This Poem was Submitted By: James C. Horak On Date: 2006-06-21 22:48:56 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Tending Mr. Dark Smiles do not hide that you would drink my blood,
Given slightest assent by the powerful.
Losing those dearest to me lifetimes in, lifetimes out,
Guile and craft comes to possess
Until I am wearied of all things owned.
We wake too late to know
Knowledge is its own reward.
While craft is an art of subterfuge that
Guile is more than a cloak of lies.
It is not
Telling moments fall like cooling drops of tallow
From a candle braving darkness.
All that gives this place the slightest value to persist
Is their break to the cadence of death march
Existence.
And the old mistakes come to own us
Like the cloak of Mr. Dark commands the Night. |
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Copyright © June 2006 James C. Horak
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-07-02 07:31:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.82759
Hi James....I think I have read this poem every day since you posted it. I just read on the forum that you have decided to leave us and that makes me profoundly sad. To rob us of your talent will sadden us all. This poem may very well be about the forum and the hurt that is sometimes inflicted there. You have written some very thought provoking statements in this poem and done it with flair and style.
We wake too late to know
Knowledge is its own reward.......I love this sage remark and I think it will stay with me for a very
long time...wonderful
Telling moments fall like cooling drops of tallow
From a candle braving darkness.................................I wish I had written this. It is very poetic
................................and gives a clear image of a burning candle
in my mind, I keep reading & reading it
All that gives this place the slightest value to persist
Is their break to the cadence of death march
Existence........................................these lines are the reason I think you may have
.....................................written this about TPL and our controversial
...................................forum...if I'm wrong you may slap my wrists!
This is a malancholy poem and one that leaves me with a doleful feeling. I wish you wouldn't leave...we need poets of your calibur to teach us and center us. Please think about it (I know you have already done a lot of thinking) but do it one more time. You have always been kind to me and I appreciate it more than you know.
My best....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2006-06-28 18:10:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
James... This is a truly powerful write, my friend! I so enjoyed this one. First, I LOVE the title! It's perfect, and draws the reader right in, setting an almost macrabe mood.
Smiles do not hide that you would drink my blood,
Given slightest assent by the powerful. .....I LOVE these first lines, excellent! Well stated.
Losing those dearest to me lifetimes in, lifetimes out,
Guile and craft comes to possess
Until I am wearied of all things owned. .....yes, after a time, it all seems to bring pain.
We wake too late to know
Knowledge is its own reward.
While craft is an art of subterfuge that
Guile is more than a cloak of lies. This whole stanza speaks such truth. "subterfuge" - great choice
and, "guile" being a "cloak of lies" - Love it!
..."Telling moments fall like cooling drops of tallow
From a candle braving darkness. " GREAT line. So very descriptive, and refreshingly original.
"And the old mistakes come to own us
Like the cloak of Mr. Dark commands the Night."
Yes, we are what we do, and in the end the darkness rules the night. Though, I much prefer the way you put it. So poetically rich and powerful. Kinda gives ya the willies! Like a final slap in the face, or wake up call. I adore poetry that evokes such deep thought, and you have certainly quenched that thirst well with this one, my friend. Wish I felt competent enough of a writer to further critique your work, but I believe it perfect as is! Thanks for sharing this word art with us, James. It's truly excellent!
Always,
Mary
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-06-28 17:06:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92593
James,
First let me apologize for having taken so long to give you a review, a bit too much on my plate as of late and I didn't want to short change you.
Your form as always astounds me as does your poetic language, perhaps some day I'll be able to mimic you somewhat...or maybe come a bit close. NO that isn't shmoozing you, it's just the simple truth.
Unfortunately as I read your poem what came to mind for me, or stood out is the tendency to fall back on old habits, to become lazy and take the easy way out (such as in reviewing others work). I wanted to say when I started this crit, "well slap me silly and call me Nell", this smacked me right in the face. I'm probably reading something into this that isn't but it reminded me to pay more attention to what I'm doing, in reviewing others work, in how I'm handling my affairs, etc. Mediocrity is so easy to adopt unfortunately albiet it may not be on purpose. You are an excellant example of one can achieve with words and form, please keep writing just the way you do. Thank you for the posting of this work.
I would not pick one line over another as a favorite. For me, they all are strong and telling and one does not stand before another.
Best always,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2006-06-25 19:52:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
JCH
This could almost be your personal manifesto. You're good at zeroing in on the tendency of people to smile while covertly attempting to sap someone's life force.
Highly reminiscent of life on the TPL forum. Well, perhaps not "highly reminscent", but there are similiarities.
"Until I am wearied of all things owned": I like that. Even the most resilient of us are apt to be ground down over time.
Keep braving the darkness, buddy.
MAH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-06-23 19:43:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.16667
James,
Lots of depth to this!
Sounds like disillusionment with the way the world plays out...
Theres lots of trickery and games people play.
In youth we think all that matters is attaining stuff.
Money, money, money! Then having 'it', gaurding 'it', is even harder.
People we love let us down.
We all mature at different rates.
But I think we most all figure it out! Sometimes too late.
I think men are at a disadvantage being the family main provider.
There's not time to think and ponder.
How many of us take time to undedrstand another/let alone ourselves?
Someday we finally forgive ourselves with all our shortcomings.
Hallelieua! Keep thinking!
Hopefully you can step out of yourself/and see it 'all'differently.
I love this stanza:
Telling moments fall like cooling drops of tallow
From a candle braving darkness.
You are so delicious to read!
You put so much emotion into your writing.
I'm honored to read this.
You show your humanity.
Great!
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2006-06-22 14:21:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear JCH,
Wow, a powerful write full of all the elements necessary to capture a reader and hold them in suspense.
Nicely done.
You've woven eerie into believable and my favorite lines in this poem are:
Knowledge is it's own reward - a complete thought,and very true - knowledge is A reward.
From a candle braving darkness - I can see the light flicker and tremble as braving the darkness.
Your first verse brings out reminiscent feelings of things past, lives gone, with a tiring feeling taking over at the thought of it all. Last verse reminds us mistakes are our own, and yes, own us to a degree.
We do try to move on - and not repeat the same ones again, but sometimes we fall shy of that accomplishment with certain ones.
I'm impressed, and entertained this afternoon.
This one is going on my voting list.
sincerely,
Denimari
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