This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-06-16 15:55:14 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Come Walk With Me

Let's mingle in the wild and shaggy forest see the majesty of rolling trees as they rub against an azure sky, with leaves that softly scrub angel wings Come walk with me Beside the giddy brooks with borders of lichen ophite, see mystic splendors of cunning corridors and rhythmic spasmodic shadows Come walk with me When the flush of morning folds it's light among shrouded thickets hear the vibrating silence that echoes our fain footsteps Come walk with me Feel a rhapsody of wind weaving its way through steep timber tops whispering a syncopated serenade Let's frolic in His festival of awe

Copyright © June 2006 marilyn terwilleger

Additional Notes:
Another Old Poem from 2004


This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2006-06-27 15:14:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Marilyn, This poem has intensity of perception behind it, and your descriptive phrases are quite good. The "Come walk with me" gives the poem almost a hymnal quality, which your last line, "Let's frolic in His festival of awe", supports. A suggestion: the poem might sustain your depth better, if "Come walk with me" were used at the beginning and then at the ending; leaving the interior of the poem reinforcing your images; and lessening the break in continuity the line causes. Also, repeated too often, it begins to sound like an order, rather then the gentle suggestion you intend. The words - "When the flush of morning folds" are so beautiful! Terry


This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2006-06-26 18:29:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Marilyn, This is really pretty. In the first verse, the drawing of nature pulls the reader in, with anticipation of what will be next. Love the line: leaves that softly scrub angels wings - very nice! Second verse is just as rich with imagery, the only thing I hesitated with was the word "spasmodic" describing the shadows - as that one word doesn't seem to fit with the whole scheme of this piece. Otherwise each verse flows beautifully till the ending, which is another favorite line for me "Let's frolic in His festival of awe". You have brought the awe out, in this poem. Your version of this walk, transends time and space - takes the reader off into your imaginative playground, and leaves us feeling more than satisfied. Great job, again! Sincerely, Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2006-06-23 15:53:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
marilyn--With this vivid imagery you place reader's there beside you. Not many poets have your special knack of rev- erently portraying nature's wonders while giving all credit to humanity's loving and generous creator. Your personifi- cations are once again awesome. Thanks for the enthralling mind pictures in "Come Walk With Me." Great read. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-06-18 13:47:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, So glad you re-posted this one, it is great. This piece is lyrical, it sings in so many ways, it should be a song, I can hear the music both of man's orchestra and natures as I read this. It really begs to be sung aloud. One small suggestion, I would use "come walk with me" a final time at the end of your piece. I really like this and so enjoyed the visiuals and melody you've provided here. Best always, Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-06-17 14:46:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi. I promised you a good critique so here it is! Please don't be offended. Before I go any further, let me say that I do like this piece and enjoyed reading it. Your title caught my attention and called me to pick it out rather than just go to the first poem on the list. Such a great invitation and an alluring call. Let's mingle in the wild and shaggy forest >> wild and shaggy...great picturesque words see the majesty of rolling trees as >>another good image...the trees around here don't really roll so I had fun thinking about that. The word 'majesty' is really good here. they rub against an azure sky, with >>I think I may be simple minded but, to formulate that thought I had to stop and think what color that would be in the sky>> leaves that softly scrub angel wings>>awesome! A new thought and an enjoyable one. I might suggest the use of the plural (angels') however it really wouldn't be that helpful if you were to revise. 'Scrub' suggests that the angels need cleansing. Could those leaves possibly tickle the angels? Perhaps lending to their light-hearted and playful prescence? Beside the giddy brooks with>>yes, I can see this clearly and it adds to my enjoyment right here. borders of lichen ophite, see>>now I think I can 'smell' this forest. mystic splendors of cunning corridors >>> wild, shaggy, mystic, and cunning (this is an awesome forest) and rhythmic spasmodic shadows>>are rhymic and spasmodic opposites? this was hard for me to picture. >>mystic splendors of cunning corridors>>very sureal and appealing When the flush of morning folds it's light among shrouded thickets hear the vibrating silence that echoes our fain footsteps >>one typographical err-no big thing- This is my favorite stanza. It reads smoothly and provides good scenic backgrounds. I like the use of the words 'vibrating silence' and 'echoes'.I know that these are also opposites of each other; yet they are easily seen and felt. Again, I must confess to the simple minded understanding of this reader. Feel a rhapsody of wind weaving its way through steep timber tops whispering a syncopated serenade Let's frolic in His festival of awe >>Wow! This is another favorite part, if I am allowed more than one. We are mingling, frolicking, and walking through the day in this majestic place. We have water, wind, trees, thickets. It seems a complete picture. It's easy to imagine being there and 'feeling' the atmosphere. I like the way you keep bringing the reader back to: come walk with me....helps keep this reader focused. It's amazing (and delightful) to this reader that you didn't include long stanza's about the 'people' in this forest, but were able to stay on track 'of' the forest. This way I could put myself into the picture very easily; without the need to make adjustments to 'fit' the 'me' of it. A very enjoyable poem! Thank you for giving me the opportunity to read and critique. I hope I have made some useful observations. Of course I don't expect you to agree with all that I said, but if I made one point that you needed, then I have done my job. Smile, Ellen
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2006-06-17 04:17:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Marilyn, Thanks for this one. I surely need to read this poem today because I am in need of his help as I am in a situation where I am on a boat and it is almost to capsize although it is not that big deal if this boat overturns but hopefully it would not. Anyway, I just need to come walk with you and frolic in His festival of awe. <smile> Very inspiring poem! Your words are wonderful. Jordan PS. I am also afraid that I would get less time in critiquing here as my work gives me a hectic schedule. But I would do my best to be logged in here and atleast say a few words to those poem posted!
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