This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-07-24 00:11:21 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
Pocket Change I wish I could step backward, start over,
and amend the days of eons past.
Time was used up like non-pledged pocket change.
Paltry quarters, dimes, nickels, and pennies,
gone with not even the recollection
to grasp what had become of it all.
Steadily with ease, dropped out of hand
unthinking that it equaled much value.
Answerable to none, days went, coins spent!
Today my purse is once more empty.
Again I've no concern as to why.
I'm sure I'll desire this day to replay.
|
|
Copyright © July 2006 Dellena Rovito
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2006-08-06 10:06:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena,
This little, yet powerful, poem evokes such deep thought and introspection. Love the "pocket change" metaphor you use here. It's fantastic, creative, and original. To think of wasted days as wasted change is such a good correlation. So easily we "spend" our lives without memory of where or when we lost all that time. Love your structure here, as well. It allows the reader to 'ponder' each separate thought provoking line. Don't we all wish we could start over, while retaining the knowlege we have today? I can't count the times I have had these exact thoughts! I think all of us can easily relate to this wonderful write. Short, succinct, and well penned. I liked this one a lot, Dellena. Just enough said to get the point across without unneeded jargon, yet still evoking deep thought. I love this in a poem! Thanks for sharing this with us. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Brava!
Warmest regards,
Mary
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2006-08-01 17:21:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Del....food for thought perhaps like the change that filters through the pockets of life so does the time we spend.....I look forward to the warmth of the summer season and we are almost at its end....where has it gone? Perhaps we should pretend I am going to pick you up in the early morning hours and we will drive to the beach for the day, relax among the surf, watch the big ones roll in as the birds fly above diving for their morning treats...........that would not be a wasted day and one I would cherish forever. God Bless, thanks for posting, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-07-31 22:26:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena,
Gee's we must have been on the same mind set or wave length this month. This is a very enjoyable read. I especially liked "Time was used up like non-pledged pocket change" and "gone with not even the recollection ". how true-how true............*sigh*. Well done poet, an enjoyable read with gentle prodding to remember that we've all been there and none of us are alone.
Best,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-07-25 06:18:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Hi D.....I had to reach way down on my list to find this poem and I am glad I did. To me it is different than some of your other works. I'm so in tune to your words....what does happen to the time....we are alloted a certain amount of it...but do we use it well? Probably not. I love your metaphor here...very clever and innovative. When we reflect on our life (and I think we do this more as we age) there will be times that we wish we could play over and perhaps do them a little differently. This poem is well written compelling and profound....Wonderful!
Blessings....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2006-07-24 13:01:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.76923
Dellena-WOW!Talk about introspection/retrospection. With this intrigu-
ing write scribe addresses some apathy/culpability/negligence that will
no doubt return to haunt protagonist. The sparsity of rhyme enhances the
title/theme/tone by its placement;
"Again I've no concern as to why.
I'm sure I'll desire this day to replay."
Excellent metaphors used and could easily speaks to many of us who have
gone through life with a lackadaisical attitude. Thanks for this realistic
read. Sorry if I've mistated your intentions. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-07-24 09:55:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Hello, Dellena. I love this analogy! Time and pocket change. How cool! I think you have done a great job with this one. I have only one question.
Your lasst stanza-no concern as to why.....I think that is a bit contrary to the rest of the piece. Perhaps it would be an idea to replace the word 'concern'. You could use 'reason' no 'explanation' no 'clue'.....just a thought.
Aside from that I see nothing to improve! It's a great poem. I really like it.
Smiles, Ellen
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link
Click HERE to
return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!