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This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-06-16 15:04:38 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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A Spot On The Prairie

It was the bluest noon in June Without the slightest hint of breeze I stepped upon the tawny plain Circled by mountains high and steep, In silence I trod with calm and ease. A slumbering cabin came into view The sides and roof splintered with age I stepped inside the lazy door And felt the hair creep upon my head. Gossamer ghosts hovered above the floor Like every fairy wheel and thread, long Fingers of light shone through the cove. No robust phantom lingered there Only sunbeams that danced on silver dust, My hard breathing ceased, my joy increased As I drank of the stillness and peace

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2006-07-04 18:47:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Mazza Lovely imagery here. I enjoyed this. Hugs Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2006-07-02 10:13:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Oh such beautiful and well written images within this work Marilyn. Thanks for taking this reader along with you for this visit back in time and memory. I could picture myself there..and feel my hair at the back of my neck. I can so relate to this experience. some fav. lines in this for me are "It was the bluest noon in June" nice inline rhyme here, it sings. "Gossamer ghosts hovered above the floor Like every fairy wheel and thread, long Fingers of light shone through the cove." This piece appeals to all the senses, I could smell this place as well.don't know exactly why, but that is how strong you have written your images..and I love the way you changed the mood in this as well from stanza to stanza, ending with "My hard breathing ceased, my joy increased As I drank of the stillness and peace" and dismissing the "ghost". truly enjoyed this piece.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2006-06-26 16:26:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, I have been gone for a bit. Been going through a very rough time. What a treat it was to come back and read this wonderful display of word art. The imagery in this is simply magnificent. Your well chosen words seem to actually transport the reader to the prarie right along with you! It was the bluest noon in June ...LOVE the ooooh sound here. Wonderful smooth start. Without the slightest hint of breeze I stepped upon the tawny plain Circled by mountains high and steep, ...what a gorgeous scene you set for us. Could feel the warm breeze and feel the warmth of that "tawny plain beneath my toes In silence I trod with calm and ease. .......Soooooo soothing A slumbering cabin came into view The sides and roof splintered with age I stepped inside the lazy door .......again, the vivid imagery paints a wondrous picture in the mind And felt the hair creep upon my head. Gossamer ghosts hovered above the floor ....nice alliteration (and image) with "gossimer ghosts" LOVE it! Like every fairy wheel and thread, long Fingers of light shone through the cove. No robust phantom lingered there ...."robust phantom" - WOW! Great word choices here! Only sunbeams that danced on silver dust, ...love this entire line - perfection! One of my many favs here. My hard breathing ceased, my joy increased As I drank of the stillness and peace ....assonace AND alliteration in both lines! VERY NICE. I have always found the "S" can create such silky smoothness to the flow. LOL! No pun intended! *grins* The ending is perfection, as well. It leaves the reader basking in "the stillness and peace" of you words, and the exceptional visions they create in our minds as we read. It flows so very well throughout. Sorry to have been gone for so long, my friend. So good to come back to something as rich and vivid as this. Thanks for sharing your "spot" on that prarie with us. Beautifully penned, indeed! Goes on my list immediately! :) Always, Mary

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2006-06-23 09:27:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
marilyn--Vivid imagery presented by the recounting of this visit to "A Spot On The Prairie"/deserted domicile). Excellent twist/turning from a seemingly ominous situation to one of gratuitousness. A small query of punctuation (lack thereof) at the end of some lines (in keeping with the rest of your text), i.e., lines #2, #6, #11 & #14. This just may be my mistake- pausing at the wrong line breaks-smile. Thanks for sharing these images from a surreal experience. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-06-18 23:56:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93333
Marilyn, I thouroughly enjoyed this piece. The calm, almost dream like state, pure relaxation that carresses all of the senses. The anticipation, excitement of finding a long past needed dwelling, the mind dancing with imagination--charged electric with the visual and imagined and then soothed by sunbeams delighted in the find. Philosophy and archiology wrapped up in mystic vision and delivered in this accomplished write. I could smell the sun warmed dust and simply adored your "lazy door". Most of all I was best sated by your closing line. Kudos, and I return the red rose. Best always, Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2006-06-18 03:42:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Hi Marilyn, I find this a thrilling piece as I read it through! I did not expect the ending to be as peaceful as it is! <smile> I thought it was a sort of a nightmare just like what I posted. Your descriptions are just apt to make the sense of thrill. Did you recently watch a movie about ghost something? heheh Thanks for sharing this with us! More action-filled poem, please! Jordan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-06-17 15:07:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
It was the bluest noon in June>>>I want to sing thse lines! Without the slightest hint of breeze I stepped upon the tawny plain Circled by mountains high and steep,>>Do you really need this comma? It seems that you have found the end of that thought, and could possibly be made into a period. In silence I trod with calm and ease.>>>an important point well made A slumbering cabin came into view The sides and roof splintered with age I stepped inside the lazy door>>>This is an awesome picture. I think everyone can imagine this scene, and that is important to this reader. And felt the hair creep upon my head. >>I love the period there. I feel as if I need to get ready for what is coming. Gossamer ghosts hovered above the floor Like every fairy wheel and thread, long Fingers of light shone through the cove.>>ok now I am confused.I can imagine the ghosts lingering above the floor. I'm not so sure about the fairy wheel and thread...Is this a trick on the senses? Also, where did this cove come from? Did I miss something? At this point I started reading it over again just to make sure. No robust phantom lingered there Only sunbeams that danced on silver dust, My hard breathing ceased, my joy increased As I drank of the stillness and peace >>>>>fingers of light and sunbeams dancing...very easy to see..the relief of heaviness is a good touch and a nice surprise. Several times you have used 'double rhymes' as in: ceased/increased and noon in June....they make for an interesting read. They skip through the sentences as if they were not the intended thoughts of the poet. This is one of those times when that works well, since you are going from peace to fear and then to relief and peace again. This is an enjoyable poem! I hope that at least one of my comments was helpful. If you should revise anything please don't stray far from your original text as it is well written. Smiles, Ellen

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