This Poem was Submitted By: James C. Horak On Date: 2006-09-16 21:03:20 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Dazzled Insights Sight presented so well, taste and touch
envy the pleasure.
Until they form their own and the softness
of your eyes
Yield some thought of the taste of your skin.
The fullness of your lips pursed into anticipation
for my kiss winding down my fingers
Traveling along your spine where hints of sigh
lie.
The inevitable wonder of passion's dew
forming its own glow upon
your brow
Until the slight shudder next to me
allows me mine. |
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Copyright © September 2006 James C. Horak
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2006-10-17 18:11:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
JCH
Highly evocative.
And really, what more can I say?
Reading this was almost like being there.
MAH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul R Lindenmeyer On Date: 2006-10-17 16:59:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
James,
semses, softness, pleasure and anticipation of sighs, shudders, passion. Cooks say the secret to the meal is always good ingredients, care in preparation and finally, most importantly presentation. You have the right ingredients in your verbiage,{Perhaps some "your"s could be cut back.}and the meter/pace of the work is good. My only suggestion would be in the construct, ie. the layout of the work could perhaps be adjusted. The final stanza is exceptional. Peace, Paul
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