This Poem was Submitted By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2006-10-17 21:10:10 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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a fire of yes the green fern leans
like wings
on the path
pointing to
a red leaf
on the trail
a fire of yes
a hint of pulse
below cool stones
the tree stump’s
rust flesh
surprised under a piece
of falling bark
naked in the chilled air
a woodpecker’s feast
of pine beetles
the dead tree in the water
watches
ripples across the lake
grinning her bones
flailing at the loon
chickadees
bounce from branch to branch
eating berries
white and ready to fall
each one a moon
on a stem
before the
branch-elbowed sky
last night’s
moonrise
has hung a frost of gold
on trees below
painted them
with glimmer coats to sleep
until winter
clasps them closer
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Copyright © October 2006 Joanne M Uppendahl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2006-11-05 06:37:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi.
The lower the sun gets to the lake
The colder the wind on my face.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2006-10-30 12:15:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Joanne--A heady title for a naturesque write which also doesn't disap-
point. And, though I've reviewed many of speaker's past tributes/odes
in this genre, I'm always amazed at the ease with which the bar is ex-
ceeded each subsequent time out. As aspiring writers, we all look to
our surroundings for inspiration, yet, scribe seem to present the im-
ages of nature in a more alluring manner (bar none). The personifica-
tion of flora and fauna is captivating and unique. Of additional note
is the lack of punctuation which allows a smooth read/cascade of words
down the page. In my humble opinion, Poet has eaten a version of Robert
Bly's "...Honey Of Words" and regurgitated them in this write. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-10-28 21:34:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello again, Joanne! It's a pleasure to see you. As always your poetry brings vivid images that I always think I can touch-feel-smell...!. Vivid, and soft, I knew it was you.
the green fern leans
like wings
on the path ...........I'm getting images of pixies dancing about and I can smell the coolness coming off the fern...
What a great way to begin a poem.
....however....
I can't picture the dead tree grinning her bones...but the spookiness is coming up real strong now..Isn't it something how this big old dead tree can seem so ominious and dark; while at the same time the chickadee's are bouncing about joyfully....(Now that's good writing)
chickadees
bounce from branch to branch
eating berries
....are these chick's eating the fruit of that old dead tree? or...hmmm. the fresh mulberry sappling?
Ahhh, I just love this time of year. Reading this reminds me of how much beauty I am missing! Here in Kansas, when Fall finally arrives, it brings uncertain weather instead of smokey burnt marshmellows. There will be alot of colds and flu bugs as our days alternate between hot rain and freezing ice. Never know what to wear here.
I really like this poem. It's worth an applause and an encore! Keep them coming....smiles to you! Ellen
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2006-10-28 19:16:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Joanne,
It has been a very long time. I hope all is well with you. I always wondered how you were and what projects you were undertaking....are you still doing the cruises?
This poem is apt in its timing. The onset of winter is knocking and the images you paint in this very vivid piece do justice to the beauty that surrounds this time of year. As always, you bring in the birds, the insects and the trees to paint in words, the beauty of nature on a canvas of poetry.
However, no piece of yours would be complete with a deeper meaning and hidden under the cool stones, the worn tree stump, the whilte berries that are ready to fall and the gaze of the dying tree...is a very strong sense of resolve and hope beyond the dreariness of winter. This is best highlighted by your resolute title - a fire of yes. The red leaf, the glimmer of the moon-like berries with it's frost of gold....adds to the burning sensation of looking beyond...patiently.
An excellent piece !!
Do keep in touch more often.
Your friend,
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2006-10-26 05:27:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Clearly the best poem of yours I've had the pleasure to read, Joanne.
Without doubt the best around here of late. You'll have my vote this
month, be assured.
With an eye that can find the life in a bare desert, your grand ode to
Fall in its remarkable impressionist vision, finds the astounding beauty
to the most remarkable of all Nature's changes. From the start, the imagery
is superb with originality. "The green fern leans/like wings on the path"
drips luscious assonance and arouses expectations for the reader that are
soon delivered with more than simple satisfaction. Had we not paid proper
notice, homage, to the autumnal coloring before, we do now. A Fire of Yes,
most interesting application to a title, finds those magical impressions
of color and play with elements of even moonlight suggesting the next phase
of change, winter. "Painted them/with glimmer coats to sleep/until winter/
claps them closer" is as fitting a last line as your first is a first.
Poems that appreciate season and find such organic meaning, even to winter,
are those to which our lives best relate. And to which the will to go on
finds a most enduring boost.
You have come across a most interesting quality that I particularly like.
Your light introduction of the moon, first in, "each one a moon/on a stem/
before the/branch-elbowed sky", then the "moonrise..." is a device that
brings up its own emphasis. And that I find a reflection to mine own
appreciation of the growing stillness we evidence as the approach to winter
lends its own gallery like feature to the presentation the moon grants
with light whose warmth is purely impressionistic. And in this you succeed
in better defining one genre coming together with another. It doesn't
get much better than this.
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2006-10-25 21:54:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Auntie Joanne,
I'm so glad that you are back to share us your gift. I always wonder where you are and what are you doing when I visit TPL although I don't have enough time to critique. But I do read poems and check the link once in awhile. This one is such a special treat for all of us. As always, you amaze us with your nature-gifted thoughts, your passion for poetry.
I can say nothing more. A million thanks for sharing this to us! You are always special to our hearts!
Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul R Lindenmeyer On Date: 2006-10-23 09:51:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Joanne,
have read this multiple times on multiple days, waiting for some defenative conclusions. The structure is fine, the verbiage clear, and the allegory tying the wetlands abundance to nature's progressions is finely wrought. The autumnal ending sounded by "last night's moonrise hanging "a frost of gold on trees" gives the reader notice that winter will soon "clasp them closer." The theme is your usual "nature" tied to seasons tied to beginnings, tied to ends which evolve and return to beginnings. Your verbal vignettes of the cyclical wonders of nature are, as always a treat to read. Hopefully the absolute knowledge of these continuous, unending cycles on this plane, gives you great comfort and consolation when dealing with doubts on the continuation to the next steps we all will deal with. In passing, I hope I did not intrude sending you the piece by Jessica Powers. If so, my apologies. Wishing you only the best, Peace, Paul
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-10-22 16:26:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Joanne,
The picture you paint with words is lovely.
Red leaves/stumps, white berries, green fern, gold from the moon,
a picture of fall.
Ferns lean, pointing to a red leaf [a fire of yes?
/meaning the final leaf of life left before winter?]
this piece leaves me to ponder it's intent.
It's a walk on a fall day without the crispiness.
You always feel renewed seeing the Autumn colors.
nice to read your work again.
dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2006-10-18 19:58:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Jo
It's been a long time ...
This is full of your usual deft imagery. Fascinating how you've done it. On the first pass, it's like a landscape painting in a gallery, almost static. On the second, closer pass, parts of the painting are actually moving.
It's like a living piece of memory.
Nice.
Regards,
Mark.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2006-10-18 15:03:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Joanne,
Truly beautiful. I can only stand back at marvel at the peace, the soft contentment of living in a purely terrestial, human moment. In my mind there are always angels and demons - the tingling of the synapses is only the beginning.
Hope you've been well.
Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-10-18 14:51:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Joanne....yes, a fire of Autumn...superbly done up in all its splendor and described by your talented pen. Such a lovely way to speak of Autumn. Your outstanding descriptors conjure up images in my mind that I will hold in my heart.
a hint of pulse
below cool stones.....I love these lines. They are so Joanne. I would have been surprised if they had
shown up in any poem but yours.
the tree stump’s
rust flesh
surprised under a piece
of falling bark
naked in the chilled air
a woodpecker’s feast
of pine beetles ............these lines are just like you have taken a picutre in your mind and then
described it to a blind person. So beautiful
branch-elbowed sky ........As I read your words I keep thinking you will surely run out of steam and ideas
then I read this line and once again you thrill me
painted them
with glimmer coats to sleep
until winter
clasps them closer...........you could not have written a more lovely ending than this.
It snowed here yesterday and into the night. Until then I still had summer flowers in bloom...which is amazing for the mountain top where I live. I think my mums may have made it but are just a little sad because the snow came. They were basking in sunshine every day with little smiles on their faces.
I am so glad tpl is back and running...we have been seperated far too long. If we all keep posting and critiquing we may breath life back into the old gal again! It was such a pleasure for me to read this poem...reminds me why I keep coming back here!
Love,
Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2006-10-18 07:15:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Not much into critiquing these days Joanne but I would like to say I did stop by, read this one more then once and each time I found something more appealing within. I so enjoyed the images you presented
last night’s
moonrise
has hung a frost of gold
on trees below
(what a sight that must have been) and to know that fall has been in the air for such a short span of time right now it certainly has left much glitter in the morning light.
From the green ferns to the one red leaf, the winter birds, the broken branches, the hint of winter in the air and of things to come says it all. At least this is what I received from my read and I think it was grand. Thanks again for sticking with the link, for continuing topost and for sharing your God given talent with us all.
God Bless, Claire
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