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This Poem was Submitted By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2006-07-04 07:00:30 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Reflection

Alone at the water's edge I sit simple day dreaming I watch reflection lays on surface water I see a soul in shadows floating shallow, distorted I gasp spirit darkens I sink

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2006-08-06 09:03:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nancy, I adore the structure you gave this. Separating each thought (i.e. "I sit," "I watch," "I see," "I gasp," "I sink"). One could almost make a complete poem out of those lines alone. It gives the entire poem such a definite power, and impact. Short succinct lines whose delivery is perfection. I especially love the line "...I see a soul in shadows floating shallow, distorted...." Wow! So very descriptive, and almost foreboding. One can almost feel themselves slipping into the darkness here. Well done! I love it! Thanks for sharing this little gem with us. Brava! Many blessings, Mary

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-08-03 00:08:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nancy, A haunting piece. I think everyones spirit darkens and sinks. If the Creator walked the Earth, he/or she would weep endlessly. I think as morals deteriorate, we all are affected. anyway we do our best i believe. We can't have up unless we've got down. High/low good/bad.... Yin/yang. Thought filled work. Enjoyed the examination of spirit/soul! Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-07-09 20:26:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nancy Ann, So few words, such a deep and complex topic. The presentation gives freedom to pause with each thought and ease of reading. Odd, how one can sit to reflect, mind wanders, inner truths bare themselves and how we can be shocked even saddened at self realizations and in the doing instead of being lifted up as if a burden removed we get that sinking feeling, this to will pass. Nicely penned and well thought out, this was an enjoyable and enlightening read. Truths are not always what we want....I really like your poem. Best always, Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-07-08 23:07:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Nancy.....this terse poem is fabulous! It is so full of mystery and intrigue....not so much what you wrote but what you didn't. I feel there is much between the lines you left unsaid...."I gasp, spirit darkens...I sink"...wonderful. Your first seven lines drew me in and yes, they lulled me as I expected that feeling of calm and softness to continue. The remaing six lines shocked me upright and I was compelled to read the entire poem several times. This is a stunning poem and one I won't soon forget. Bravo for a job well done! Blessings...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-07-04 16:24:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Wow. This is a creative work! I don't know much about you poet, by I can see some very good talent in this piece. I have only one comment as to the structure and flow. I think the thought process might be broken at one point: *reflection lays* I would remove the word 'lays' 'reflection on surface water' is good too. Just a thought. I have nothing to pick on in this poem! I think it is very good. I like the mystery in this one. The ending is just right. It gave me goosebumps! I do think you might want to give it a new title. That's only my opinion. I tend to like the title to be a little more illusive without the abruptness. So, I like titles like- "On the Edge of the Water" or Watching My Reflection" or whatever. I see that your title can have several properties to it, and that's always good. The correlation between the 'water' the 'reflection' and the 'depression' are all good. I don't know if there is anyway to combine all that into a new title, but something to think about. I can't offer any more suggestions! It's well written! Smiles, Ellen

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