This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-06-17 19:22:41 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Constant

A windswept sky upsets intent meaning to curl, the set locks went.  Concrete has a written dictate but then it chips, cracks, breaks and flakes.   According to map, a path's laid  soon athwart comes the barricade.      I've never met proper format I wanted this, but I got that. I've appointed, numbered and planned;  yet quickly it revolves to sand.  No matter how I rearrange the only constant thing is change.

Copyright © June 2006 Dellena Rovito


This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2006-07-05 23:55:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Hi Dellena, How well you conveyed the idea of "constant" and "change" in a terse verse. Nothing to say more, but Goodluck. (smile) Jordan


This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2006-07-02 10:32:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Oh this is great! I love the rhyming couplets that you have arranged your poem in. They make this skip along so well, every thought a skipping spot. Sounds like a skipping song to me...and I think this is approperiate , reminds me of constant changing which is the theme of your poem. "Concrete has a written dictate but then it chips, cracks, breaks and flakes. " my favorite stanza, this is so true!!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-06-26 21:09:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94737
Your two line stanza's are right to the point. It's a neat style! Can I comment on each one without upsetting you? I hope so! My intent is not to change your poem, or your style, but to give you some idea's for your next poem! (smile) A windswept sky upsets intent meaning to curl, the set locks went. >>I almost missed that one! My mind first sprang to the 'locks' as a place to hold water. The word 'curl' and 'wind' pretty much put me back on track. It's very creative. Concrete has a written dictate >>very cool! but then it chips, cracks, breaks and flakes. >>can you drop the 'flakes' ? It's redundent and cumbersome. According to map, a path's laid soon athwart comes the barricade >>awesome! I prefer 'path is' rather than 'path's' but that's just a thought. I've never met proper format I wanted this, but I got that. >>>a comic! that brings a smile! I've appointed, numbered and planned; > why the sudden punctuation? yet quickly it revolves to sand. >>I like the order you task and resolve to nothing-ness! That's good. No matter how I rearrange the only constant thing is change.>>this is my favorite! it's ironic how 'rearraiging brings the changing' and yet that is the problem! I love it. It's a cool twist. I like this. Forgive me for saying so, but you need a better title. Some people just number their poems, but I don't like that either. I like a title that draws you in. I had a teacher once who said, "if the title doesn't get you-it's too late." Since then I've always looked at titles differently. Maybe you could use something like...."Where's the Constant!" or "Where is the Constant?" I don't know just some idea's. I like it. Thanks for sharing it! Smiles, Ellen
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2006-06-23 14:39:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena--A combination of witty verbiage and fresh end rhymes highlites this metaphoric work. This excellent offering aptly laments the futileness/frustrations of best made plans. And, provides vivid imagery of title/theme. Thanks for this almost satirical gem. No suggestions or nits to pick. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Zoe Fitch On Date: 2006-06-19 17:28:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I really like the message in your poem, that change is the only constant thing. My favorite lines were the last two. Overall I think your poem was good.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-06-19 16:12:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.76923
Hi D....this is a great poem and one that I really enjoyed. It is terse but well penned...the flow and structure is good. Written in free verse...which I am exteremly fond of. The message is so true and one I had not given much thought to but you are right. I remember my mother saying..."everything has an end." So if that is true then all things constant are continually changing.....one thing dies and another begins. I searched for something I could suggest for change or improvement but can find none. Well done. Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2006-06-18 21:17:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena I love this. So pithy, so gutsy and real. "I've never met proper format/I wanted this, I got that" ... could be the theme song of all our lives. I do think the piece lost its significant oomph in the last stanza: I knew it was coming before I read it. Every other stanza was a brilliant surprise ... and I don't say that lightly. But because I don't say that lightly ... well I hope you know what I mean. The rest is pure poetry, the last stanza was pure Hallmark. That aside, it's a lovely piece. Best Mark.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-06-18 14:30:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena, Your title drew me in but the catch phrases "A windswept sky upsets intent" "Concrete has a written dictate", you get the idea, demanded that I keep reading, had to know where you were going with this and I was not disappointed. Yes, those who've lived, truly lived, no the ying and yang, things are rarely what they appear to be, and in true hyoka fashion your live follows the rules.....*smile*, yes change seems the only constant, that is the one constant you know will always be. You've said so much with so few words, bravo, well done. I enjoyed this and would not change a thing. Wadoh, Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2006-06-18 11:25:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Dellena, There are a lot of sharp, and precise feelings in this poem, especially in the last verse. Great thought, and so true about life in general. No matter how I rearrange - the only constant thing is change. Changes, are suppose to be good things, I've heard, but sometimes transitional periods in life, can be the hardest. Love this line also: I've never met proper format, I wanted this, but I got that. I can completely relate to this statement, as working towards specific goals for my life, were offset by situations, out of my control. Yes, very good theme & message in this poem. Along with good structure, and good rhyming scheme, made this piece an enjoyable read. Sincerely, Denimari
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