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This Poem was Submitted By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2006-05-23 08:52:01 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Daydream

I become the woods. Moss robes my shoulders, my branches exhale. Blackbirds walk my grassy back. I am emerald blades beneath their feet. As soil, I sense the quivering of worms, tunnel with them in glad clay, relish its moist black depths, suffer coats of gravel, revel in road’s surprise. As wind, I soar through dense green towards sun flung orbs. I learn to tremble with lake’s yearning for my lucid fingerling streams, feel wisps of fog caress my banks. As a cloud, I drop my face to lap at my likeness in water. As the Moon, I glimmer the blue lake, swoon to songs of jade frogs. Soon, as owls in the treetops, I will throb with ancient fervor for the feast.

Additional Notes:
rev

This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul R Lindenmeyer On Date: 2006-06-07 13:45:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Joanne, have not been on site forever...Then saw your name on this revised piece...So you are back....interesting. Your personification, as usual, escorts the reader thru the maze of nature's attire along with delightful alliterations and assonances. S's abound with r's creating soft, subtle sounds, reflective of how nature speakes in the heart of the forest...Moon, water, lakes, frogs, "wisps of fog" and one of my favorite words, glimmer..Enjoyed as usual the stroll. Nice to see you back...My best, Paul

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2006-06-06 11:06:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Joanne, I am so glad you posted this revision. I can't believe I don't remember this one, But every time I read it I get completely and utterly lost in the music and images therein. It's hard to choose a favorite part but this is the part I truly love: "I learn to tremble with lake’s yearning for my lucid fingerling streams, feel wisps of fog caress my banks." I won't be losing this one anytime soon. I'm saving it in my file of favorites by you to read over and over. My best and hope to see more of your work here very soon. Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2006-05-30 11:02:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Oh Joanne this is wonderful. I love how you have approached your subject and wrote through as if you were nature itself (mother nature) actually came to mind! You do love it so, I can tell through every single line you have written. One of my favorite ones were, (and oh what an image) "As a cloud, I drop my face to lap at my likeness in water." just grand! This is a feast for the senses..touch, smell, sight and sound! I could put down all the parts of this piece I love, but then I would just have to copy and paste the whole thing..(smile) BEAUTIFUL! my friend..

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2006-05-26 21:51:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77273
Hi Auntie, So nice of you to write this natureFUL poem. It tickles my senses all the way and to the maximum level. I could imagine how your mind soared so high to daydream these things, placing yourself as the nature. How wonderful this experience should be! Nothing I can say more, this is a treat for all of us! More, please! <smile> Jordan

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-05-23 16:05:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Oh, Joanne...you are back, really back! I have been waiting for this poem. The softness of mother nature as only you can describe her. You speak of the woods, the soil, the wind, the coulds, and for good measure the jade frogs and owls. It can't get any better than that. Your word choices are amazing and you pull this reader in and make me feel as if I am experiencing these wonders with you. Maybe in your yard or from your porch but side by side...quiet...just feeling and seeing and sensing all of it while our minds scramble to describe it on paper. I become the woods. Moss robes my shoulders, my branches exhale....these lines drew me in and I knew I was in for a treat. As soil, I sense the quivering of worms, tunnel with them in glad clay, relish its moist black depths, suffer coats of gravel, revel in road’s surprise....will I ever be able to write like this? I have felt these things but have never been able to say them with such eloquence As wind, I soar through dense green towards sun flung orbs. I learn to tremble with lake’s yearning for my lucid fingerling streams, ....I was out shopping today and the wind was blowing so hard but now I read these wonderful words and I feel one with the wind and not straining against it. Do you have any idea how beautiful this is? feel wisps of fog caress my banks. As a cloud, I drop my face to lap at my likeness in water. As the Moon, I glimmer the blue lake, swoon to songs ....wisps of fog caressing....lovely and drop my face to lap at my likeness in water....is delicious and inspired of jade frogs. Soon, as owls in the treetops, I will throb with ancient fervor for the feast.....you could have not had a better ending than this. It is just supberb. You have done an expert job with enjambments throughout which makes the words and lines flow together like a smooth and placid lake. Bravo and a standing ovation for this one....I am so glad you are back! Hugs...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-05-23 15:31:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.66667
Joanne, A splendid daydream indeed! You are one with the Earth and woods and streams and beast. This is the song of vibrant life. This is communion and not dominion. [As it hould be!] I become the woods.[I like forest better] Moss robes my shoulders, my branches exhale.[I'd do something for transition from tree to grass before the birds] Blackbirds walk my grassy back. I am emerald blades beneath their feet. As a cloud, I drop my face to lap at my likeness in water. As the Moon, I glimmer the blue lake, swoon to songs of jade frogs. [love the mirroring of yourself and singing with frogs!] You shared your dream with me, I'm the richer. Lovely poem Joanne........ Enjoyed the retreat. Love to you... Dellena

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