This Poem was Submitted By: Brandon Gene Petit On Date: 2006-07-09 07:50:48 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Memoriter When death liberates me unto its acre
Will I miss the familiar haunts of rejection?
When I’m forced to gaze into the eyes of my maker
Will I miss the sincerity of my reflection?
When my place in the world has withdrawn its intention
Will I long for the tartness of love’s pungent lime?
When I find out that death is a wondrous invention
Will I drop all my cares for eternity’s climb?
When the reaper reveals to me intricate wonders
Will I miss the warm breeze and the dullness of day?
When my eyes go to shut out humanity’s blunders
Will I miss the glad fools that enlightened my stay?
When I glimpse of the laughter that waits beyond doom
Will I still hear the pain in my mother’s good-bye?
When letters are chiseling into my tomb
Will I know life again in a new infant’s cry?
When a sip from the Lethe dulls my lifelong affections
Will I forget the snow on the tip of my tongue?
When I no longer hunger for earthly confections
Will I still need the one that I fought to become?
Transcending the threshold requires contortion
So desperately wed to the flaws in my form
I bask in the comfort of natural distortion
Can I nourish without the emotional storm?
The talent to bleed, perceive and perspire
Can only be bred in a heart-heavy chest
Will I don a new robe or still wean from desire
When it comes time to lay my old playthings to rest?
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Copyright © July 2006 Brandon Gene Petit
Additional Notes:
Chekc out my new poetry collection "Intrinsic Desires". Available at most online retailers, or order it from your local bookstore. ISBN: 1420891995
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2006-08-02 19:58:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
this is fantastic Brandon..I loved the way you rhymed this it is lulling even with the subject at hand ..you have asked so many questions that most ponder..and other's never thought of but with reading go..hmmm? really liked this you have brought out so many emotions with this write..my favorite stanza is When I glimpse of the laughter that waits beyond doom
Will I still hear the pain in my mother’s good-bye?
When letters are chiseling into my tomb
Will I know life again in a new infant’s cry?" nice job..
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-07-22 21:17:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Brandon,
This is terrific
The words were flowing, clear, rhythmic and wonderfully.
I liked the rhyme. Unforced and clever.[tongue/become]
I'm hard pressed to pick a 'best' stanza.
I love the last three..
I like your reference to reincarnation. [baby]
I like your loss of ego "So desperately wed to the flaws in my form"
I love this thought:
Will I still need the one that I fought to become?
No.1 great job.
I will keep this one for times of renewal.
Will I drop all my cares for eternity’s climb?
I believe your in the process of learning this, or it wouldn't have entered your thought.
I feel blessed and pleased to have read this work.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-07-15 11:27:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90476
Brandon, hello again! I really like this creative work of yours! You have managed to rhyme line after line without forcing, and with the intent to capture meaning, and you have done it ever so well!
I have been at deaths door more times than I can remember, and I know that many people fear losing what they have had all their life-trading it all in, shall we say. It is a time of great decision for most of us. I wonder where I will be on that day. Will I choose not to lose the things I have always held dear to me?
I intended to tell you my favorite lines but I am unable to choose!! Here is one line that gave me new cause for ponderance-
When I’m forced to gaze into the eyes of my maker
Will I miss the sincerity of my reflection?
ooooo-that's good!
Will I drop all my cares for eternity’s climb? oooo...that's good too
Will I know life again in a new infant’s cry? -my least favorite line- I don't think I want to become an infant again! The words go well together and carry through the verse with relationship to 'mother' etc...but I just had to stop and think- oh no! I hope not!!
I am in awe, my friend. This is great, expressive work which speaks to all of mankind. I really like it!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2006-07-12 11:26:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Brandon,
This is simply amazing, my friend. I read, and re-read this over an over. Love how you began each line of the first 5 stanzas with "When I/Will I," and did so without ever becoming redundant! That in itself deserves Kudos!! Well done! You ask such poignant questions, with astounding depth. I had a very difficult time picking out any that really "touched" me, as it is exceptional. But, the following did reach a little deeper into my soul:
"When I’m forced to gaze into the eyes of my maker
Will I miss the sincerity of my reflection?"
WOW! When we look into the mirror, what do we "really" see? Can we actually "accept" the reality of who we really are? How long have we been "kidding" ourselves? These lines pose so many of those questions, forcing the reader to look deep inside.
"When letters are chiseling into my tomb
Will I know life again in a new infant’s cry?"
Is there reincarnation? Will I be reborn to try again to learn the mysteries of life and maybe get it "right" this time? There are those that believe that we are continually reborn over and over, until we reach that :"enlightened" state that allows us to pass onto the next realm. These lines hint at that to me. Well said!
"The talent to bleed, perceive and perspire
Can only be bred in a heart-heavy chest"
One can only truly understand if one has actually experienced. So very true. These lines deliver an eye-opening punch. As poets, often we can only successfully convey what we have actually experienced. Again, so very well stated.
I adore poetry that evokes deep thought, and you have more than satified that hunger in this readers eyes! This is one for my list! Thanks for sharing this wonderful write with us, my friend. I so enjoyed reading this....every time I did! LOL! Bravo, Brandon. Beautifully penned, indeed!
Regards,
Mary
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-07-10 16:14:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Brandon...another gem from you pen! This one is so thought provoking and compelled me to read it several times. I think the questions you ask here are universal but you have written them so poetically. The rhyming is spot on and gives the lines a musical feel, especially when read aloud.
When I no longer hunger for earthly confections
Will I still need the one that I fought to become? ......this line stopped me in my tracks and made me
......ponder. Most of us strive to be better or more
......what we think people want us to be, but should we?
......I think not. Just ourselves should be enough
I bask in the comfort of natural distortion
Can I nourish without the emotional storm?............Yes you can. Emotion is the operative word here.
............without it we are dead and don't know it...storms we
............only need once in awhile so we can appreciate calm
Will I don a new robe or still wean from desire
When it comes time to lay my old playthings to rest?......I have picked these lines as being the most
......poignant for me. I love the word 'wean' here.
......you don't see it used often but it is a great word.
This is well written and conceived and I enjoyed it very much! bravo.
Peace....Marilyn
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