this: While I was sitting in my chair slowly rotting away there was nothing left but my pen Look at your last stanza...where you use first person singular. Okay? Hope you understand. Let me know. Arnie

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2006-04-22 17:59:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Ronald, Nice to see you here in TPL as one of our new members. Welcome to TPL! Ooops, I should call you, Sir, as you are a music teacher, interesting to know! I just read the Period 6 and I this made me recall the things that I had during the younger schooldays with no care in the world. I am 26 right now and I missed the days that I have nothing to worry about, just going to the flow of what came my way. But in school I was always mindful of my grades as I don't want to be left behind the top students. Maybe the period that you described here is the early days of your scribing or the times that you write just to kill the time. You know, perhaps I learned to write poetry when I began to fall in love. I used to write letters/poems to those girls I courted before. Just excited to tell the remnants of my teenage days... Thank you for sharing this with us. And hope you share more of your pieces here. Jordan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2006-04-21 21:03:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81250
and so goes the cycle eh..I like this the way your makes have doodled. Interesting poem. "Magic marker", in more than one way isn't it? It can take us back to "kindergarten" and all the thoughts of childhood that we pen to paper, immature and real and sweet with innocence, or Pack with the devil, deep scribbles dark and haunting..fearful and manic. Tell someone our truth, what makes us who we are before we are no more..leave our make ..our doodled remains..don't know if I am right about how I am intruperting this (know my spelling isn't!" LOL..but it brought me to this place your pen that is..and that is what the task is all about isn't it...making an experience for the reader. Enjoyed your piece, even though I probably analysed it too much. Thanks for sharing

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