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This Poem was Submitted By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2006-04-22 21:02:01 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Luna goes to bed…

When night rain bathes Earth, drenched branches nod to wind, then she slips into sea

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-05-04 20:46:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Joanne, So clever you are lady, regeneration and I just love the last line with your play on words. She's is definitely ever vigilent, you've created wondrous visions and enumerous thoughts. Well done. Best always, Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2006-05-04 05:28:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81481
Such a lovely little haiku my friend. Love the personification of the "night", the "branches" and again the "moon"...The images are spectacular. The choice of soft "s" in the last line feels as if a sigh as slipped from Lunas lips, which is such a wonderful way to send her off it bed. I like your use of assonance in the "a' sounds in "rain, bathes, branches. Excellent choice in the "ch" sounds of your phrase "drenched branches". I also like the loose rhyme of "wind,then" with the "n" linking them at the end of your second line, and "into" rounds it all out with yet another "n' sound to finish it off. This little gem sparkles my friend, and I have had a heck of a good time reading and finding all the skill you have written into it. It is wonderful to find haiku like this cause you know I love to write it myself. Have a great day, and write a few more of these will ya HUH!! LOL..Nancy

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jason S. Moore On Date: 2006-04-30 21:50:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Joanne! I cannot get an email to go through to you at the AOL address. I trust and hope you are well. When night rain bathes Earth, drenched branches nod to wind, then she slips into sea This is deep - deeper than the sea she slips into... a sea of sleep perhaps. Earth is cleansed - Nature continues - and I am puzzled whether this Haiku of 5 - 7 - 5 is beyond my reach. As always - beautiful writing. Was this something you wrote upon one of your cruiseline voyages? After much thought I'm seeing this haiku as a release for either a person - or water's inevitable journey. I like poetry that pulls us in - makes us think about the real message. The beauty of this is that it can appeal to anyone. NIcely done.

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-04-24 18:40:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.73913
Hi Joanne...beautiful thoughts here. I just love the notion of drenched branches nodding to the wind. Exquisite to say the least. Also I love night rains that bathe the Earth and then she slips into sea goes without saying is a delicious line to end this haiku. I really like this poetry form and don't know why I don't write more of them. I do think it is a gift to be able to say much with so little...and you have that. Only one question...in the second line does the word "then" make that line have eight syllables or is my feeble brain taking yet another vacation? To digress for a moment...have you noticed that we have some new poets among us? I hope they get some wonderful and helpful critiques and that they will stay with us and not become discouraged. I'm so thrilled that you came back to us...after losing Mell your return has lifted my spirits more than you know. Blessings...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2006-04-24 14:32:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25000
What can I say except this is a "neat" piece. Concise and totally comprehensible...Does Luna really go to bed? Nice tight format. Good title. Good to have you back.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2006-04-23 08:02:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Joanne, With that title all are wooed to read this lovely Haiku. The imagry of this one is stark and filled with beauty. "When night rain bathes Earth"----using long A sound of rain/bathes employs assonance that comfort and calm the reader and I picture Earth getting her bath. "drenched branches nod to wind, then"----and here again the 'ch' sounds are lovely and I really enjoy the added touch of wind/then. "She slips into the sea"----your "s" sounds lull us. Simply mesmerizing! You are so skilled at Haiku! Thanks for sharing this one. My Best, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2006-04-22 22:02:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Auntie Joanne, This is a fresh submission and I am sure I am the first one to take a bite on this haiku! So, I hurried up and here I go...Reading the title alone gives this reader fantastic imageries. I am so jealous that I have not thought of this before! But only you, the Astrologer has the right title of it! LOL! This imagery is always observed in our province; raining, dancing branches, moon rising and going down. I just have a fantastic experience after reading this and I want to feel the moon reclining on me and together we sleep tight. LOL! Always, my face is glowing when I see your posting... Take care always! Jordan

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