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This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-07-11 07:41:26 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Skipping Stones

I remember when we walked to the river that day, holding hands, we stood on the bank as time slipped away. Wild flowers stood like vestals between white river stones; just right for skipping at sunset when wind moans. The hurried sky looked down and beyond, then you were gone without scent or sign. You vanished as I knew you must, but I stand here still, without consent or design, Remembering…

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark D. Kilburn On Date: 2009-04-27 10:12:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I am looking for my fav poem by you and am having trouble finding it but I will. This was probably my 2nd fav. This is really good! I am guessing it is about your husband but maybe not. I really like it regardless. I just read My Muse, That was exceptional!!! mk

This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2006-08-06 17:29:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90909
oh marilyn I love the structure of this peace. The inconsistant rhyme is very effective and makes the reader pause for a moment to ponder over your words. This is softly written, with such a lingering longing well after one has finished reading. I like the personification of the sky looking down and beyond...and the in line rhyme here sings nicely. "but I stard here still, without consent or design, Remembering..how lonely a feeling you leave with me.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2006-08-06 09:15:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, this is so sad and beautiful at the same time. So much rich imagery in these lines. One could almost 'feel' the breeze as we stand on the banks with you. "...between white river stones..." Love this line in all its simplicity. Having stood on a river's bank many times myself, this simple little line brought back a flood of memories of trying to find 'just the right stone' to throw and skip across the water! "....the hurried sky..." LOVE this! Gives the feeling of a fast setting sun, and darkness' rapid approach. Perfect! Like how you separated "Remembering" as well. It leaves the reader lingering in the moment, much as the author must have been lingering at the water's edge... Very well penned, Marilyn. I so enjoyed reading this wonderful offering. Thanks for sharing. Brava! Warmest regards, Mary

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-07-27 23:27:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, Another wonder full poem. This can relate to all who have lost a loved one. We always thought a lifetime was long and thus wasted alot of precious time. But too soon we're parted and never is there consent. Again I feel the deepest sorrow. it's good to remember but it hurts so bad. I miss my loved ones sooooooo. I love being with nature and feeling such depth. Water is the best place to contemplate. [I'm rambling] I've lost three dearest friends recently and it pains me so. Thanks for bearing with me. Good job Marilyn, Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2006-07-14 11:23:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
mt--Every time I read this "elegy," I'm amazed at your editing. It always seem to be done in a manner which enhances the imagery of two soulmates visiting a very special place and at a pivotal time; "The hurried sky looked down and beyond, then you were gone without scent or sign. You vanished as I knew you must, but I stand here still, without consent or design, Remembering…" Speaker knows by some portends, that the moments are destined, as is all that follows. A beautifull work; melancholic song and apt cathartic tool. Thanks for sharing this personal/private read.Don't touch a thing. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2006-07-11 10:55:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Marilyn, Beautiful. I especially love, "without consent or design." And the other phrase which it delightfully mirrors, "scent or sign." I think honest poets can recognize something that is good even if it is written in another voice, another style - though we are drawn to the work of others who "speak our language." This one - and your poems of late - speak my language. A very finely handled piece of poetry, with craftsmanship and substance, and an intangible filled with mysterious presence - my favorite!!!!!!!!! Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-07-11 10:46:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Oh this is sweet, Marilyn. That first verse is really great. I'm having a little trouble with this line: sunset when wind moans. when wind is a real tongue twister! Maybe 'as the wind' I don't want to pick on this but I need to offer something more. Your very last line could reinforce your first line by changing it from 'remembering' to I remember. Just a thought for you! Thanks for sharing your feelings. I hope that you are well and feeling fine! Ellen

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-07-11 10:03:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Oh Marilyn, The easy gate with which this reads, the subtle rhyme..this is very seductive, it took my breath away and in the closing I felt the emptiness, the wondering and a found my eyes moist...hmmm, not quite sure why this one rocked me so, but great job. Absolute perfection, no nits, don't change a thing. blessings, Lora

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