This Poem was Submitted By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-07-16 16:00:07 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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The Family of Crows I heard the cackle of a crow on my lawn
and right away it had my attention
he was calling the young birds to join with him
caw caw! caw caw! two times in deep tones
I looked to see what his chattering could be
why he was calling all the little fledglings
and discovered him cleaning up from my picnic
the corn cobs and bones of my fried chicken!
Kaw kaw kaw kaw kaw kaw laughed the others
not even knowing they'd been tricked by their grandfather
for soon in their greed they picked the bones clean
leaving no meat, no fat...not one bite to glean....
Surprise!
that smart old crow was all done with his share
for he'd eaten already; before he led them there.
for you see, before he went and told all the others
he'd dined and bathed and pruned his long feathers.
He's been up to his old tricks again, yes sir'ee
one thing about him; he's never hungry!
He never stops begging; he never stops laughing
so I always listen when I hear the crow cackling
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Copyright © July 2006 Ellen K Lewis
Additional Notes:
I was challenged to write a fable that could be used on children's public radio. I understand this is not the kind of poem that wins alot of contests, but I need your suggestions. It's esp important that you read it aloud, with an animated voice; as if you were entertaining young children. (come on-give it a try-just once?)
You guys are the first to see it.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2006-08-06 08:22:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ellen, This is precious, indeed. Definitely a winner for children. I especially love the "suprise" you include. It gives a gentle 'tug' in yet another direction, one the children will undoubtedly enjoy. Like how you differentiate between the two crows with the spelling of "Caw" vs. "Kaw." One question about last line in forth stanza...should "pruned" be "preened?" Although it reads wonderfully as is. Like the subtle rhymimg in this, as well. This is a wonderful childrens' piece, Ellen. So very creative in its simplicity. Well done! Thanks for sharing this delightful piece with us. I enjoyed every 'morsel.' *smile*
Warm regards,
Mary
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2006-08-04 04:10:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Good Morning Poet and with the rain finally falling outside my bedroom window it will be a refreshing day.
From what I can tell you rose to the challenge and completed your intentions for this certainly is a charmer.......I had to smile more then once as my mind caught hold of the elder crow, now content with his choice of droppings before calling the rest of the family to join him.........My yard invites plenty of birds and I do enjoy watching them come to feed and especially how the black birds seem to be in command over them all. Though those big old Blue Jays are nasty at times. This fable will make good reaing for a children's public radio program, it is easy for the imagination to take hold, to see the crows and to especially catch a glimpse of the lady of the house as she too takes it all in. Thanks for posting and sharing. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-07-31 20:05:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ellen,
Good story form, good imagery. Question, why the two different spellings on "caw/kaw"? On radio no one would see the difference however as a written piece for reading it begs an answer. I tried this out on my granbabies, ages 3, 5, and 6, they got a big charge out of it and now are in the other room drawing grows and picnics.....does that answer what you need to know?
Best always,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2006-07-17 09:06:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Ellen,
It's good to know that there is someone out there who has the kids in mind and i'm sure you have a lot of talent within you to connect with kids. I've written some pieces to...which are not necessarily for kids but have a kid's perspective....it's important for us to never lose grips with our childhood.
I hope that my critique of this piece will be accepted as constructive. To begin with, would have liked this to be a little simpler...one doesn't get the point that easily and lets remeber that kids might not have the analytical skills we posess....Furthermore, your structure seems undecided and lingers between story-writing (beginning) and rhyme (middle and end)....
Therefore, you could focus on structure and theme.
Crows are very interesting birds and I'm sure you have a lot to work with here...all the best !!
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2006-07-16 19:42:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25000
Before I read your notes I said to myself "this is very amateurish and simple and not like Ellen." Okay, now I understand. In the written format you use two spellings for the Crow's call and I wonder why although they both sound the same.
two times in deep tones...suggest, twice with deep throaty tones.
Fun piece but I wonder why you left all that food out?!
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