This Poem was Submitted By: Kenneth R. Patton On Date: 2006-06-30 06:45:16 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Finality
It was done
The deed signed over
and my mortgage authorized
I shook the lawyer’s hand
and chatted about his baby girl
Just long enough to be polite
I closed up my office
then turned the key in the front door
and started down the walk feeling quite surreal
A flash from the woods caught my eye
One of the neighborhood cats
Had I seen her before?
The white patch on her chest looked
remarkably clean like she was dressed to go out
Then I noticed
She had a date, or partner maybe
He hid behind a bush and peered out
keeping an eye on her reaction
I called out a greeting
and they sat together and watched
as I got in my car
“Don’t worry,” a whisper came, “You’ll be fine.”
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Copyright © June 2006 Kenneth R. Patton
Additional Notes:
A true story, it just happened two days ago.
I'm free, but no longer debt free!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2006-07-04 00:30:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.79167
Hi Ken,
Good to know that you got over it. You must be facing a different perspective now! I got interested with the appearance of the two "love-cats". Dating? You should be fine then. Have a good one. Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-07-01 17:11:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84848
Ken,
Well it's finally over, sigh of relief? Trepidation about a new house and by yourself? Maybe your spirit will become more calm now. I know you've been through so much. Had to chuckle about the signing and authorizing of the mortgage, sort of a bag of mix emotions....excited and the there is always that feeling of "do I know what I'm doing". I have to agree, from where ever the whisper came, "you'll be fine." Your penning of this work shows a more relaxed spirit than previously. I enjoyed this well structured free flowing poem and thank you for posting it.
Best always,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-06-30 18:57:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.28571
Kenneth,
Cool!
This is a wonderful investment! You will only gain from this.
You've not only invested in a home but also you've commited to your family[?] and their
stability. The cost is secondary.
I felt your fear in your writing. It seeps out of the corners.
It's neat the whisper came to save you from fretting.
[A gaurdian angel of sorts]
They do exist, something like this happened to me.
The cats were great!
Good job, loved this.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2006-06-30 16:41:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
Kenneth--I recall you using candor in other work(s), as cathartic
tools, but this particular one does seem to have a a sense of
"Finality";
"“Don’t worry,” a whisper came, “You’ll be fine.”
The personification of the cats is a superb coda for this piognant
write. I've been there, done that and survived. I don't know whether
to thank you for sharing or curse you for reminding me of the debt!
TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-06-30 09:34:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70000
Congratulations! What a nice feeling! Your title threw me off. I thought this one going to be a 'wha wha crybaby' kind of read. How delighted I am too see something else. This majot event seems like a new beginning to me. I suppose that's one of those 'half empty/half full' kind of reasoning.
Just long enough to be polite...(that's cool! I like the touch!)
I closed up my office
then turned the key in the front door
and started down the walk feeling quite surreal. (I can feel the bounce in your step now)
Then I noticed
She had a date, or partner maybe (great touch. your descriptions of excited/worrysome are clearly
He hid behind a bush and peered out conveyed. The ability to portray a big event with some tiny
keeping an eye on her reaction detail is clever and keeps us focused on the finality of it.
I called out a greeting
and they sat together and watched (they sat and watched...kind of lonely for a minute)
as I got in my car
“Don’t worry,” a whisper came, “You’ll be fine.” (what a great ending! I wonder who will do the best- you or the cats. Reassuring them is a great way to say 'I'll be fine"
This is a fun read. You've said it ever so lightly-that the burden is both great and small. You have included such an array of words that I can feel the anticipation and the dread. Very nice over-all. No errors anywhere that I can see. Another remarkable work from you. I am enjoying your style of writing.
Good luck on your new 'adventure'.! (I too am sure, you'll be fine)
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